Life & It's Changes

I started this blog weeks ago and have had it sitting in rough draft ever since.
Motherhood has been quite the journey and I am loving every minute of it.

From baby spit up, to late nights of no sleep ( this is due to me checking if she is breathing, not her being awake), constantly worrying, & of course being a working mom. I look back over some of my old posts and many were not well articulated or grammatically correct but I am ok with that. It's exactly what rambling is, I was not concerned with anything but the matter at hand and banging out my thoughts. It was RAW.

Well here I sit on the other side. A woman with 4 frozen embryos in a cryopreservation tank in an IVF clinic thousands of miles away. It's strange. I'd become so accustomed to blog about wanting a baby that I don't know what to write about anymore now that I finally made it across the finish line.

Infertility sucks, plain and simple. I still think about how old my child would have been had I not miscarried in 2012 & then the unsuccessful cycle in 2013 and then of course wasted time for 4 yrs. before trying again.

I am rejoicing in my one perfect child. I am more amazed than ever that she is here. The miracle that she is absolutely takes my breath away. We have lost so many embryos along the way. It's been a long, painful, sad journey. It is over, well sort of & for now anyway. I am lucky mine ended well but I still think about the warriors still fighting. I still visit the Facebook groups and have high and lows right along with them.

Life looks so different to me right now. I find myself moving on and getting things done in a way that I haven't done in many years. It's true that infertility puts your life on hold. I had to move through the entire process and complete my journey in order to move forward, I was stuck and didn't even know it.

 

At the moment I am done. I am at peace. I am moving on. I am going to get busy but I haven't closed the door on more children.

Not my image..