HE PROPOSED.........................I FEEL SO BLESSED

ARE YOU CONFUSED BY THE TITLE? I BET SINCE I HAVE ALREADY BEEN REFERRING TO HIM AS DH-Dear Heart and not Dear Husband.....

On 12/13/2011 just before bedtime he surprised me, he proposed to me...I am too excited to add more, too excited to worry about FET, its perfect, so I wont obsess about the ET, I will be thinking of wedding bells. LOL

A HOP, SKIP, AND JUMP ITS THE MIDDLE OF DECEMBER....ALMOST

It's only a HOP, SKIP and a JUMP and the middle of DECEMBER FAST APPROACHES......

So I have been posting only weekly since I am not cycling just yet, when I am back doing that around the end of this month then I will post updates, issues, etc.

Currently though I feel so good, so relaxed and enjoying my time with family, friend, and everyone in between. IF is a lonely journey when you are doing it alone, we opted to do it this way to protect our hearts in the event we need to and also not to hear judgmental comments from close friends. We know they will be probably well meant but this is just so personal for us that we wanted to do it this way.

I have shared it with only my bestie that lives out of town and she can relate as she will be going down this ruote as soon as she medically can. I use this BLOG more as a journal, so that if someone else come across its contents they can either relate or know what they may go through while waiting for sFET.

"ME":Ok so I havent lost anymore than the 5 pounds, I havent checked but I dont think I have...I have been shopping which is bad but I enjoy getting girly again...its been so long since my focus shifted..

OBSESSION of the Week: Baby....yeah its obvious but I have been having fantasies, baby dreams, you name it...I just pray we get our wish for January..



HAPPINESS.. WHAT IT MEANS...

I have to really say that I feel really happy inside but still there are outside influences that threaten to break my spirit, namely WORK but I NEVER go into details.

FET JOURNEY: So Many ladies that have started the IVF process after me are pregnant or gettting ready to transfer and at first, I was feeling a little "left behind" but I quickly pushed those feelings aside and now all I feel is JOY for them. I feel happy when I see that it worked for them and sad when it doesn't because after all, we all are facing the same issues, we are INFERTILES and whats worse? We are STILL INFERTILES even if we get a BFP and have a baby so the struggle never ends for us. I dont feel sorry for myself anymore about being IF, it won't do any good. I send my praises to GOD and I ask that I am in his grace to bless me with my very own child. I await my blessing and take every delay now....instead of with sadness...I take it with happiness. I am exceedingly happy to NOT be poked with needles and not taking medication. But I walk this journey still, I am smelling the roses on the way and loving life.

"ME" Journey: I feel basically normal again, no meds, no pokes with needles, I feel free. I have dropped the 5 pounds I gained again after Thanksgiving and I have 10 more to go. I did a liquid diet for 5 days, it was extremely hard but it did help me feel loose in my clothes and it showed me I can do anything. This week I am still not taking in rice, break or pasta but will be mindful of what I eat. I cannot stress how good I feel.

OBSESSION of the Week: Happiness

I came across this musing and wanted to share it on here...

It is difficult to define happiness and contentment. Essentially , one' happiness is in one's own hands . There is a saying ' The mind is its own place an can make a hell or a heaven ' - so very true..Happiness is afterall a state of mind which has nothing to do with only material  possessions. I notice that no matter what we possess, we are still not happy with what we have. Wealth makes one happy to a certain extent, and,  when one is in love there is happiness and contentment within you before other things take over. Yet ,at the same time I have seen some of the most ordinary people leading very contented and peaceful lives with the barest of  essentials. One may say that they lack ambition, but,  at the end of the day, I feel what is more important is to look back on your life and remember the past  with a smile . 
One can then safely say that once we come to terms with our life and adjust accordingly things are bound to look up. It is not really essential to have a lot of money or wealth or other material things to make one happy in life. However there are a few requirements that are essential to make us happy and inner peace comes when all these requirements are met with. Health according to me  is of primary importance without which we can never be happy..

Happiness also is all about one's attitude towards life, and how best we are able to handle it. No doubt that money and wealth has a great part to play in our lives and in making us happy and comfortable . But there are other necessities as well that are essential. Happiness largely lies with ourselves and how we look at life and our priorities. Inner Peace and happiness go together, and we keep searching for it all our lives.

It is simpler things in life that give us immense happiness and contentment . Inner peace and love for others makes our life worth living. One is happiest when there is something to look forward to in life and there is a general feeling of contentment . Happiness comes with a combination of many things. Money is of course necessary, but , so are other things like human values and relationships.

We cannot be happy all the time since we all face pressures of some kind or the other, but,  when  one is determined to overcome all these adversities, and be positive , one is able to be happy and content most of the times . Being Positive is one of the most essential ingredient for happiness ..

BETTER SPIRITS TODAY, FET for JANUARY 2012

Today I am in MUCH better spirits, better than yesterday. I am dealing with some internal work related stresses but I wont talk about them in my blog, they dont even deserve it.......oh why oh why cant I hit the lottery or convince DH to move somewhere else.............wait we both LOVE  South Florida.

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK: I have been on a liquid diet for 3 days, no not ordered to but my BFF has to be on it for a month so I thought I would do it for a week to empathize with her.......what I have noticed : I AM HUNGRY.........OMG how in the hell will she do this for a whole month...I am dying here...I was so pathetic last night I ate some icing from a cake just so I can have energy. LOL....When you re sick it is easy to not want to eat but when you are a healthy woman that has daily stress you deserve to indulge here and there...

ME: Okay so the quest in getting me back kind of is on hold...Thanksgiving ruined it, its not that I ate too much but I KEPT eating....I find myself eating when I am happy, sad, mad or glad so I had to get to the bottom of this, why in the world would someone gain......gulp....20 pounds in 11 months... (sshhh) this is embarrassing to even type..Then I realized what has been the major change... SEX. I had the aha moment last night, January to June gained 5 pounds no worries. Went to Clinic to start the IVF process in August and he mentioned something about working out throwing off schedule so I stopped walking/jogging cold turkey plus the med, eating, and the low activity wow and going through the phases kind of put sex life on hold. DH has been very careful and thought he would somehow cause an issue, so we arent as ACTIVE.

TMI WARNING read at your own risk LOL-but I plan to have a whole lot of fun when I have healed. I havent done anything romantic, worn sexy lingerie or anything. I am thinking of doing a sexy boudouir photo shoot yep extra pounds and all for DH. I will have to summon all of my courage to do that because truth be told I am not comfortable in my skin right now...well not 100%. my DIVA mode is on warm right now and I need to get it back to HOT...We might as well have all this fun now before the FET in January.

FET DELAYED..................AGAIN.!!!!!!!

Just like the title reads, YEP I have to wait for another cycle..I decided last night to definitely take a step away from the threads I have been apart of. They are super helpful and wonderful ladies but since I am not cycling with them it's almost like I cannot relate

So here's What Happened-Yesterday I was not in a good place, I got the call from the Clinic and it wasnt really bad but to sum it up, there will be NO transfer for December. I have to wait for another cycle so ET wont be until January. I felt so discouraged not sure why I took the blow so hard, it was mutually agreed upon, I mean I thought I had in my head that we would definitely be a go for December not sure and to make matters worse another girl that seem to have the same experience... ( only 1 blast and had a delay after HYST for ET )did say they would wait a cycle after the HYST. He did give me the option he said you can do more Bloodwork & Sono in 10 days and do the ET but I think its best you let your uterus heal some more, since you are on your cycle and follies are growing. So I chose to not check again in 10 days and force the issue but rather to wait another cycle. I was sad because it feels like it is taking forever for us but as my DH said we have to realize that they want this to work and we have to go with what they think is right. I didnt want to hear reason and I yelled at DH telling him he didnt understand and he retorted I want this more than anything (broke my heart to pieces thinking how selfish I was, thinking I was the only one anxious)...BUT after praying, I am much better and in better spirits about the whole thing now...So in their words, I will take a month off and heal. I am looking forward to the holidays and loosing a few pounds..Just waiting for the call on the bisopsy from the Hysteroscopy though, he didnt have the results yet....but I will hold on to no news is good news at the moment.

AF IS KILLING ME AND DID BLOOD WORK TODAY

THIS WILL BE SHORT UNTIL I UPDATE LATER...

10:57 AM

WELL when I thought AF was here on tuesday it wasnt, it was still spotting from the Hysteroscopy but the tramp showed up on saturday 11/26th and let me tell you, it is heavy and the cramps are crazy. NORMALLY I only cramp on Day 1 but she isnt playing nice this time around. I put on a brave face with DH yesterday both at Church and also when we went to his BFF's house for dinner. She might have thought I was mad at her or didnt like the cooking but the pains I was feeling through my forced smiles.. LOL.

FET: Okay so I did Bloodwork & Ultrasound this morning at 8:20 AM , now I wait until the call to tell me where do I go from here and then I can post the obsession of the week.

AF ARE YOU REALLY HERE......

FET THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:
Uuuhhhhhmmmmmmmm   so I spotted only the day of the Hysteroscopy and thought hey thats good, but guess who decided to drag her lazy you know what here......  you guessed it......AF

So I am NOT amused nor will I call the clinic and let them know......not that they cant figure it with Bloodwork but just not going to do anything but bleed for now.....sorry to be so graphic but thats what I'll do..  BASELINE TESTS are Monday 11/28th, they can figure it out right?  LOL...

Things I am proud of...

I am proud of my self for NOT overly stressing, not overly using Dr. Google, and not obsessing....well not too much on threads....I do check on the girls and offer support but it is no longer an obsession, well not really. I am not going to spend $300 on Black Friday but maybe $100, I have to save, save, save no unneccessary spending, even for adorable shoes.... (sniffle)...I am allowed to relapse though... 

Things I am NOT proud of...

• I said I only gained 10 pounds well to be honest I gained 15 pounds since January but the Journey started June so technically I didnt lie...I gained 5 pounds prior to the start....
• I find myself eating out of control, whether good news, sad news, worrying news you name it...
• The pounds I lost are  back because as I drew closer to the HYSTEROSCOPY 11/17 & no AF I started to freak and gave up on my "ME" journey and stress ate a whole lot but its okay, I forgive myself my closet however is not so forgiving and I refuse to buy new clothes...UNLESS I am preggers so I will continue to squeeze into my clothes and loose weak gradually...not making it easier for myself.  ME Jorney is back on track...

SOLUTIONS...

So I wont obsess over it but beginning today I am cutting calories, and eating smart again....the cheesecake in the refrigerator will go to my mom's on thanksgiving...the other cake I will have to finish....its not right to not finish something you start.....well thats my rational.......I wont say I will start walking again to set myself up for failure so I will say I will become ACTIVE again, doesnt matter what I do, it could be Stretching, Walking, Yoga, Laundry, Changing the room around....anything that doesnt involve me not in motion when I get home from work...

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK:

OF Course you know that it is Thanksgiving so that is the Obsession this week.....no work for a day, spending time with famiy, friends, and realizing it is almost the end of the year.... I havent been looking too much on baby items or maternity clothes....I have been weening myself from that stuff....but I did come across this a few weeks ago and forgot to add it so I will now... PACK N PLAY FOR TWINS...I thought it was awesome...yeah I only have my lone embryo BUT it could split....it could be identical twins, it could stick to my uterus, it could bring our healthy baby/babies.....it could....My God it could and I pray that it will.....with all of my heart I pray.



HYST DONE....MOVING ON WITH FET.......I think

FET chapter: So AF never came....but thankfully it didnt change plans and I did the Hysteroscopy & Light D/C procedure on 11/17th. BOY did it freaking hurt when I woke up but it wasnt too bad after more pain meds... I am sooooooooooo happy that is now all behind me.. and I remember being told they did remove some polyps which could impact implantation of my embryo....Woo Hoo the show is back on the road and it is officially CD 2, I go for Bloodwork & Sonogram 11/25th, here's hoping for some good news so I can do my FET on or around 12/5th or so.....YAY..
Here's to praying and hoping that all is well inside with Hormones and Lining...so much is riding on my lone embie. So onward and Upward with plans and lets hope it all goes well....I truly want this transfer to happer on 2011....but whenever my body is ready is OK with me...

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK: RIDING BOOTS...I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY UNBABY RELATED BUT I AM IN LOVE WITH THESE BOOTS.

FREAKING OUT..NO AF IN SIGHT

How to rationalize this current situation......there is no way to...lets see...Mother Nature is due and NEVER came and I am totally freaking out...My Hysteroscopy Procedure is due 11/17th I am suppose to either be on my period or just coming off it...Goodness what int he world am I going to do we ALREADY bought very expensive tickets to NYC...OK...I will calm down and bloog some more later...right now I cannot even breathe...I keep running to the restroom and praying I see something....ANYTHING but nothing...

I am seriously FREAKING....

CD30 MOTHER NATURE ARE YOU ON THE WAY

LOL I found this little poem about Aunt Flow and wanted to share it

Once a month,
aunt flow comes around.
you suddenly have hunger urges,
and gain a few pounds.
aunt flow has black hair
with a few red streaks.
she is so annoying,
and can stay up to two weeks.
she has a tendency
to give you mood swings.
and you can never guess
what the next day will bring.

 

So today is CD 30 and so come on Aunt Flow make an apperance, only while going through IVF will one beg and be happy when she is around, my boobs feel slightly sore which is a good sign but I need to see her NOW. I try not to whine and complain too much about work but I think I might have to break the rule today-I HATE IT. Okay that feels good. I have to admit that I feel alittle unattached to this upcoming cycle, it is not that I dont trust GOD and what he has in store but I have completely let it go and given it to him with all  my prayers. I also am unattached because I dont know that I trust them anymore..I know that I am grateful and I will pray about these feelings but I just dont know anymore........it bugs me that I would never get a transfer without doing the Hysteroscopy but what bothers me the most is feeling like I was lied to.
Lately  my daily does of American Dad and Family Guy has been keeping me happy, amused and distracted.

ON TO FET CYCLE #2-November Bring Us Joy Please

Hi Blog World,

So last week I had a little meltdown about being cancelled due to lining issues..Everynight I am plagued with dream about baby...its driving me NUTS...

I am trying so hard to focus on so many other things but cannot. As for taking caring of "ME" am down to 5 pounds so far and counting..I am thinking 15 would be great but I have to be careful to no mess with hormones since I am waiting to start my next cycle soon. I am not expecting AF until 11/12 ish so the countdown begins.....

First I have to call the RE's office on CD 1 to schedule the Hysteroscopy procedure between CD 1-5. I think 19 days after the procedure the transfer will take place...fingers crossed but not going to drive my self too crazy this time....ok I will TRY not to drive myself crazy this time..slowly I am weening myself away from google and stories with FET or sFET.there have been many cases of twinning due to Assisted Hatching...while apart of me would just LOVE that happening to me the other part is terrified if it did...Google is great but it can also drive a sane person crazy..I do wish I could turn off my dreams though and start focusing on other aspects of my life more...I have neglected everyone and everything...so I am making it a point to do something at least once a week that has nothing to do with FET.....

OBSESSION this week: CO SLEEPER ARMS REACH for baby...I love love the concept of them and hope if I am blessed with a bundle of my own I will definitely invest in one of them. The joy of not having to get out of bed for every little movemment and cry..

Arms Reach CO-Sleeper

WHAT A CRAPPY WEEK-IT'S NOW A NOVEMBER FET FOLKS

Sooo much was happening and Not Happening...

I went away to Virginia this past weekend and I had a great time...went walking down Virginia Beach and it was interesting, there was a wedding that just took place so we saw the couple taking pics on the beach...
The most interesting part was this statue....nice and different..

Anyway got pampered and spent some much needed time with the bestie. I wont tell you about the awfully long lay over and time to get home only to be at work within mere hours of that, worth every minute though....aaahhhhh..

10/26-Blood work and Ultrasound
I bet you are waiting to hear the wonderful news of when the ET will be right....its been a few weeks and time is drawing near.........NOT !!!!! So I took my last pill of Estrace yesterday as prescribed by the doctor,,,I was happy leaving the RE's office I do the local monitoring they said my lining went from 8.9 triple lined to now 14mm triple lined.....YAY I got the call from my own  RE's office that my hormone levels are great but the lining is too thick...too thick? I almost lost it...let me recap last week 10/17th they TOLD me to take estrace to thicken my lining and then a week later it did EXACTLY what they said and now it is TOO THICK? REALLY? I was so angry and frustrated. This is ridiculous Arrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'm so freaking pissed off and then of course it comes back to me doing a Hysteroscopy, they want me to do this before moving forward with a November FET so hell here we go.......DH being the great man he is reminded me to have faith and let it play out...maybe it wasnt meant to happen now, he brought home a few of my treats and held me for a little while.

I guess I sit and keep having baby thoughts  and drive myself NUTS...i admit I did get the feeling my emby is being held hostage but I know thats ridiculous, if it helps our chances to transfer when all is ideal then so be it. I had to pray to calm myself....this journey cam bring out the worst emotions ever.

OBSESSION OF THE WEEK: CRIBS, I love looking at them and having my own little fantasies..BUT it is to also get past the weeks ahead and to be in optimal health..I am really considering doing Acupuncture & Fertility Yoga. But I lOVE Boots too, dont get to wear them often in South Florida but I cannot wait...I love Rachel Zoe and seeing her rock these hot boots while she was pregnant is an inspiration :-)..

As for getting "ME" back am still working on it...and it feels good...

Terrific Thursday & Estrace Update

I am happy and smilining from Ear to Ear...I am counting down the days to getaway...come on saturday.

I have been doing good on my journey to get 'Me" back...I know it sounds a little well selfish considering I am trying to conceive BUT I have to be in optimal health and feel good in order to conceive...I am not doing an all liquid crash diet..I will just eat right and excercise again..

Journey Thoughts: I strongly believe in God and his blessing..When I find myself thinking of the what ifs...I quickly quiet my brain..not many people have had or will have the opportunity I did so for that I am already grateful.

Medication for Lining
I started Estrace 2 days ago as advised due to my lining issues which was at 8.9MM on CD8...which might I add is normal per all the Documents I have read but hey...I wont push besides I love the RE's office that I do the monitoring...the U/S tech girl is so awesome.
Estrace CONS: headache and makes insomnia worse
Estrace PROS: Face is glowing and cleared right up...boobs look luscious

Beyonce Pregnancy RUMORS.....My mood on this journey...

OKay so first let me reveal I am a Beyonce fan. I love the big hair, love the style, love the music...well it depends on the song.. I am thrilled she is pregnant....well i think since there seems to be all sorts of rumors about this pregnancy. OH well she is inspiring me to be SEXY and PREGNANT..Not so sure if I will continue with my stillettos though, those i might have to rest....or bring the inches down a bit. You might think I am getting ahead of myself and you know what...maybe but heck why not...ALWAYS think positive...

Okay so I will start doing an Obsession of the week.

OBSESSION: Sexy, Trendy, Maternity wear...but NO never costly. I love the selections at Motherhood from Heidi Klum...you guessed it, I am a fashionista........but on a budget. On this IVF journey boy did I neglect myself a little, just completely focused on this process so today I made the decision to loose the 10 pounds I gained while on this journey ( I blame the birth control pills, menopur and the lack of excercise for 2 1/2 months). I am getting my DIVA and sleep back........ FET Hopefully is in a few weeks and I should have started a fews ago but better late than never right...

MOOD: I am Happy, God has been good to me and I thank him everyday..... Tonight I will be doing gentle yoga, so here starts my journey to get "ME" back while getting ready to put my emby back...and making us 2 become us 3.

Where did the week GO...

Last week went by so fast.....I spent this weekend with my family..
Not much exciting happening in my life right now, just dwindling my thumbs and waiting for
my SFET which will be here within 2 weeks...or so....

Today is CD8 (CD-Cycle Day)  B/W & U/S happened this morning by later the RE will call and tell me when they predict ovulation and then I can plan to travel to NYC for the sFET. I am happy and content and just praying for the best. My current obsession is maternity clothing...I have asked God to put me in his favor with this cycle..

@5pm the RE’s office called to advise me that on CD3 my lining was 8.3 but today it is 8.9 so it is of concern and will cause a possible cancellation to my sFET for October.  I was told to take Estrace for a week to help with lining and if no changes then the cycle will be cancelled until next month and they would do the Hysteroscopy.  This didn’t break our spirits though, we trust God and we accept all challenges, DH & I feel that if it is meant to be cancelled then so be it. I have asked God for his favor and we will stick to that.

On a much brighter note I may be in Viriginia this weekend with one of my bestie’s and plan to also go to Vegas in a few months with my other friends….So YAY for that… J

..

J.Lo's comment regarding IVF

Ranting
I use to be a FAN but now from reading her comment, she lost me. I know, I know it was a year ago but I had no idea until a recent conversation. I am EXTREMELY offended for 2 reasons...1. I have tremendous Faith in God my Father and 2. I am undergoing IVF to hopefully become pregnant.

People suffering from IF and seeking IVF can also be believers and have faith in GOD. Seeking medical treatment to help acheive your Goal does not show mistrust in God or even not having Faith.....it is the method in which to get to your ultimate GOAL.......having a baby, being fruitful, multiplying. If she believe that God is our father and he can move any moutain, then why would she not believe he guides the doctors? It never ceases to amaze me the stupidity of people....i respect the fact that she would prefer not to undergo IVF but  Her comment about not "messing with stuff like that." is hurtful to the rest of US that would. I can ALMOST guarantee that clomid took part in the birth of her twins.....you were 39.......hhmmmmm a time when eggs are almost but gone....who are you fooling? Seriously?......

Does she know how stupid that comment was?......Lets see if she had Cancer or any other illness that required treatment lets see if she wouldnt seek treatment because she has faith....and wouldnt mess with that stuff.... the nerve of some people...

Infertility is VERY real and very painful. I wish people can understand that it affects some people differently. i havent come across one woman that was doing it for vanity or for the heck of it.....we do because we feel we have to, we do it out of desperation, we do it hoping to start a family........somebody put a muzzle on jenny from the block the next time she makes silly comments

TGIF

It's friday, 1 week down and 4 more to go....I wish AF (Aunt Flow) would hurry and get here...
My emotions are all over the place...
One of my most favorite things to do is watch FAMILY GUY. Maybe its the crazy humor or maybe it is sometimes downright wrong but I truly love to sit down to my daily dose...
I had a total meltdown last night, Dh called to apologize today and I am sure he has no idea what for...
The waiting...is difficult...DAMN this wait....I still have 4 weeks to go....I feel like a caged animal ready to break free...
Growing up I cannot recall the millions of times I heard this from my parents, and teachers. They constantly drilled in my head that you must be patient and good things come to those who wait.While this much is sometimes true they never said what to do with the time in between...

Patience is a Virtue..... I never said I was always a vituous woman....

Why Isnt the time going?

I had a talk with someone from the RE's office yesterday regarding the steps to prep for my upcoming FET.

They recommend doing a Hysteroscopy and Light D&C which they find to increase implantation rates....this is tough because another RE said it is not necessary and not recommended and others say it is safe...What to do, what to do..

Part 2
So royally screwed by my Insurance...they just advised me they would cover a "portion" of the surgeries only if I pay $1500 out of pocket right now...coming right up you B$^%^$ds..Where pray tell would we get tgh

.
So my BFF is a little annoyed with me, true enough I have kind of secluded myself while going through this journey and have only told 1 person. Me and DH feel like this is out private thing and we dont want to have to explain the process or want the judegment comments that may come. We have this 1 chance at Free IVF with one snowbaby,,,,lots of pressure...
We both have faith and pray that God will trust us and let us have a healthy baby from this cycle.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

FERT REPORT

Uneventful Monday

After I wrote that Post on friday I got the call. The nurse said only 1 of my 2 snowbabies made it to blast and they froze it on Day 6. I was so sad from hearing that and a little bummed but after a while I became happy and grateful. God has given me the opportunity and that gift is waiting for me.

Over the weekend I basically did NOTHING, I lurked on forums and was looking at Maternity items...I know...I know...dont do this to yourself but  cannot help it. I am constantly thinking about the upcoming weeks and my sFET. I hope to use this down time productively....well hopefully... I want to excersise and loose 10 pounds, I plan to do the recommended Hysteroscopy Surgery once AF gets here, and I want me and DH (Dear Heart) to do a romantic getaway prior to ET.

One More Day until Judegment Day-Fertilization Report

Truth be told I am half way calm and half way loosing it....I find out tommorrow if my Embies made it to Blast...I am trying to keep myself busy and so far shopping has been the antidote to my poisonous feelings inside...I am terrified of the results so my plans are to make sure I am HOME, hopefully alone with DH.

Started my First IVF....

After several years of trying to get Preggers, and not being able to afford IVF on my own I came across a Clincial trial study that pays for it for the first time....here's my story..

I wont bore you with the let-downs that early August brought on with not being able to prove I ovulated which almost had me kicked out the study, or me taking BCP's as they suggested only to find that it put my ovaries to sleep too long of course me following the protocol to a T and only having 2 EGGS. I wont bore you with the fact that after doing bloodwork for almost 2 weeks straight my veins gave up and I felt like a Human Pin Cushion, oh no.No I wont bore you with that. I wont bore you with the fact that a friend of mine is knocked up and all my friends have their baby BUT me....I can hear the bilogical clok ticking....  Thank Goodness the needles are finally all behind me, well not really just for now.......I sit here patiently ready to hear the outcome....I wont know until 10/1/2011. I might need support, I might need a drink...I might  need.....not sure right now but I might need anything at that point...Anything to possibly numb me...Sweet Ignorant Bliss is priceless....


ER-9/24/2011
9/25/2011 Report-1 fertilized and the other kind of not sure
If all works out then sFET is October/November 2011 just freakin great..