The U/S tech wanted to see the embie's heartbeat, she took her time too to make sure, and passed over that sac several times but it was not meant to be...The doctor seemed just as disturbed and he kept asking me if I will be okay. I will be okay, this is TOUGH but it is a part of life....what can I do now but to pick the pieces up and move on. Because I had that yolk sac last week they cannot call this a blighted ovum, my ovaries are clear so NOT ectopic, so I suppose this is the dreaded M word. I think it was a missed miscarriage and my body still hasnt realized it yet. I still have no cramps and no bleeding just the brown spotting. The doctor said he will have a nurse call me in a few days to schedule the D&C but he said I may pass it on my own. While I fear the procedure I DO NOT want to pass anything or see anything. I will be going away this weekend with DH and my friends (they have no clue what I am dealing with). In time I will share with my close friends what I went through, in time I will let them know of this pain I kept to myself. At first I know they will be angry but because they know I am private they will understand. The doctor suggested adoption, while I am thinking the same this is 1 IVF cycle, my first pregnancy and miscarriage so I am not giving up just that quick. Time will reveal our next step, and how we will accomplish our goal even if it means we may have to finance the next cycle.
So now here I sit with this empty sac of what was but what will never be....Lord God thank you for taking me on this journey that some may never experience. For now my heart is heavy with sadness but it wont be for long, my arms will have a child of my own very soon. I just know it. I am grateful for life and while this is the end of this chapter for now, the book is still being written of my life.
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