Stim Day 1...........TRAUMA

Just as the title says....it was Traumatic, not because of needle fear, not because I was nervous about using the wrong doses, because of......................DH yelling at me that I was doing it wrong ( I wasn't) and making an already stressful situation worse....I will be happy to do the shots ALONE. He can do my PIO as he did on our mini cycle, clearly multi mixing makes him crazy. Truthfully he stuck me with the needle tonight and it was seamless but the anxiety, the yelling,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THANNNNKKKKKKKKSSSSSSS
honey, smooches.

So what caused the dilemna?
It's simple really my husband is nuts..(not really) the doctor asked that we mix the Gonal-F into the Menopur....it came easy for me....DH on the other hand was convinced ( rightly so I suppose in hindsight, he was watching the videos and saw differently) that it should go directly in my stomach. Keep in mind "I" am the one the nurse gave the directions to, the one the nurse called, the one she confirmed with 3 times how this is to be administered, the one who even went on CNY youtube channels to see...why yes it can be mixed. Anyway first stick over and done with...and so is my sanity...even if the dose was off, screw it for now...for the next few days am doing it ALONE with soothing spa music in the background and my crazy husband....AWAY from me.

In other news  AF isn't here, but per the doctor at the baseline to start stims anyway. I suspect it may be here in any day now....I was VERY nervous being on birth control because I took them for 2 weeks with the mini ivf 2011, and it seriously quieted down my body way too much. Anyway I cannot worry about it
now...onward and upward...

2 more days.........

To start stimming...... YAY...still not sure if I will go to the clinic for the demo, it's an hour away and to take more time out of work just for that doesn't make sense to me. There are video's out there, besides while it's been 2 years since we did the Mini and we are rusty, this isn't our first rodeo. We will suck it up and get it right, we watched the last ones over and over before we did the first stick, we will start tonight.

No sign of AF yet but I wasn't holding my breath either. Today I ordered a few more meds, the HCG trigger, the progesterone and more syringes they are scheduled to be here friday.
The ONLY med pending on the list is the Endometrin. I can order that even the day before needed. I like that with Freedom Pharmacy, they ship Fedex Overnight for FREE. Considering all that we have to deal with, this is awesome.

I am SUPER jealous of DH he gets Monday off (Columbus Day) :-/ wish I could get the same, would love an extended weekend for some much needed R & R.

Just 2 more days and I am excited, nervous, happy, crazy, anxious, and worried all at once.

CLARITY

 Spoke with my favourite nurse this morning, Nurse S.  She is so awesome and easy to deal with. Anyway regaring my concerns..
1. Cetrotide not on the schedule yet until my hormones show when to add them
2. Order both Endometrin and in Oil, the doctor prefers the suppository....crap... oh well perhaps I am jumping a head of myself to even worry about it, not that I am not going into to this with lots of faith and positivity.
3. What was the 3rd again...LOL oh yeah the time it takes to monitor, this is how they do it....O.K.A.Y. again not going to worry about it. Just going to pray I respond well to the meds I am prescribed and have lots of healthy embies....

I keep having broken sleeps the last several nights, it is a side effect of the BCP, I stopped that Sunday but I am sure it will take a few days to get out of my system but the CO-Q10 Ubiquinol probably is the one doing it as well. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO terrible at taking it. I probably do 1 100mg pill in the morning with breakfast every now and again when I feel like it. The positive thing is honestly it gives me so much energy throughout the day....I think it is a great supplement to take, it does say not while pregnant though.

Not much else to report...AF "should" be here tommorrow but I won't hold my breath.....since her long delay after my Lap surgery 7/2....she at the moment is unpredictable...but we shall see. Supposedly she should arrive 3-5 days after the BCP.

Kicking Rocks

Stopped BCP last night as the schedule says.
I emailed the RE's office this morning for my 3 concerns confirmations below...just waiting to hear back to put my mind at ease.
1.)  I start stimming 10/11 and do not go in for monitoring until 10/17th is this accurate? 6 days of monioring with absolutely no scans or bloodtests until day 7 when I will be doing the others?
2.) Also I noticed that my schedule DID NOT include cetrotide so waiting to hear on that too, from lurking on forums, posts and blogs most peoples start Cetrotide Day 5-Day 6 of stimming, I won't see them until Day 7 but the morning after doing Day 6 of stimming.
3.) Do I need to use both Endometrin and Progesterone in Oil. I would RATHER the oil and no messy pessy thanks

Let's see what I find out...according to this schedule, AF should be here on wednesay, I did ask if it did not show up if I should stim and I was told yes...I will confirm this but I hope AF come as she should..

Cycle Update & a Schedule

Looks like things are looking up............YAY....yay...yay (happy dance)
There is goods news, and kiss my a@@ insurance news..

Kiss my a@@ news
I did Lap surgery in prep for this cycle on 7/2. The clinic was kind enough to send me a huge bill of things my insurance WOULD NOT cover yesterday, LOVELY. Me and DH are hoping that they do not require we pay this all off prior to egg transfer, no way we can afford to. Not going to stress it now.....let's not borrow tommorrow's troubles shall we.

Cycle Update/ Schedule & Good News
So my baseline was yesterday, after being on BCP ( Birth Control Pills) since 9/7. The doc said my uterus looks beautiful.......awwwww this made me blush. We did an AFC ( Antral Follicle Count) at leaast 13 on left and at least 6 on the right.....once again I want to kick righty in the ovary, clearly she is completely LAZY. Well I am focusing on lefty and hoping that all works out. They did blood draw to track E2 levels but I told myself I didn't want to let my self go crazy with numbers this cycle, as long they say good or normal I can work with that. DH could not make the appointment so the doctor wanted to know if he could "produce" on demand....I said lots of pressure but I am sure he can. Did you remember in June DH was required, yes REQUIRED to cryo-freeze his sperm for backup when they did the analysis? So I said "won't that be available" and not surprisingly there was silence. I am aware we are being nickel & dimed...I guess I see their position, ladies and gentlemen NOTHING is truly ever free. At the end of this "Free IVF" I will let you know our costs.

Protocol-OCP / Antagonist...which is Oral Contraception Pill Antagonist
I will scan it and create a tab later. I did some research since I wanted to have an idea on what exactly this would all include. Basically stims and then Cetrotride to prevent Ovulation and supposedly this protocol isn't so hard on the body and less injections......now this I am excited for.
Looking at this schedule, it shows stim for 6 days then go in for Labs? Yeah am confused too but it also shows from stim to Day 9 for trigger, it also does not include the Cetritide that the doctor ordered. I will ask about that monday, didn't see it until now which sucks I spent 2 hours there which included watching a Follistim video....while I do not plan to focus on numbers, I know I have to be my own advocate, and ensure I am getting the right info. I am not surprised though, there was a review from this clinic and a patient said something along these lines. Meds I do not play around with, also they want me to come in on Stim Day 1 to do the first injections with me. I am not worried nor do I care to do it but might to appease them. I think they have forgotten that I have been through IVF before, albeit MINI with less drugs but still Menopur and me are no strangers, the Gonal F pen looks easy peasy, but we shall see.

Scedule so far
Stop BCP 10/6
Expect menses
10/11 Start Stim ( Gonal F 225 IU & 75 Menopur as well as baby aspirin & antibiotics, and prenatals)
10/17 Labs 7:30 AM
10/20 Tentative Egg Retrieval

**The good thing about this schedule is that I have something to go off of in regards to letting my employer know am out. I am secretly HOPING egg retrieval is on the weekend so no time from work really but eitherway we will have to do what we must, this is more important.**


Update 10/7/2013
Day 2 of Stims start taking antibiotics (Doxycycline) oh how I hate this one, took it just one day post my lap in July and it made me feel awful. I know we will have to take with food to minimize the side effects.....and yeah you read right both me and DH will be taking them for 10 days. DH thinks it is a great plan. I don't know how I feel about it, I guess it doesn't matter as long as it helps, besides if it will minimize any infections during Egg Retrieval then bring it on. I have to remind myself to drop this off at the pharmacy.

Kudos to Freedom Fertility Pharmacy

While they did not call they shipped my meds yesterday and they are here today.....I had them delivered to a Fedex location on my way home, did a quick check and put them back in the refrigerator. Life is good. I cannot wait to get off the birth control pills....:-) I have mixed emotions....one minute its YAY...am on my way and the next its this sucks, this really sucks......

1/3 Check

I am happy to report that my Menopur are here (happy dance). My prescription says 10 vials and I got 15 so far, actually 16.....still have a vial from my mini ivf not sure if expired though

What I am not happy to report is that Freedom Fertility did not call me today as promised to confirm my order for Gonal-F and Cetrotide and to ship it.........lovely. GOOD thing i don't start stimming until 10/11. Take note order your meds ahead.

And tonight DH made a comment about "when am pregnant"..makes me so nervous. I don't want to let him down but this is out of our hands.....its in Gods and there I leave it...

It's hum drum

I am happily counting the days down until Oct 4th, (next friday) when I go in and get some news..since I haven't started I do not have much to say here or to document. It's pretty Blah, hum drum around here.

MEDS
I did want to update that the person that was supposed to sell me the Menopur that I wrote about last week, did not. (Sigh) Oh well, DH said well just buy it from Freedom and call it a day or try 1 more time. Today I found someone in my state that had a cancelled cycle with just about all the meds I need. It sucks to have a cancelled cycle, but it could be due to great surprises, anyway she is shipping the menopur fingers crossed tommorrow and it will be about $400 for 3 boxes which includes shipping and the COD fee.
The nurse confirmed that she sent my prescription to Freedom Fertility yesterday 9-23 and I can say at this time I have not heard from them yet. I plan to call either later today or tommorrow. I have heard mostly good things about them but there are some not so good stories. Since we are paying out of pocket we will order as we go. Risky...? YES but at the same time it won't leave us completely at too much of a loss since they ship for free overnight. I hope I am not playing too much with fire but dropping too much on meds I will not use is NOT appealing either and running out will of course send me in a panic. I pray it will all work out and if necessary and I need to order at the drop of a hat then there are no worries, besides the clinic may have a sample stash they can help out with.

The ones we won't order until Day 1 (Oct 11) will be Endometrin and Progesterone in Oil. Why? For 1. I  need to know why are we ordering both since they do the same thing. In oil is $35 per vial roughly several days shots and the Endometrin is quoted at $400 plus for 63 pills ( vaginal insertion). I will happily get the one in my butt and deal with the lumps and not leaky mess ( sorry TMI). Here's another kicker if the prescription for Endometrin is called in from a Specialty Pharmacy it is $400 plus BUT when I quoted it online for Walgreens / CVS my insurance will cover and my co-pay would be $40....Don't you just love the insurance companies. (rolling my eyes)
I won't know what this is all about until I see the RE next week. In the meantime will order majority of the meds when I get the call from Freedom, sit tight, and wait to get this whole ordeal going.

BCP-I still hate them, my boobs have grown and I am moody and cannot sleep.

BCP

I HATE BCP's ( Birth Control Pills)...I absolutely hate the way they make me feel. Just absolutely disgusting and YAY me for being on them for another 3 weeks. ( rolling eyes)
On a brighter note-I  had a fabulous weekend, complete with hanging out and enjoying seafood. I admit I am tired of the isolation this whole experience causes....you are either thinking of becoming pregnant, cycling, waiting to cycle, or getting over a cycle. Infertility sucks.
The silver lining is that I was able to score 3 boxes of Menopur for the price of 1 from a previous cycler. I still plan to buy 1 box from Freedom though. My prescription is for 10 vials and I "plan" to get 20 vials to prepare, the worse case scenario is that I will not need as much but let's be realistic...even when I did mini-ivf the birth control pills I took for 2 weeks quieted it down my system too MUCH so I had to up the menopur dosage, it didn't help much but I am going to this a little better prepared.
On my script between this and th Gonal-F these are the bigger ticket items. My rationale is that I can always get the trigger the week I start stims...as well as the progesterone. It would be ideal to have ALL meds prior to cycling but realistically when paying Out of Pocket, this is extremely difficult but God's willing it will happen.
I am still at a standstill with the 7 pound weight loss but the good thing I feel healhier and enjoy power walking / jogging. 

The Ball is Rolling....well somewhat !

So the ball is sort of rolling which is a GREAT thing and so now I am documenting in the event I loose this loose piece of paper noted from the Nurse.

CD 1 9/6
CD 2 9/7-Started BCP ( Birth Control Pills)
CD 5-Nurse calls to advise me the game plan for the upcoming cycle and that she already called in my prescription......wait WHAT? I am paying out of pocket and need to be savy and price shop, my insurance covers NOTHING but thank goodness we do have the 75% from the compassionate program for Gonal F, Certrocide ( am sure this is spelt wrong oh well) & Ovidrel.

Anyway continue taking BCP until  10/4th which I am NOT happy about but at the same time whatever it is what it is.

Oct 4th- at 2:30 pm Baseline, Med Instructions, etc expect to be there for a few hours per nurse so not able to return to work
Oct 7th-Stop BCP
Oct 11th-Start Stims.

So that is the plan in a nutshell.  I am not a fan of the BCP's so far and remember being on them for a short time with the Mini Ivf in 2011, I was told that they shut down my system too well, we shall see... Ball is rolling and I am happy....

What the what?

So let me start by recapping my day yesterday

Thursday 9/5/13
I have been SUPER Cranky. I called the RE's office, annoyed as there is still no AF, then I was advised to do bloodwork the next day, and then ultrasound on 9/9. It is a step in the right direction but I was very irritated. I told my husband I didn't like what the nurse was implying, I mean they did say they would give me provera to get  my cycle going and I had to suggest perhaps the doctor should do an Ultrasound since I am concerned. I don't know, just didn't like the overall feeling of the phone conversation. My cycles have been missing since the Lap, DH told me not to worry and it will all work out. I said a prayer, remained grumpy but decided to leave it in God's hands and told DH, nothing before it's time I guess.

Which brings me to today
Quest Diagnostic @ 7am and did the bloodwork, on way to work felt slight cramps, thought hey those feel like AF could this be real....turned up the radio sang to work and forgot about it. Got to desk, started day then major cramps, what? go to restroom and there she is,  Aunt Flow.
It has been light all day but the cramps are the worse I can remember....I suppose my body took its own time to heal and now here she is. I jumped for joy in the rest room, and high fived the air. I was so ecstatic I called the clinic and told the nurse and she said, "you know funny thing the head nurse said yesterday I bet her cycle starts on friday....anyway she said start your birth control pills tommorrow cycle day 2, I have an IVF meeting with the doctor on tuesday and then I will get back to you with the rest of the protocol and meds....She also said I may be on bcp for only a week".....
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I mean I guess I am in shock that this could possibly go so fast, then I question is my body completely healed? Why wasn't a game plan already in place? I have mixed feelings but I have ZERO control over the cycle, you see this is the price you pay for winning a free cycle, you feel like you just have to go along. I am sure him doing all he can to get me pregnant will only do good for his sart numbers, but at the same time besides that he gains NOTHING from my cycle, well no compensation, so I wonder if he will truly do his all to get us to our goal. I am remaining positive though, because at the end of the day I can "choose" to think positive and do what I can for my self...

On the weight front, it took me 4 weeks to loose 7 pounds,  I am borderline pissed off I run every day utilizing the couch to 5k. It is awesome if you are a beginner as I am, I love the way I fee after. While the scale is hardly moving, I feel lighter and my clothes are looser so that is my motivation....Since it seems I am in full swing I should be blogging more....lets see what tommorrow brings...lets see what this whole cycle brings.