THINGS GOT MORE WEIRD

So I left off stating that on 3/26 my HCG was 2120 well, on 3/28 it went to 4900, Estradiol at 416 and Progesterone at 26 all great except the Ultrasound only shows a tiny dot which could be a puesedo sac that would be in line with an Ectopic. The RE's office has communicated with the OB/GYN and all my records were sent over both have suggested to me that I am having an Ectopic pregnancy.....but things got weird.........

I saw an attending OB/GYN today 3/30/2012 and she looked at my charts she said there is NOTHING to her that suggests that I am having an ectopic however she is not saying I am NOT having one either. She said it could also be a blighted ovum but she hates to jump to conclusion without looking at all options because she told someone that and she has a healthy baby boy. Her advice to me was to go get another Ultrasound which I did and do more bloodwork. She also told me I should NOT have stopped medication and that nothing is over until it is confirmed over. After speaking with her I felt so much more comfortable she was so understanding, maybe because she was a woman.

Here is where it got weird, the Ultrasound tech today was the one that did my Ultrasound on 3/22 and saw nothing and now she says she sees a tiny black dot. She said what is strange about it is it was not there when she did her search the week before but then now it is present. She did the measurement of the dot and it is around 4 weeks 6 days...obviously these days are off for my FET ivf cycle and really I should be 6 weeks 6 days based on a blastocyst transfer but what the attending doctor told me echoed in my ears, "I have seen stranger things happen and it isnt over until it is confirmed over."

Here is an U/S pic of 4 weeks it isnt mine but it looks exactly the same

My feelings-I am COMPLETELY effing confused. I called DH and told him and he is just as confused. I have gone through so many emotions in one week it is crazy, first devastation, glimmer of hope, acceptance of the ectopic, pain in my heart for what I have to do, fear, and now glimmer of hope again. Realistically I am not sure if there could be a happy outcome even if my emby is fighting but if I can do anything to help I will. Due to the conflicted stories I wish I didnt stop the meds but I did. I wanted to note that I am still not feeling anything extreme, the frequent urine is not as much, my boobs still hurt even after stopping Progesterone for the last few days but nothing crazy. For now we will continue what little meds we have, thank God for this journey and continue to walk to see where the Lord is taking us.

LIMBO IS INTERESTING...

JUST A QUICK UPDATE FROM BETA YESTERDAY.......DRUM ROLL 2120? WTH? Yes I am just as confused as you may be too. Just a recap Beta #1=88, Beta #2=204, a whole week later Beta #3=520 (devastating tears), 4 days later Beta #4=2120. The RE's office is not sure what is happening but advised me that it should be higher so they fear ectopic and ordered more bloodwork and an U/S for 3/28/2012. They are being mindful to not get my hopes up and were apologetic that I am dealing with this, that made me feel so much better. The questions are asked again if I am feeling any pain or spotting and both are NO.

My feelings: I have to say I was very disappointed in my self for loosing hope so soon and not trusting in my God more. In no way am I thinking that everything is okay because the number I received yesterday should have at least been what I received on 3-22 but the fact that it went from 520 to 2120 in 4 days shows that there is progress, even if it is NOT in the right place. I prayed to God and his will be done in this situatiion.

Where do we go from here? For now we continue Meds, and wait to hear the results when completed on 3/28/2012. I will probably hear the U/S results sooner than the blood and know for sure if this ectopic, incomplete, heterotopic or normal. I have no preggo sympthoms really, just the boobs but attributed to the PIO injections. I feel good today and have been since yesterday BEFORE the news that beta went up, quite frankly I expected him to tell me it went down and I was fully awaiting that news. I have hope and have read cases where women have gone on to healthy pregnancies even with the setback of slow beta rises. God has this one and so I wait to see where the road leads, but it certainly makes limbo more interesting, but limbo still sucks.

DEVASTATING 3RD BETA AND LIMBO

On me and DH's 10 year anniversary, I received the news that in one week my HCG BETA only went from 204 to 520 and I am devastated. I cannot get into my feelings right now but I will later on, my way of healing is pushing it all away for now and being prayerful and thankful. I am in Limbo because I was advised to continue on meds which I did not want to and honestly I didnt really take the pills and then I had to do another Beta this morning which brought tears to my eyes. I may not even answer the phone when called with the results. I am choosing to not answer the phone because I did when I got the news last week and it is hard to deal with while working. I will come back to document the events in more detail but for now, I just wanted to add the serenity prayer. I choose to walk out the journey the Lord has for me…and while I may not understand the why’s, I remember that I am loved by a Father who would stop at nothing to prove just how much. Living by love requires constant choices on my part to live that way, to trust that way, to understand that I am not and will never be abandoned. But my humanness reverts easily to feel brokem when the circumstances around me hurt.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

The Appt I could have done without

Here's how it went down.....

3/19/2012

Anxiously I awaited my first prenatal visit, full of excitement, nervousness and anticipation but was met with somewhat of a flat feeling when I left.

First let's talk about the wait, okay it was only 30 minutes but still, the nurse had me pee in a cup to confirm I was pregnant...hmmm has anyone lied about being pregnant to see the doctor? Sorry that cynical thought did run across my mind while I peeing in the cup I know it is procedure. Anyway nurse lady was calculating my due date and did it based on a 3 day IVF transfer and she came up with 11/24/2012 to which she sweetly mumbled that it will be more accurate when I do my first U/S ( no shit sherlock). Again it was NOT her fault, I was kinda cranky from waiting was all. It went on to her telling me she has no idea what a blastocyst was..... WHAT?, whether I did an embryo transfer or not that is something I would presume you would know working in an OB/GYN's office and seeing a parade of pregnant women. OMG the thought hit, does she know where babies come from? :-) I should probably give her one of my pregnancy books.

I was being nice until she scarcastically said wow why go to NYC you do know we do IVF in FL to which I flippantly said "Well it was free, thats right FREE IVF, so it worked for me". Yep that shut her up while she went over and typed up some notes but she got me good, she made me get on the scale, my arch nemesis... ( expletives were floating in my head) BUT I am a christian woman, and trying to become a more understanding person, so I know that I have to curb my language, (says the woman that sometimes when extremely angry blurts a few expletives), HEY I AM HUMAN, a God fearing and loving human but HUMAN none the less..not perfect.

Okay went into the Doctors chambers to talk, I wasn't happy I was not shown to a medical room but whatever. His office is expansive and really lovely south florida views, reall tranquil, the chairs were comfy, I had a nice view and was about to dose off when he walks in. CRAP !!!

Hey how are you, how can I help you. Of course I couldn't resist and so I said read your chart. He switched gears and told me how lovely I looked, yeah right....I had the worst hair day from hell but nice try. Anyway all in all he was telling me the brown spotting was normal, that it could be a miscarriage yep fun stuff that is exactly what I wanted to do pay a co-pay to be scared half to death. He said he knows how much I want this and goes on to reiminsce about my damage tubes and him finding it....okay I allowed him the memory lane thing and at the end of it he then told me some other scary stuff that my Beta should be 3200 on thursday and that he will schedule an U/S friday and then a follow up immediately, hhhhmmm.

So in a nut shell, the Appt let me feeling flat and him dropping the M word twice didnt go over well with me. He didnt ask me how I was eating but he did ask me if I was tired and if my boobs hurt. He didnt offer me any books ( I already have 2) and he didnt ask me or offer to write me a script for prenatals so as the title says... THIS WAS AN APPT I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT.

My next beta is 3/22 and I cannot wait, I am still sleepy, boobs hurt and itch. I read somewhere that itching causes stretch marks so lately I have been applying Cocoa butter cream and NO it doesnt really help so I will move on to the oil and vitamin E oil. These are the little things I think of to remain positive that my baby is growing and getting comfy in mommy.
Today I could be 5w1d, 5w3d or for some 5w5d. I am completely confused and cannot wait to get a more accurate time. I am in an exceptionally chipper mood today. Yesterday I made the decision to stop freaking myself out about what i am feeling and what I am NOT feeling, just to enjoy the ride.

Move Along Sunday So I can get to Manic Monday

WARNING I AM JUST RAMBLING IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS

Most times I cannot wait for the weekends to get here, for some much needed R & R but this one I am wishing away so I can get in to see the OB/GYN monday afternoon. The brown spotting is BACK. Initially it stopped thursday night, it then came again saturday afternoon once, I noticed AFTER me and DH did the laundry and then later in the evening I had such sharp pains in my stomach he almost couldn't do the PIO shot and then just as suddenly it stopped. Sleeping was very difficult my boobs hurt so much and then I woke up this morning and more spotting again, it is definitely nerve wrecking so the very first thing I do as I do daily is send my prayers to God and thanking him for another day, for our baby, and for blessing my womb and keeping my baby safe. I am SO ready to go see the OB/GYN to get some more insight, waiting for beta thursday will not sit too well with me.

Me and DH need your prayers for our embie that he is snuggling inside mommy and fighting to hold on.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Vintage Inspires Me
I love the fashion of the 20's, 30's and the 40's. I have always wanted to do the pin up thing but never actually went through with it, I have bits and pieces of clothing here and there. Anyway while browsing the net and trying to send my embie sticky vibes I came across a site that offered you guessed it VINTAGE Maternity Wear, how exciting. Woo Hoo, I am not sure I would actually shop at the website but I definitely will take inspiration.

http://www.shabbyapple.com/c-35-mama-apple.aspx

Wedding Planning
Another way I am trying to pass the time today is doing some wedding planning for my self as well as some would be clients. I am an event planner mainly started as a hobby. So far only 1 wedding but have planned and executed several themed birtday parties, baby showers, and bachelorette parties and I absolutely LOVE IT. I am a planner so dealing with things that are not always tangible for me can be difficult. I really love watching the show FOUR WEDDINGS ON TLC. If you havent checked it out you should it is so much fun to watch, not just for ideas but also to take notes of the comments from the visiting guests. Do not get me started on David Tutera on My Fair Weddings on WE TV, I just love his creativity.

The Wedding Dress
I have been secretly coveting a particular wedding dress by designer Mori Lee. I LOVE IT but will not wear it to my wedding, and here is why, while absolutely stunning, the reception will be a party feel and I know this will be way to sophisticated for the atmosphere....In the meantime I share its beauty here for any bride to be that may come across this picture. BTW it is style 1801

Premature to Plan Ahead ?

I woke up ridiculously early this morning and I fully expect to nap maybe several times throughout the day. I decided to remove the due date ticker for a few reasons

1. I think the dates are wrong
2. I would hate for someone that had a bad cycle to see that right now
3. I could be jumping the gun a little and I need to wait until I feel 100% secure.

Anyway yesterday I called my OB/GYN's office and to my complete surprise I was asked to come in Monday for my first prenatal appointment which I think puts me at a solid 5 weeks or 5w2d. I contemplated contacting them prior to being released from the RE because the RE is miles away for me and I have to wait and wait for my next instructions, I think I would be more at ease if I can at least already have this process started so should anything arise....I pray nothing of course...then they can handle my needs. Hence the title Premature to plan ahead?

Symptoms: Tingling or soreness in my tatas (breasts) and darkening of the areola, the need to urinate more frequently and feeling more tired than usual. No morning sickness but hungry feelings then when I start to eat I feel full after a few bites and definitely having food aversions.

FUN STUFF
This morning I came across something on the internet that is so me and I thought I should share...Economical, Fashion-Forward Maternity Wear for Stylish Moms-to-Be. Holy crap this is sooooo right up my alley. I like to stay on top of the fashion trends for the most part. Some things I dont indulge in but for the most part it is just me. I love clothes, and I love shoes, the intensity isnt as I was in my 20's when I have blown an entire weeks paycheck on clothes, shoes and handbags absolutely irresponsibly. Now I try to do little perk shopping here and there and of course around the seasons. I am a regular at the Semi Annual sales at Victoria Secrets and I may need to buy stock in Macy's and Charlotte Russe when they have sales. For the past 8 months while going through this journey to conceive, I have gained weight and not been as trendy as I normally am. I suppose the endless doctor visits, blood draws, disappointments and emotional rollercoaster didnt really cause there to be much of an appeal. Havent touched stilletos since....hell well over 2 months a go and I am going through fashion withdrawal. These things are of course petty at the moment and heels shouldn't hurt my embie but the fear that it will outweighs the vanity to wear them. The biggest factor is also the $$$$$$ DINERO, me and DH have been spending so much all in such a short time that it has put a dent in our wallets. To top things off we are saving for a wedding a year from now......seems like it may turn out to be a tiny shindig after all. Ok enough rambling about me.

Sassy Info

Denim Therapy Jeans....Expecting moms can reduce their carbon footprint (and forgo buying frumpy ‘mom’ jeans) and reuse their favorite pair of jeans as maternity wear by having Denim Therapy expand the waistline to fit their burgeoning belly throughout pregnancy

Directly from there website "Denim Therapy will restore your jeans to their original size. The cost? Just $60. What a great green alternative that will leave you looking like a ‘haute mama‘ in your jeans throughout your pregnancy and beyond"



Of course my attitude is this, what is the material used for the stretch and can't I try adding this myself? Uhhhmmm okay I would sooner take it to the nearest seamstress but still it has to be cheaper than sending it out with shipping and handling. I do have a pair or two of jeans I adore and would love to do this to but then again Motherhood carries great styles from heidi Klum for less to begin with...so while they offer economical ideas it may not be the "BEST" deals, the fact that they exist for a fashionista like me though is enough to make a girl smile.

Another great thing on the market
A Bella band is every pregnant woman’s best friend for keeping unbuttoned pants cleverly and discreetly concealed during those awkward ‘in-between’ stages of one’s pregnancy.

I will share more ideas as I find them and of course as I need/wear them but for now just browsing the things that are to come.

One thing I may HAVE to buy this weekend is a SLEEP Bra, I was desperate to find out what others used for relief with the boob soreness thing... DH hugged me full on yesterday and it was so painful, showers arent so bad though but laying on my girls a certain way....OUCH....anyway someone recommend these and I will probably indulge.
Here are some other tips that are also helpful.

•Wear a sports bra.
A sports bra can help minimize movement of your breasts, which is one reason you might feel pain. YES I love my sports brs right now.

•Sleep in a bra.
You might find that sleeping in a bra is helpful to minimize movement and help with tenderness. I havent slept without one in days.

BETA #2 AND A BROWN VISITOR

First the good news....

I got BETA # 2 results yesterday 3/14/2012 and it was 204, that is a doubling time of 39.57 WOO HOO.

My little peanut is making a home in mamas womb, carry on my sweet go as deep as you need to and grow, grow, grow. I am not so sure that ticker is accurate with how far along I am but I guess I can always change that when I do my first ultrasound. Next Beta testing is 3/22/2012 but I may do one sooner, well maybe.

Not so good news.....I think...

This morning I noticed that after peeing when I wipe I see light brown on TP, like the end of your period type thing but light and nothing on my undies.



Another freaking thing to make me worry and wonder what the heck is going on right? I turned to Dr. Google and it seems to be common, it could be implantation bleeding, some left over gunk in my cervix or of course a miscarriage. I didnt want to think of the "M" word but I know that it exists but I wont speak that into my existence, I spent the day working, talking to my tummy privately and staying positive. My prayers are already with my God. This too is but another turn on my journey for baby. The devil will not have me a worrysome mess though, my God has got complete control and will take care of it all.

I have had no cramps today, well none I can remember just maybe a pulling here and there. Since I am on a medicated cycle it is hard to tell what I am feeling or what I should attribute to my body or these meds that are going into my body. It's all so confusing at times. What I can do is eat right, and give my baby all the nutrients it needs, I hope spicy isnt a problem because I love spicy food, hmmmmmmm I love Spicy Ginger Chicken or Pad Thai Chicken. I will of course limit my intake but it is my guilty pleasure. DH has banned me from seafood, when the heck did he become an MD? They told me only 2 12 oz servings of fish per week and he translated this to NO seafood. I won't argue.....for now......but when I am in the mood for shrimp then he will have to shut up.

Changes: None same old sore boobs not so terrible though, nails are growing, face is glowing ( could be the estrogen pills though) and smells are starting to become heightened, this morning I would have thrown myself out of the car than to smell DH's breakfast another second, thank goodness he was at his destination when I at the bring of insanity from the smell.


Side Note:
Me and DH ( Dear Heart and soon to be Dear Husband) are trying to save for our wedding a year from now currently we have depleted all funds, then my car went in the shop and the repairs are a whopping $500 WTH, oh well thank goodness we have 2 cars so while it makes things a little tricky, it didnt cause too much a dent in our lives just our wallets. I pray there is nothing else so I can get back on track, obviously this wedding will become more DIY then I anticipated but hey, it is about our love and celebrating with or friends.

BETA RESULTS 9DP6DT

Beta results for 3/12/2012 9dp6dt was 88.. I am not dreaming, I didn't imagine the test lines for the first time in my life,

I AM PREGNANT

.

Myth: Once you get a positive pregnancy test, all is well and IF is over.-NOT.
Even though you may hit that milestone during your IF treatments of seeing those 2 pink lines, it honestly means nothing to most of us until the end result of holding a healthy baby in our arms. IF will never be over even once I am holding a baby because the chances of me conceiving on my own are slim to none. I am the believer of jumping hurdles though so seeing that positive was one, getting it confirmed is another, but there are others, oh yes there are others and I have faith like a mustard seed. I am cautiously excited as most infertiles are when they get the news they have been hoping for, but numbers, doubling times, and that feelings of gut wrenching fear take away the complete bliss that we should feel. At the moment what are my thoughts? Hoping that my Beta is doubling. I found this tidbit of information online.....

IT (beta) does NOT need to double in 48hrs. Doubling rate is 48-72hrs. A 60% increase in 48hrs is really what is looked for.

Of course, leave it to me...I'm officially pregnant, prayerful, BUT YET still a little worried! I have learned to try not to worry while I wait oo much though, it will not change the outcome one way or the other SO I might as well enjoy this blissful momonet and the GOOD news shared rather than the ones that might be shared or may never be shared. I am hoping no bad news are EVER shared, I have had enough, so much it prompted me to start blogging because it seemed I would never make it to ET.

Sympthoms-Sleepy, tired, sore boobs, off and on cramping, hunger pains and thirst. I can write off every single one of those to PIO and the extra weight I have gained due to it as well.

According to some calculators I am 4w1d and others 4w5d, either way just pregnant I suppose, according to justmommies.com


4 weeks is as follows
Baby: Baby is approximately 1 mm long (about the size of a poppy seed) and looks sort of like a tadpole. Your microscopic embryo is already hard at work this week creating the placenta, umbilical cord and the basics of his or her body.

Your second trimester begins May 08, 2012.
Your third trimester begins August 21, 2012.


MORE INFO TO KEEP ME SANE

Beta hCG level chart

hCG levels during pregnancy
(in weeks since last menstrual period)

3 weeks LMP 5 - 50 mIU/ml
4 weeks LMP 5 - 426 mIU/ml
5 weeks LMP 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
6 weeks LMP 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
7 - 8 weeks LMP 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
9 - 12 weeks LMP 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
13 - 16 weeks LMP 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
17 - 24 weeks LMP 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
25 - 40 weeks LMP 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
non pregnant 55-200 ng/ml

Progesterone Level Chart

Progesterone during pregnancy
First Trimester 9-47
Second Trimester 17-147 ng/ml
Third Trimester 55-200 ng/ml

POAS Remorse but hey I did it again

Friday 3/9/2012 at 5pm I bought and peed on a stick, I did it rather quickly and it was prompted because I getting those AF (Aunt Flow) like cramps and there it was 6dp6dt the second line bright not as bright as control but there all the same, I showed DH and while elated we were nervous and went about our evening of a movie at home and dinner. The night progressed to PIO shots and endless peeing for me. I admit I also woke up drank some water and then peed which probably didn't make it any better. If I didnt know better it felt like I got up 100 times but really it may have been 10 but boy it was annoying.

Saturday morning 3/10 at 6am I get up and peed on the second test did I mention I used Firt Response Early Response? Anyway this time it took the 3 or so minutes for the second line and it was much lighter than the one I took the day before and my stomach sank. I wasn't going to tell DH because he had to go to work but he woke up and wanted to see it and did and said well

A LINE IS A LINE

This is absolutely one of the reasons I love DH no matter what he almost ALWAYS see the glass as half full, always optimistic. I am the same but I at times falter but not him, it just isnt over until it's over for him. I did a quick research maybe to ease my mind, or just to confirm any dreaded false news but this is what I have learned about Home Preganancy Tests

no two tests are the same EVEN from the same box,
once you see a line it isn't relevant that it is faint or bright if HCG is detected in your urine then you should assume you are positive.

We remain prayerful and hopeful that our emby has stuck and is in there snuggling tight with mommy. I have decided against peeing on any more sticks, well I hope I don't anyway. I didnt like the up and down feeling. Would I recommend that people pee on a stick? No ! But if you must, I would say wait it out maybe until the morning of Beta testing, save yourself the torture and madness. This way you are not worried if you saw a shadow, or an actual line.

To my emby,
I know you have been very busy for the past few days. Fighting your way in the darkness of my body. You were my perfect blast when transferred, I hope you are getting snuggly tight inside. Fight as hard as you can my child to be so in 9 months I get to see you and hold you in my arms. Me and your Dad want you so much so continue to fight. God has blessed us with your development, for without him none of this would be possible. Let him continue to guide your way and stay embie, please stay. Hold on tight and fight fight fight. Mommy has beening helping in anyway with the PIO shots and, Estrace and Prenatal pills, if there was anything else I could do, I would gladly do it to make sure I see you.

Love
Your Mom



PART 2-More STICKS PLEASE AND YOU WILL SEE WHY

My 8dp6dt test is much darker now BUT it does not show well in the photo.

3:00 p.m. I was over doing things and my body responded by some serious lower back pains and harsh AF like cramps. I became really uneasy, and I told DH to drive me to the store. I bought another 2 pack of First Reponse, it took me a while to buy them. My rational is blood test is in the morning so why spend more but the cramps, me over doing it and so forth.

Here are all the sticks I kept, why you ask? I dunno I suppose for my own sense of comfort, or hope. An infertile's hurdles never seem to end first you pray for a positive, then a good beta, then that the beta doubles and so on and so on and so on.

View my parade of sticks, the photos suck sorry I used my crappy phone.

To Pee or Not to Pee On a Stick...JUST SPRINKLE BABY DUST INSTEAD

I have been going back and forth in my head on if I want to POAS (Pee On Stick-referring to a home pregnancy test) or to Not Pee. I am not sure what I am feeling inside and do not think I am feeling anything at all. Thank goodness the clinic I attend tests in 7 days for me 9 since the 7th day would be on a saturday...great 2 more days of ignorant bliss if I choose. But would rather than stress over testing just blessings, baby dust, and 2 more days to tell my embie to stay with mommy.

On one hand I do not want to know, on the other I want to know a head of time to either be extremely happy or deal with whatever I may need to. I am hoping for the best, I want a baby, me and DH both. My temptation increases day to day but I have some good and bad things to keep me distracted.



BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS SECTION

The Bad-I found out that our dept would be closing down soon and the office moved an hour away, this would be okay except I already drive 30 mins to work so an hour and a half for me would not be practical that would be 3 hours of travel time and too stressful besides wont even entertain it if offered. I am sworn to secrecy so I have been walking around with this all week and I feel bad that I know but glad that I know. All savings have been depleted on traveling, meds, and our result having to pay out of pocket for the doctor. My plan is to wait it out and be as surprised as everybody else when the ax falls, I plan to go back to school too, I have always had a strong interest in Law, we shall see. The plan is no more spending, and the wedding plans probably will be tweaked but I have so much faith if NOT working and going to school is too much then I will go back to work. DH has a trade but as such one week he is busy and the next he may not be, it isnt ideal and the medical insurance is probably my biggest worry...which reminds me to make a bunch of appointments in the next coming weeks and not touch my vacation time since I will get paid for them.

The Good- Life is good and everyday is a gift. My Happy and positive outlook on things, the reassuring way I feel after speaking with God and also speaking to my Embie that was transferred to my uterus. It gives me peace so to go pee on a stick right now for me....may not be the best thing.

Egg Transfer FINALLY Over ... 3-3-2012

Should have been posted 3/5/2012 but glitch in the Matrix I guess.


One thing I have learnt on this journey, You need to be hopeful, but at the same time, if you have unrealistically high expectations, you have further to fall, if events don’t work out as you hope.

Arrived in NYC Wednesday Night
At New Hope by 8:00 am ...I went back for monitoring on thursday to confirm there was fluid and EURKEA there was fluid but lining and all levels were PERFECT and miraculously no fluid in the Uterus which I suppose is some good news. They determined that our transfer would take place on Saturday 3/3/2012 WOO HOO. It was really going to happen!!

On the subway I was so nervous, but held DH's hand at various points throughout the trip back to our friends apartment (she has no idea what we are doing or what we will be doing in 2 days), might I add there are always some very interesting characters are on the Subway.

When I arrived at New Hope 3/3 for my ET ( Egg Transfer), I was beaming but not as nervous as I anticipated, wasnt sure if I was being normal. Imagine my shock when I saw the largest group of people in the waiting room I had ever encountered…The thawing process takes a few hours and my transfer was scheduled for 10a.m. but they had asked me to arrive at 9a.m. so there I was AT 8:40 just sitting with DH scanning the room and waiting our turn.

At 9:40, my name was called and she was smiling – THANK GOD!
another hurdle crossed...
I followed her into the room, changed into my glamour gown and went out to the waiting room to wait my turn.

My name was called, I verified my information, they checked my medical bracelet to make sure everything matched, and I was led back to "the chair" I am not a fan of this chair and told DH about it… this baby has holsters for your thighs. There was the doctor, embryologist and a nurse that seemed like she wasnt in the mood to be there today. OH WELL. I positioned myself, the most unflattering lights in the universe were shown on my most unflattering parts, and another doc walked in to assist. Then the most magical and scientifically amazing thing took place… they first showed me the swollen tube and then began the work on aspiration, I actually watched and heard the fluid being drained...I didnt look at the actual fluid when it came out didnt want to see it. As far as I am concerned that fluid is evil and toxic for my baby.

Anyway they then started the process of transferring my emby, I was so nervous but made myself calm down, I didnt want to mess anything up, I relaxed and thought, my sweetie is coming home...He then used a tiny syringe to extract the embryo from the microscope slide and carefully handed it to the doctor, It was all over in less than 10 minutes. I was then escorted to the recovery chairs and there I layed back with legs propped up for 15 minutes alone with my thougths and my embie. The nurse came in and gave me an HCG shot after ( OUCH)and then it hit me Wow, I am pregnant until proven otherwise…

All the odds were stacked against this embryo but all the love too:

-It reached blastocyst a day later than it should have (day 6)
-I have Hydrosalphinx in both tubes the right is still open but the Left was fluid filled and it had to be aspirated prior to the ET.
-It was just one! And we have NO MORE...

There are some reports that a medicated cycle is better than a natural that may up out chances but I dont care just want a baby.

The trip home 3/4/2012, it didnt hit me until after that maybe I shouldnt have let them have me go through the airport scan, and also the fact that I ate things it was recommended not to....Boobs are swollen and heavy but due to the excessive hormones being pumped in my body, did i pick up the suitcase? It is going to be a long week.

Part 2.

Went to work and it was just all i could do to work all day, just wasnt in the mood to work and sleepy, probably due to anxiety and then found out it is archiving time so yes we professionals have to get down and dirty and put away 2011 filing.....OH NO NO, no heavy lifting for me will have to pop in to my primary care and get a note. :-)