On me and DH's 10 year anniversary, I received the news that in one week my HCG BETA only went from 204 to 520 and I am devastated. I cannot get into my feelings right now but I will later on, my way of healing is pushing it all away for now and being prayerful and thankful. I am in Limbo because I was advised to continue on meds which I did not want to and honestly I didnt really take the pills and then I had to do another Beta this morning which brought tears to my eyes. I may not even answer the phone when called with the results. I am choosing to not answer the phone because I did when I got the news last week and it is hard to deal with while working. I will come back to document the events in more detail but for now, I just wanted to add the serenity prayer. I choose to walk out the journey the Lord has for me…and while I may not understand the why’s, I remember that I am loved by a Father who would stop at nothing to prove just how much. Living by love requires constant choices on my part to live that way, to trust that way, to understand that I am not and will never be abandoned. But my humanness reverts easily to feel brokem when the circumstances around me hurt.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
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