Better at reading than posting....

The title says it all. I have been reading an average of about 3 or more IVF blog stories on a day to day basis from the stirrup queens blogroll, check it out so many emotional struggles and upligting blogs. It is very enlightening, empowering, and gives you lots of hope for your own journey. Go here Stirrup Queens Blogroll  I guess until I start cycling everything is uneventful at the moment. I know I should definitely get back to blogging so I can remember this journey with respect to documenting my own feelings.

RE UPDATE ( roll eyes)
So we finally had our followup with our RE on 6/19 about the IVF cycle.
I have to be honest if this cycle was not free due to us winning the raffle then I am not so sure I would use this doctor. My DH is a little more forgiving but I cannot help but feel that.....he does not take the time to review the records BEFORE meeting with his patients and that he comes off quite distant...or removed..?

So we walk in and he introduces himself as if this was our first meeting... (thinking)uhhmmmm you were in my wooo haaa 2 weeks prior and said you needed to do a Saline Sonogram....this is a follow up appointment buddy not to mention we did this whole speil a month prior don't you review your notes?)...Ok so perhaps I was being anal but I just didn't like that, or that this is the second consultation and both times he told us to wait while he finished taking notes about the prior patients.......alrighty then...or throughout the consult he kept referring to me as "maam" ( I suppose my name was not on any of the stack of files in front of him). I HATED that the most, it was so cold, so unattacted to address me that way.
The meat of the appointment is him telling me that everything from our records were fine Woo Hoo ( by the way he was trying to read the notes while speaking with us)....Ok I glanced over at DH and took a deep breath and then he got to the "BUT" word and he said well one of the criterias for the free IVF raffle is that you have to have healthy tubes and since you have hydros in both we will need to do a laproscopic surgery to remove....I was a little pissed off, not that I do not want to do everything in my power to make it a favorable home for my emby but he HAD all this information in front of him prior, and there is NO WHERE it is listed about any criterias such as that, there is only 1 and it states that you cycle within 60 days of winning the raffle that is all.
I listened intently as he went on to say that it was likely the fluid leaking to my uterus that caused my prior miscarriage....again I was pissed. He has NO evidence of that. As a matter of fact, he first "thought" ( because apparently he cannot read) that there was no implantation at all, he even said ( which is laughable considering the way is) that being a trial patient meant that I did not get personalized care. After I let him go on and make a fool of his self, I pointed out that actually NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...it did implant and was deemed a blighted ovum...I also asked isn't it a fact that people without tubal issues ALSO have oblighted ovums. He then went on to show me the pictures of a healthy tube and a hydro tube..I closed my eyes and said a prayer so I wouldn't come off as smart ass.... ( maybe it wasn't him...could be the memory of it all :-( )  HELLOOOOOOOO genius...I TOLD you about the hyrdos, I told you about doing a lap in 2005, I also provided you with records. I am well aware of these pictures and don't want to see them. This went on for what felt like forever but was probably 20 minutes tops, honestly I am done talking about it for now. At the end of the day he wants to do the Lap to remove the tubes prior to IVF but what I am uneasy about and a little put off is he wanted to now do a Hysteroscopy as well, at the same time....why? You just did a saline sonogram and said my uterus looks beautiful. In one thought I just feel he is reaching and the other perhaps he wants to make sure this cycle is successful. As it stands he has a 50/50 chance for someone within my age range.  This journey is full of ups and downs and I have to accept this as a strange turn. Let me just add too that while I did not get individualized service at NH, it was impeccable service while cycline there. I have no complaints. If I could have afforded it, I would be cycling with them as a paying patient right now. I would say about 8 out of the 10 of the girls I cycled with got pregnant and they have their take home babies so hey go figure.

I know how it sounds after reading this post...why would you use him with such distrust?
Well I am also a religious woman... ( one that occassionly curses out loud, get mad, and loose my way but God has forgiven me ). I do believe that it was fate that caused us to consult with this doctor, get into the raffle and ultimately winning. I do believe that God lead us to him so I will have faith in his medical capabilities but will still be my own advocate. I hope and pray with all my heart that we will have a successful cycle and have our take home baby/babies.

On the brighter note ALL is well with me and DH's tests beyond me having to remove my busted tubes. I do not want to remove them, I would rather them being suctured back or snipped off so I can keep em ( i guess am attached)....to have them completely removed would just make IVF our ONLY option ever to get pregnant. I am not naive I know that our chances are slim to none with hydros in place ( by the way neither of the Ultrasound techs saw swollen tubes on the ultrasounds ...not even the RE so in my opinion leave em....but I am not a doctor and will have to learn to let them go)...but slim is better than absolutely none. DH is ready to say goodbye to them though...( if we have to that is). LOL he is ready to be a daddy and he said have faith baby, this will work. So right now waiting on AF, the plan is to do the Lap on 7/2 so as I told them A/F should be here by 6/25, heres to A/F showing up on time. Per the RE 6 weeks after the lap we move right into the cycle. So now I wait for the follow up from the clinic and A/F to start