Christmas is in the Air

It's beginning to look at lot like Christmas........

Geez I keep neglecting this blog and it is supposed to be where I document things as they happen.
I will make this short and sweet with a quick update.

My daughter is a 10 1/2 months old...... standing and made her first step yesterday. She is also crawling and reaching for cords, clapping, waving, saying NO, maaaaaaa, dada. Hates diaper changes, getting in the car seat, & being changed. She also is disliking her pack and play to sleep so we are thinking of a wider option. The girl rolls and rolls in her sleep.  She also likes to grab mom's food or come over and stare until I share. It's such a joy to have her. I am so very thankful she is here and the cycle worked..

 We spent thanksgiving travelling to family in South Carolina and it went well. Tragedy struck the day after and the last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind. My very close friend lost her little brother on black Friday. I can't get into, it is too emotional for me because he was like a brother to me as well.

Overall life is going great, the holiday is upon us and we are trucking along.....barely.

9 Months Already

 

My daughter turned 9 months on 10/30th. She is officially  the same age out as she was that I carried her. Her last appointment was on 10/24th. Me and her dad do not celebrate Halloween so she won't dress up.

• Weight: 19 pounds, 8 ounces
• Height: 29 1/2 inches (85th percentile)

I am concerned about her weight, It has been so difficult with getting her to eat solid foods.  The doctor said that as babies learn to move on their own, and work so hard at it, they burn more calories, and their weight gain can slow down. Despite that I am not comfortable with her weight so I upped her cereal intake at night and have been trying to add bananas. I would prefer her to gain as much as she can especially through the flu season.

She is so "talkative"., I mean when she wakes at 5:00 a, she is chatting away. She has been saying "mama", "dada" and is making lots of other sounds.  She also squeals and screams.  She is a happy baby!  She loves attention and will give smiles so freely.  She loves it when people talk to her. 

My girl  is full of energy!!!  She is getting around on the bed with her own critical thinking and throwing herself at items out of reach mainly the remote.  She gets up on her hands and knees and rocks, but goes back down.  She can stand with assistance but no steps...

At the moment mommy is starting the beginning phases of her 1st Birthday Party Planning....Can you believe it? Wow.

While we do not celebrate Halloween and she will not dress up, here are a few dressed babies I thought were too cute not to post. I got the images from Carter & Macys. I have no rights to them and I am just reposting with links.

Carters Website

Cute Babies

A Year Ago

 

 

 

...... I was 25 weeks pregnant.

Geez that old cliché the difference a year will make is so true.

 

I am so thankful to God and CNY Albany. Thankfully, the pain of infertility doesn’t reign any longer

 

https://journeytobabymaking.blogspot.com/2017/10/

Traveling With an 8 Month old

We travelled to Raleigh NC alone and things were not too bad. We stayed downtown and it was amazing. The weather was great and the  museums were actually really awesome.
Raleigh is an interesting bustling little city with lots of history.
This was a trip with friends to see a friend. It was by chance we even stayed in a hotel because she offered her home. We didn't want to impose and decided since we got such a great deal on the hotel why not.
We enjoyed breakfast at The Mecca and Lunch/Brunch at Beasley's Chicken & Honey and of course we dined at Rye Bar and Southern Kitchen in the hotel which was the Marriott City Center.


Pics from Beasley's Chicken
 

Let me try to summarize some tips for travel that worked for us.

Booking the trip- I chose JetBlue for a few reasons. Roomy seats ( I am tall) so this was a big deal, complimentary boarding for parents, complimentary snacks and a screen to keep her occupied.
Side Note-We will be flying again for thanksgiving on Allegiant Airlines. I am NOT excited about it but oh well let's see what happens. We only chose them due to pricing. I had to pay for priority boarding just so we can go on sooner with an infant. I had to also pay for roomier seats which sucked as well since we are both tall. I already dread flying without any entertainment for her but I will have to think of something or bring my tablet or another game I can silence.

Airport/TSA- plan extra time for TSA. I travelled on a Thursday afternoon and it was crowded. TSA opened and checked every carton of her milk. I checked a bag but for the carry on I brought ready to feed formula which made life so much easier for pouring and serving. My advice - " Ready to Feed Formula"

Stroller/Carrier/Carryon Backpack/ Ear Covers/Travel Bottle- The  day before travel I was lucky to score a used ergo classic baby carrier. So it was me trying to maneuver the stroller with a squirming baby in the ergo carrier for boarding. It was almost hilarious but really it was tiring. The kind gate agent  moved us up to the an empty second row so we were alone and boy did she babble and babble until she finally fell asleep. My sweet girl did not seem to be bothered by the flight or ear popping but I had ear covers.

She was not a fan of the travel bottle and we lost  it in the rental car somewhere. I am loving the travel stroller purchased. It was fairly inexpensive, light weight, easy to fold down, extensive cover for protection and it has 3 positions including, forward or rear facing, it can fit the car seat. It's perfect and inexpensive.

On the flight back she was a lot more excitable and whiny. Am not sure if it was sleep position, teething, or just hating to sleep on mom's lap but it took much longer to settle her down. Mom was just as tired an cranky and we had a really early flight ( 7am)...this was not smart but the only non stop out.
I did have a slight issue with the return gate agent. I had and paid for a seat up front but decided against it and asked for an empty row in the back if available and the agent gave me a lecture that parents didn't automatically get free seats. I had to point out and remind her- I PAID for seats upfront, I am forfeiting that for uncomfortable seats in the back of the plane....what is the issue? I was happy to land, make it home and still have the day to rejuvenate. She slept a lot when we got home, I guess she was worn out from the quick weekend trip. All in all we had a great time and would visit again. Mom is not a pro at travelling but I know in future that I may take a boppy for her to lay her whole body cross


Travel Stroller


 Travel Bottle (purchased from Buy Buy Baby but Amazon has them as well)


 Ergobaby 3 Position
 Baby Carry On Bag Backpack

  Baby Ear Covers

8 Months & Counting

8 Months Old & counting

My little darling turned 8 months on 9/30/2018 and I have been forgetting to take the pics of her  milestones. :-) Much like I did when I was pregnant and did not do the weekly pics. 

So much as been happening like we went on our first trip together and it was well kind of a success.

It is entirely too long since I sat down long enough to focus on a blog post. I'm sure my absence hasn't ruined anyone's day, but, since I view this blog as a scrapbook of sorts, I'd like to avoid too may gaps.

Baby
She has a hot and cold relationship with wanting to crawl, it is basically a get on her knees rock and decide against it type of thing. You want to know the odd thing? She loves to pull herself up, on me or in the pack n play. I am not sure she will crawl, perhaps it may be pull up to walk and no crawl but we shall see. She babbles, talks, yells, watch her nursery on TV. Yes I said watch the television. She has limited time at home and it is is all geared towards baby learning. I will gladly refute any comment that says otherwise. Her baby cousin is 5 and watched baby can read for hours....he is not only highly intelligent he is considered "gifted" & is doing exceptionally well in school. At 3 years old he could recite bible verses, readings etc, and makes nothing but high scores in school.  While I agree that not too much screen time, the time spent on screen should be educational which it mostly is in our household. I remember when I visited and he was maybe 9 months in the crib watching the series and I wondered if he was actually learning and time proved yes he was.

At the end of the day we as parents have to do what's best for our children.

She is drooling, but she has been drooling for months and I see nothing going on in there.
As for food, she is definitely interested and tries to grab food, she is tasting things here and there but it is my aim to get her to eat more.

Right now I am considering ideas for her 1st birthday party. On one hand I am all ready to do it but on the other I might keep it simple and small.

Seasons changing

 

 

Life for the most part has been great but I have to also be honest there are some tough times in my home. It seems everything and everyone has taken a back seat in my life, not on purpose.

 

My husband and I have mostly good days but occasionally we are finding ourselves arguing over the craziest things. The most troubling thing is that it has led to mention of Divorce. We have been together many years childless and longing and now that we finally have a child & we find ourselves getting angry and saying "divorce", how crazy is that?

 

I am a Christian woman, one that has honestly even put God on the back burner after having the baby. I have had to fall to my knees and just pray about the situation. I will continue to pray without cease until I get more clarity on our situation and perhaps if he agrees to seek marriage counseling.

 

On a much happier note: My sweet girl is 7 months old and is quite the personality. She is babbling, giggling, sitting up for the last 2 months, curious, touching everything, squealing, eating baby food and just such a joy. At her last check up she is meeting and exceeding all milestones.

She hates tummy time which will delay crawling and she loves watching her nursery rhymes which I am finding I need to minimize or cut out all together. I use to read to her a lot but being so busy it has been harder to do so. Last month she got sick twice which sucked. The first time ear infection ( I suspect from the bottle so I changed it). The second time right after getting her vaccinations.

 

**I have my thoughts about her being vaccinated and I will touch on this subject soon**

 

For now life is just like the seasons changing. I am 39, a working mother, but what else....what else.

 

 

 

Life & It's Changes

I started this blog weeks ago and have had it sitting in rough draft ever since.
Motherhood has been quite the journey and I am loving every minute of it.

From baby spit up, to late nights of no sleep ( this is due to me checking if she is breathing, not her being awake), constantly worrying, & of course being a working mom. I look back over some of my old posts and many were not well articulated or grammatically correct but I am ok with that. It's exactly what rambling is, I was not concerned with anything but the matter at hand and banging out my thoughts. It was RAW.

Well here I sit on the other side. A woman with 4 frozen embryos in a cryopreservation tank in an IVF clinic thousands of miles away. It's strange. I'd become so accustomed to blog about wanting a baby that I don't know what to write about anymore now that I finally made it across the finish line.

Infertility sucks, plain and simple. I still think about how old my child would have been had I not miscarried in 2012 & then the unsuccessful cycle in 2013 and then of course wasted time for 4 yrs. before trying again.

I am rejoicing in my one perfect child. I am more amazed than ever that she is here. The miracle that she is absolutely takes my breath away. We have lost so many embryos along the way. It's been a long, painful, sad journey. It is over, well sort of & for now anyway. I am lucky mine ended well but I still think about the warriors still fighting. I still visit the Facebook groups and have high and lows right along with them.

Life looks so different to me right now. I find myself moving on and getting things done in a way that I haven't done in many years. It's true that infertility puts your life on hold. I had to move through the entire process and complete my journey in order to move forward, I was stuck and didn't even know it.

 

At the moment I am done. I am at peace. I am moving on. I am going to get busy but I haven't closed the door on more children.

Not my image..

First Days Are Tough

There is so much going on these days like I damaged my hair beyond repair and it fell out in chunks.

It is a scary sight so I will be wearing wigs for the next couple of months until it grows back.

 

Let me get back to the reason for this post.....First Days.

 

I have been back to work a little over a month now and things were going ok, not great but ok.
I work in an office environment doing financial reporting for several clients....it sounds more glamorous than it is and certainly does not pay much.
Anyway, my daughter stayed at home while family members rotated their schedules watching her  during the day while I am at work.
 One of them is unemployed and the other works part time once per week so I thought sweet....no big deal this would be great for both me and my daughter.

 

WRONG. Family will let you down sometimes.

 

 The one that works part time offered to quit her job, and watch my daughter permanently. She also said she would  take her college courses at night to which I promptly declined.
It is not her responsibility to do that.  She is a young woman and I want her to do more & enjoy college life. Anyway, every day I go home on lunch to check on my daughter and things appeared ok.....there were some things I saw and mentioned but overall I figured she was home so all is well.

 How wrong I was. Sadly, it was brought to my attention the other  family member of the 2 did not want to watch my daughter. This hurt me to my core because this very family member I use to baby sit and take care of . The freaking irony of it all.
As a result of this, today is her first day with a sitter.
I  could go in on more details on this subject matter on this blog  but the more I think about it the angrier I get so I decided against it.
 It isn't just about not wanting to watch her that bothers me, it's the fact that it was mentioned behind my back despite me asking for honesty and clarity. No one is obligated and I never let anyone feel that way.
 

Did I mention that I am also paying for them to do this so it was in no way free? It was a serious punch to gut.
 

The sitter will be getting only $15 more than they were getting so I was not taking advantage.

They are in my home, watching TV all day with the AC and I provide food. I am so disappointed because of my giving heart with my family. Lesson learned though and now I move on from it. There are still no hard feelings about it but I just won't ask this person to ever watch her again if I can help it. I would rather call out for the day & risk my job than to deal with this betrayal. It concerns me now that my daughter may not have been getting the care she needs due to this.  The bottom line is she is MY daughter & responsibility so I have to do what I had to in order to change the situation and that's what I did.

 

The change is a sitter that my co-workers used on their children but I did not personally know her until recently. I meant her twice including taking the baby to her on one of the visits. It is really hard to leave your baby with a stranger and I am not doing too well with it at the moment but what else can I do? She seems ok and the baby did not cry so that is at least good news. Currently I am counting down the hours at work until it is time to go see her for lunch and then hubby can pick her up after. Her dad will be doing most of the pick ups' since he is out of work sooner than I am. My heart is breaking.

 

Funny how life will change our priority. Never in a million years would I think I would want to be a stay at home wife and mother but I do. Financially we cannot afford for me not to work so the first thing I plan to do is find a part time job where I can work minimal hours daily. I would like to work from 8 or 9 to 2:30 or 3 and if I can swing it I would like a work from home bookkeeping job or work a few days in a law office. I am now on the hunt for another job. I will miss my co-workers but I know my boss would not work with me on time, she is not the most pleasant to deal with.  My fingers are crossed things will work out and I will find something else soon. I to think long and hard about this...I have been here in 2 months will be 5 years so I have some great bonds here...it will be hard to do but I also know I have to do what's best for me and my family when necessary.

Rambling

There are days that I struggle an identity crisis.

The transitioning from "infertile woman" to "mother-to-be" & now "New Mom" is still all too real and new for me. When I was in the hospital and the nurse referred to me as "MOM" I was completely blank and didn't realize she was speaking to me.

Looking back at the process & that It actually happened. The cycle was successful, and I was pregnant for 39 weeks. HOLY WOW !! ( the exclamations are warranted here)

Me, yes me, I have a child. I am not sure I fit into the world of the "infertile" anymore,  but I certainly do  not  fit into the world of people who conceive easily. I feel guilty especially when I go on into the Facebook groups and still see people waiting, I want them to experience the joy I am now.  Literally hundreds of women are going this daily, why is this such a norm in this era.

Lately I have been chubbing up like crazy. I know that it is absolutely ridiculous to gain weight especially since I am flirting with my 40's. It's time to do better. Starting 6/4 I am not only going to change my eating habits I plan to work out twice per day. I have to start incredibly slow because I have lost not just motivation but all muscle tone....it's time to get me back....

Part III - The Finale

**I am going to just summarize this to make it as short & sweet as possible**

So after days of throwing up, seeing many specialists, not being to hold my daughter because I was sick, finally on the 5th day in the hospital they decided they will do surgery and remove my Gall bladder.

I found out in passing from a very sweet but very persistent nurse that surgery was scheduled. She called and called them on my behalf and told them I am in  pain and they need to make a decision. So after 5 days in the hospital, I started to feel slightly better. My friends, sister and hubby's friend came to see the baby and the nurse came in around 5 or 6 pm to tell me she is leaving for the day and that my surgery will be the next day. Wait what? She said "Didn't they call you?"

So surgery was scheduled the next day, just when I was starting to feel better but I decided to do it anyway. So it's Saturday & my daughter was discharged days before ( they allowed her to stay with me), & hubby had to take her to her 1st prenatal appointment alone, without me. I laid in that hospital bed and cried. I walked with him to the elevators and watch him leave with our sweet bundle of joy.
It was so surreal. I am a mother.

The nurse came in and told me to pack up because I would more than likely than return to the post partum room. Eventually they came to get me and I was wheeled away, alone to deal with this.

The operating room had a great team that not only put me at ease but were playing some Latin tunes and I was getting settled. When I woke up I was in excruciating pain............AGAIN, "shit when will this stop."
I was wheeled to another wing of the hospital and in pain. I begged & thankfully finally received pain killers. I wanted to know about my daughter and was told that she was in the NICU under the lights for high jaundice....wait what? Okay at this point I wanted out, pain and all. Hours went by and my family came, also visitors from the church I use to frequent, the pain was still high but started to subside. I have to add during all of this I kept buzzing the nurses asking when I would go home.
After hours of IV & medication for High Blood Pressure, low potassium and iron( this happened last 2 weeks of pregnancy and after delivery) I was given discharged that Sunday 2/4th at 6:00 pm. I was so happy to leave I left in the hospital robes...I did not want to change ( I had showered maybe 2 hours before being told so I was clean and ready to go).

So off  I was to the NICU with hubby in tow, ok I was wheeled and it was humiliating but truth be told I was still weak from surgery the day before not being able to eat....I may have fibbed to the nurse and said I ate more than I did so I could leave. The doctor was right not only was I feeling better I could finally eat something ( I was terrified of food for days even water was the enemy).

Did I mention I did not eat for days and lost perhaps I don't know 25 pounds or more. So anyway I get to the NICU and I just about sprinted to find my baby. When I saw her my heart was just so over joyed...She is ours we get to take her home. She was in a private room since she just needed the lights and was already out just waiting on pick up. After getting some info from NICU we were finally on our way. I sat in the back seat of the car realizing that this is really happening, I was pregnant for 39 weeks, gave birth to my daughter baring all pain & infertility is now behind me. I have a daughter, ME....I crossed over the other side. The true journey will now begin, I have a child.

Lady B's Birth Story Part II

**Let me preface this by saying my ordeal is not quite typical as well as probably the reaction. I was induced while already experiencing pains from  being Food Poisoned after eating Chipotle 2 days prior. In the middle of this my epidural wore off so keep this in mind and if you are pregnant do not be afraid after reading. Also I am trying my best to relive the situation, please forgive any grammatical errors I will try to catch and fix along the way**

Ok so where was I?

Awww yes, so it was time to push and my response was no. How in world was I going to push through this excruciating pain and why do people prefer to do this un-medicated?

Wait, let me rephrase that, "I SALUTE you women that have gone through childbirth without medication." 1 of my superhero's would be my mother that did this 7 freaking times.

I had to do it by default, only due to the medication wearing off and no one listening to me. This is another letter that should be sent to that damn labor ward. I am still angry about it. At one point I really thought my body was against me & that I was going to for sure die because this was more pain than anyone could bare. My husband tried to have me center my thoughts, breathe that Lamaze crap and calm down but that lasted all of a second and then I was back to screaming like a lunatic.

My husband said I used a lot of colorful language he has never heard me use ever before and I cannot remember saying any of it. The pain was so bad I would have literally given away all our countries secrets if I had them. There were a sea of faces around encouraging me to push and I remember one little petite nurse that rolled up a towel and told me when I push to pull against it to help. God bless her I am not sure it helped, what I think really helped was my husband telling me come on baby her heart rate is plummeting. I looked up at that monitor and my baby's heart went from 153 now down to 63 and I pushed with all of my might and then a cone head baby appeared with no sound.
I remember asking what's wrong with my baby, the nurse and doctor did not respond. As I watch them clean her up, I still felt the doctor trying to pull stuff out and I was back to screaming and asking why does this damn hurt why not give me pain killers, it was at this moment I saw a nurse inject something in my IV and the doctor saying " You didn't give that to her before?" and I dozed off knowing that I would never, ever recommend giving birth at this hospital to anyone.

I was in and out of it. I remember seeing hubby holding her and I said "whose baby is that" and fell  asleep only to be woken up by the nurses to stand up and get changed.  Wait what? Let me move along from the labor part because I hated that side and the people, now post partum was great and I loved ALL the nurses.

Ok so I got cleaned up and was being wheeled to my room. I was not in extreme pain but hubby looked so tired. He was holding my leg and encouraging me to push and even got firm with me when I said no.

The post partum room was lovely, complete with a Queen bed for mom and dad to sleep. It was around 4 am in the morning and I was still loopy and don't even remember asking about the baby. I woke up around 6ish and the bassinet was at the foot of my bed and there she was with bright beautiful eyes staring directly at me sleeping. I thought wow, that is my baby, she is mine. I got my phone and recorded her for a minute, took her out and put her to my breast and just bonded quietly and alone for a little while. As I laid her down I felt a wave of nausea and then things took a turn for the worse.

I threw up, and threw up, and threw up and it kept happening. I rang the nurse and they called the doctor. They never stopped the IV but assumed I would have been ok since I hadn't had anything to eat in days. It went on all day ( this was Tuesday) and all through the night, by Wednesday I felt slightly better and asked hubby to help me get up to take a shower and while in there I starting throwing up again and this time blood. We both were too worried that I couldn't stop than to worry about the contents so hubby called in the doctor.

What should have been a time bonding with my baby turned into hours & days of throwing up and seeing just about every specialist in the hospital.....


Part III to follow to wrap this up.