Adoption.......too much too soon

Me and DH went to a baby shower yesterday. It was for his bestfriend's sister. She adopted an infant and the baby was this tiny adorable 7 week old little darling, plus there was a friend that was 9 months pregnant. I was doing okay considering and was having a good time....truth be told a little anxiety was there but not much.

Anyway the shower honoree said to me "Are you ready?" and I smiled and she probed again and I said that when God blesses us then we are ( keep in mind NOBODY knows that we are dealing with infertility or that I am sitting there 8 weeks pregnant or should be with an empty sac).....long story short the honoree tells the social worker ( who was at the festivities as well) I want you to help her as well. I was so shocked that I didnt say anything. Inside I was thrilled that I would deal with someone so closely and could probably have our adopted baby soon, this is all too soon.

Later I was discussing with DH and he shot it down, ???? HUH??? didn't you say you wanted to adopt, he said this baby is from a young pregnant teen and he didnt want to deal with her wanting her child later on. DH said he doesnt want to give up trying for his own bilogical child first and then we can pursue adoption.

I WANTED to scream, hello it has been 7 years of trying, 7 years of unprotected sex with my clogged tubes, we are in no financial position to do IVF right now and in 9 months we would have a baby, and he wants to wait. I didn't scream or push, but rather I respect his feelings We can of course finance and put our selves in debt but I seriously am not sure I want to do that. I want a baby and at any cost but we are already over extended...if we extend just to have the baby, HOW will we afford the baby? This is all so hard, tuesday just get here so I can get over this and move on to the next step.