The Clinic

Pic from here

I am forever grateful to God for our miracle & the assistance of the staff at CNY Infertility.-Albany. It was such a spa like experience.

My advice to anyone on this journey please "Do Not" base choosing  a clinic for IVF or any fertility treatment on just popularity. Please do your research & if they offer free consultations then go for it.Find out about their pregnancy rates & if they do patient batching, etc. Another important factor for me was finding groups of women that were presently cycling or had experience at the clinic I wanted to cycle with. My journey has been private for the most part so I was lucky enough to find a few on Facebook that had private & secret groups.

CNY is a great clinic & an affordable choice at $3,900 per cycle which includes ( ICSI & Assisted Hatching). Well this was the price I paid spring of 2017, it may have changed. They also offer in house financing with No Credit Check. I didn't use it but I think that alone is a great selling point for lots of women.

• ICSI is Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection is a specialized form of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) that is used for the treatment of severe cases of male-factor infertility. ICSI involves the injection of a single sperm directly into a mature egg.
• Assisted hatching is a newer lab technique that was developed when fertility experts observed that embryos with a thin zona pellucida had a higher rate of implantation during IVF. With assisted hatching, an embryologist uses micromanipulation under a microscope to create a small hole in the zona pellucida.

They offer top of the line service, labs  & while it has low outdated SART scores, they actually have high pregnancy rates. I know this because of the Facebook group of women that cycle there and just about daily we have several pregnancy announcements. Anywhere from the 20 something to the late 40 something. Luckily I found out through these women that the scores are low because they do not turn anyone away but it would not have deterred my mind anyway, I was ready to try again. 

Ultimately no matter your issue, or age ( OK not sure of the cut off but 50 yr olds are cycling) if you are willing to try they are willing to help and give you realistic expectations. I called CNY when I was just a month shy of my  at 37th b-day and was told my chances were 30%. I rolled the dices and I am glad that I did since we were successful on only 1 shot with 4 embryos frozen and waiting if we decide to try again.

If you look back at my posts from 2011-2012 I did mini IVF with a highly ranked clinic, I was younger and while I did get pregnant, I had no embryos to try again. I think it was due to the medicine I was taking but who knows. The second clinic I cycled I had plenty eggs and lots of blasts but told they were not of good quality to freeze and that cycle I did not even get pregnant. I am sure my hormones were too high for transfer but they did anyway. They retrieved 29 eggs & I couldn't believe ( I still do not) that there were none to freeze. It was a free cycle that I won there and I honestly think they discarded them but I digress.

I understand the desperation with wanting to try IVF to have just 1 shot of conceiving, I know this all too well. Thinking that a higher ranked SART clinic has got to the be the better choice but it is often not so at all.

My IVF journey started in 2011 and here we are 7 years later with a 12 week old. So much time has gone by, it makes me sad to think of the what if's. But it also make me think of the women that are still waiting and have waited much longer. I hope everyone is successful.

Just another note- High score based clinics such as the big name in Colorado ( you know the one) have very strict guidelines for IVF, they do not accept difficult cases which would explain the high ranking. Also, they are over priced and I have seen many bad review so again do not choose a clinic based on popularity. I just wanted to give someone hope with this choppy blog post. I hope it was at least somewhat insightful for the reader that may have to undergo IVF, the reader that needs treatment and think they cannot afford it, and perhaps the reader that is just about to start the journey.

Work After Maternity Leave-Separation Anxiety

Where the heck did the time go?

I have not blogged in so many months and I have so much catching up to do here.

Yesterday was my 1^st Day back to work and today my daughter is 12 weeks old. It is incredibly; gut wrenching hard to leave my daughter for work. On one hand it is nice to get back in the swing of working and make some income albeit it won’t be much, but on the other hand I hate to leave my sweet baby. It took us over 12 years to get her here and I am so happy she is finally here. I cried a few days ago like a big baby, then again 2 days before and then last night I held her so close. 

Returning to work for me is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life besides having to deal with my Dad's death my freshman year in college. In my opinion, it is especially so because of the means by which she was conceived, which is through IVF.  

Hubby depleted savings for us to have a chance & we did 1 cycle and thankfully it worked. The down side to all this is due to depleting the savings, there was nothing left for me while being out ( my company benefits suck and do not pay for maternity leave) & also for me to be out for an extended period for her 1st year. My heart aches but I must push on or find a solution that will work out for my family.

I think of the milestones I may miss, first walk, first word, & all the other firsts which make me feel guilty and sad all over again. It hits her daddy just as hard because he feels really bad he is not in a position to make this better for us both. The reality is we are closer to the lower end of middle income and we cannot afford for me not to work.  My student loan is higher than my paycheck and I am also repaying that as well. Quite frankly I would rather not stay home without any income to place more of a financial burden on my husband, why can't we win the lottery?

Even though I barely make much, I still feel it is still me doing my part & covering my share of the expenses. Things would be a lot better if I liked my job. I don’t hate it per se, but I definitely need more growth & better benefits. I do however like the people I work with and so far they have all been so supportive and check on me throughout the day. Let me just say this though, constantly being asked if I am ok will drive me nuts soon.

I am going to put up the birth story in another day or so before all thought and memory are gone. What a journey this has been, I am thankful for the happy ending.

35 & 36 Weeks, FMLA Signed

Written 1/12/2018

Looks like I am behind and did not get a chance to catch up on the 35th week.
The good news while we have a slow start we have started to get the nursery sorted out.

Today I am 36w4d and found out 3 days ago at my Prenatal/NST appointment that I am 1 cm dilated and her head is down. My tummy hasn't dropped yet though so not sure & not worried. This week brought more of the same, lots of Braxton Hicks, some round ligament pain, cramping, and some nerve pain in my lower back. <– Not fun! I grunt & groan when I try to turn over and thankfully sometimes hubby is awake to help me because it is hard to move.  still can’t believe that in just a few weeks we’ll be adding a permanent new member to the family. This year has been surreal, and I still haven’t wrapped my head around what’s about to happen! I imagine I won’t truly comprehend it until I’m holding her. Or when we go home and it’s just us, ha!

The room is painted, the crib is all set, the hospital bag is packed but needs a few more things and I have some appointments coming up.

On another note- I am training my replacement for maternity leave and he is sick. It is hard not to be around him but I am starting to feel sniffly because he has to sit next to me and use my keyboard. I am taking vitamin C, drinking orange juice and cleaning my hands as often as possible. Work is starting to piss me off, or rather being here is getting more stressful. I am actually thinking about telling them I will be leaving in 2 weeks, unless I go before then.

As for return, I am seriously contemplating NOT returning. I am not so sure I will want to deal with the stresses as a new mom and then this job. I have a lot to think about because financially I have to work. FMLA is signed and the doctor put from 6-12 weeks. I have to give updates at 6 weeks, then 8, then 10 I believe in order to keep my job.

5-6 weeks to D Day

Wrote on 12/29/2017

 



My NST appointments are starting to become Labor and Delivery visits.
I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago for 3 hours and then this Tuesday for another 3 1/2.

When I arrived I expected it to be a routine NST monitor and that I’d be in and out of the office in an hour. Well, I ended up being sent to Labor and Delivery for the 2nd time in 2 weeks.
1st time at 32 weeks they said the baby's heart rate dropped while on the monitor so I sent to the hospital for more NST monitoring and an ultrasound & they also hooked me up to the IV which hurt like damn hell. All was well thankfully.
This past Tuesday I was also sent over  because I was having contractions.....well I am having Braxton Hicks so it doesn't seem so odd. Both times while at the hospital absolutely nothing is happening, all is quiet.
So far I have been 1 out of 2 times per week and it is starting to get old.
I understand they are going on the side of precaution but the hospital bills will be ridiculous.

I am going in a few minutes to my second NST for this week and just unsure of the outcome. I have been drinking so much water to ensure it is not due to that why I am having the contractions. I plan to sip water while on the monitors too, the hospital had me do this on Tuesday. My lower back at the moment is killing me...ouch.

Update- The second NST went well and no issues or trip to L&D thank goodness.

 

 

33 weeks

 

I had my 33 week check up yesterday and my regular high risk doctor is on vacation. Her replacement was quite clinical and I didn't really like him but he did tell me he thinks my blood sugars are fine, despite my fasting levels are always 2-4 points over the normal. I asked what is the delivery plan for Gestational Diabetes most people are induced at 38-39 weeks and he said no just flat no there is no plan. I  definitely cannot wait to see the regular MFM at 37 weeks which to me is way too far out but then again I did say I am not in love with this practice so whatever.

And now, as I look down at my ever-growing baby bump, I can no longer see my toes. Yep. Gone. I also have a whole slew of uncomfortable symptoms that have decided to both pop up and stick around, but a lot of great things are going on too, so while a lot of things feel TERRIBLE… it’s all so worth it.

How big is baby? At 33 weeks baby is about the size of a pineapple.This week Baby weighs a little over 4 pounds, since I did an ultrasound with my appointment per the tech baby is 4 pounds 10 ounces. She is in the head-down position and may descend into my pelvis at any time in the next six weeks and begin to press into your cervix. Funny, I thought she was already pressuring down there.

What's up with me- Gained 12 pounds so far this pregnancy, having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions but I think I need to drink more water. Shortness of breath & definitely pregnancy brain.

Sleeping on my side! Side sleeping is my nemesis. I hate it with a passion so much that I find myself dreading going to bed at night. Gone are the nights of getting a goodnight sleep– I guess this is prepping me for the after-birth, right?

32 Weeks today

I am getting really uncomfortable, sleep is getting difficult and heartburn is only getting worse each day. She has been quite the mover this weekend mostly when I am trying to sleep. Even through all the discomfort I wouldn't trade it for the world. I will admit, pregnancy is not easy, my hat is off to the moms that are pregnant with multiples. My prayers also go out to the ladies that are still waiting...while my journey is not over until I have safely delivered and I have my baby in my arms, I still think about those still waiting to see those 2 lines.

 

 

 Baby Specs

 

By now, your  baby weighs 3 3/4 pounds (about the size of a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. She'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth. To accommodate your and your baby's growing needs, your blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since you got pregnant. And with your uterus pushing up near your diaphragm and crowding your stomach, the consequences may be  shortness of breath and heartburn.

 

 

We hit the 30's

 

31 Week STATS

Your baby is about the size of a coconut, and she will now gain as much as a half pound per week until she's born.

Baby's Length: 16.18in.

Baby's Weight: 3.31lb

 

At 31 weeks pregnant, development of your baby’s major organs and body parts is largely complete, and she'll gain weight rapidly during the final leg of your pregnancy. This week, your baby weighs about 3.3 pounds and is between 16 and 17 inches long. Her taste buds have started to develop, and her eyes are open. You may start experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions, which are practice contractions that help prepare for labor.

 

I saw the Nutritionist a day before thanksgiving and I now am using a glucose monitor to check blood sugars 4 times per day. YAY me...rolls eyes. I am doing ok with eating but my fasting tends to still be slightly elevated. I got to see the little one and as always she did not cooperate which brings me to present. I did an elective ultrasound on 11/30/2017 and guess what.....she still did not cooperate. I absolutely give up, the kid will not show her face. I was told though that she was estimated at 3 pounds 10 ounces.

I did the hospital tour on 11/28 and I was completely underwhelmed. It doesn't help that the hospital does not have great reviews but as my husband said, "you are going to have a baby and then leave not live there". The plus to this hospital is that they have a level III NICU, which I hope we don't need.

My OB appointments are now every 2 weeks and I start NST's ( Non Stress Test) bi weekly next week.

It’s strange to think that in no more than 8-10 weeks I’m going to be writing with a newborn. As I’ve been writing, our little one has been squirming and punching me internally, a not-so-gentle reminder that baby is getting ready for the world. Maybe some of the strangeness of all of this will dampen after we actually set up the area for the baby. We live in a tiny condo so no nursery unfortunately. Gifts are still coming in and we are so incredibly blessed. I am pretty sure we won't need to buy diapers for the first 2-3 months or even more.

Cravings/Aversions: Nope. I’m perhaps pregnancy’s most boring craving/aversion person.

29 Weeks

At 29 weeks, baby is the size of an acorn squash. Your 29 weeks baby already measures about 15.2 inches long. And he or she weighs about 2.5 pounds, but still has a way to go—can you believe baby will triple in weight before birth?

Though she's getting pretty close to her birth length, she still has to chub out a bit. In fact, over the next 11 weeks, she'll more than double — or even come close to tripling — her weight. As more fat is deposited under the skin surface, her wrinkled skin is smoothing out. This white fat, as it's called, is different from the earlier brown fat your developing fetus accumulated. Brown fat is necessary for body temperature regulation, while white fat (the same kind you have, Mom) actually serves as an energy source.

Counting Baby's Kicks

Since space in your baby's living quarters is now at a premium, you'll be feeling jabs and pokes from elbows and knees, mostly. And they'll be more vigorous (and also less erratic) than before because your baby is stronger and excitedly responding to all sorts of stimuli — movement, sounds, light and that candy bar you ate half an hour ago. That means now's a good time to start doing a kick count twice a day to make sure baby's doing just fine (plus, it's a good excuse for a rest).

 

 

I failed........

Well just as the title states I failed the dang glucose test.
I took the test on 11/13th @ exactly 28 weeks and found out I failed on 11/15th.

I am not sure about the specifics but I see the MFM doctor tomorrow and see the nutritionist the very next day ugghhh. The irony is I bought a Gestational Diabetes book for a $1.00 some weeks back so I guess I subconsciously knew this was coming.  The nurse called and told me that I needed to cut out all sugars. I am ball of  worry, guilt, & sadness but from this I guess on the plus side it is a good incentive to eat healthier & try to get more physical activity during my pregnancy or the rest of it for that matter.

My baby shower was this past Saturday & I have mixed feelings about it. It was chaotic, crazy, late and everything that could go wrong did like a wedding but at the same time it was beautiful and I finally had a chance to have a shower. I will add photos once they are sent to me.

Time Does Not Stand Still

Hello World,
Today I am 27weeks and 4 days. We have showers upcoming, glucose tests, and doctor visits oh my!!

Let's see where did I leave off?

I had my elective rescan of my little one on 10/27/2017 and it did not go much better, she is not cooperative. I did receive 1 photo and a CD that was basically a waste since you cannot make out any details. Sigh she is just not a fan of scans I guess. I have the glucose test coming up in a few days and then the following week I see the MFM and the OB a day apart.....oh joy. I love the MFM visits so I can see my girl but the OB visits to me are a waste of time....I am literally there waiting for 30-40 minutes for a 5 minute appointment that is not really all that helpful or informative.

So I went to HR somewhere in the Interim and was advised they ONLY offer 6 weeks for natural birth & 6- 8 weeks for C-section recovery despite that it is Federal Law to go up to 12. They said I will need a doctors note to extend beyond the time they allot. I was incredibly pissed off at first but then realized that I am sure the doctor will respect my wishes and even if they do not I am not returning to work prior to when "I want to". I hate the maternity leave system in the US and especially hate that companies think they can dictate when a mother "should" be ready to return to work. We are not rich and as a matter of fact because of all the expenses to get pregnant we did deplete our savings but we trust that God will see us through this next chapter in our lives. I have been such a dedicated employee for 4 1/2 yrs. I thought for sure it would not be an issue but I see now that I am just a worker at the end of the day none of that matter. My direct supervisor said she will work with me, but we shall see. I have seen so many women get terminated because of this. Ok vent over on that matter.

Kicks a plenty have been happening lately and I am feeling her more now which is awesome This is exciting because now I am not panicking as much. 2 days ago I was laying on my right side......and my hand was resting on my tummy, I guess she was not liking it and gave one heck of a kick. I responded by smiling but reminding her while she lives with me now, she will have to respect this is my body and I can rest my hand where I choose.

All of this is so surreal, we have been waiting for so long, I have been so nervous for so long and the reality has been setting in that I am going to have a baby. Wow. As for me, I feel TIRED, throwing up again, still have no energy to go walking like I wanted to. I cannot hide being pregnant anymore but believe it or not many of my coworkers still do not know and I still do not plan to announce. They will see soon enough. Come on thanksgiving break so I can get a longer weekend of rest. My baby shower will be in a week and I am HAPPY my best friends asked me to do it sooner. I cannot imagine doing this much later on.

27 weeks specs.

This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (about the size of a head of  cauliflower and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning – with a lot of medical help–if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

Holy Crap What was that.......

I am officially 25 weeks pregnant and  I look like it! I am realizing that we have only a few months left until the baby comes. We’ve still got to  order the furniture, tour the hospital where she will be born, wash and put away all the baby clothes we’ve got for her, and finally, set up area in our bedroom. We live in a small condo for now so no nursery until we move.

Let's start with my appointment yesterday this is with the regular OB and they checked my fetal tones and everything was fine heart beating away at 161 bpm...... On my way home I stopped at Walmart for some essentials and decided to try the deli for the prepared wings..... HOLY CRAP.

While it tasted ok......apparently it was not received well. I had a splitting headache, no exaggeration splitting, mind numbing I wanted to cry headache. Immediately after that I was throwing up and felt pains in my stomach. I was so scared. I drank water and took a nap which helped a little but I didn't feel better until today. NEVER.AGAIN.

Pregnancy Side Effects:

• Heartburn – Whether it’s water, plain toast, or a few pickles I get nasty heartburn that just doesn’t quit. Good thing there’s calcium in Tums because I’m popping those things like chalky little candies.
• Exhaustion – I seem to be giving all my energy to the baby right now because when my eyes are open, all they want to do is close.
• Joint pains- where is all this coming from.....my knees hurt and back. Starting today I am going to take a stroll in the evenings to get more activity in. I have been doing kegel exercises though.

Currently Craving: Still nothing.....I have the urge to eat nothing really. I basically wing it, it is either received well....or not. The thing I have not been getting are lots of fruit and veggies, this kid is a junk foodie. I don't know why but it will NOT be that way when she is here. It is a challenge to drink even water but I make myself gulp it anyway.

Feelings:

Feeling worried! I put together our registry & realized just how much we need to do before our little bambino arrives…and it’s a lot. We still need to get furniture ( well a bassinet & mini crib), set up and organize her things, wash the tiny baby clothes we’ve got so far, purchase various baby gear.

Thankfully we will be having a baby shower, to offset the cost of a newborn & some of the things we need. I am not looking forward to this 2 1/2 hour party to be stared at  & to be the center of attention and asked to open gifts. Fingers crossed I handle it well when the day comes.

YAY to being 25 week !!