First Days Are Tough

There is so much going on these days like I damaged my hair beyond repair and it fell out in chunks.

It is a scary sight so I will be wearing wigs for the next couple of months until it grows back.

 

Let me get back to the reason for this post.....First Days.

 

I have been back to work a little over a month now and things were going ok, not great but ok.
I work in an office environment doing financial reporting for several clients....it sounds more glamorous than it is and certainly does not pay much.
Anyway, my daughter stayed at home while family members rotated their schedules watching her  during the day while I am at work.
 One of them is unemployed and the other works part time once per week so I thought sweet....no big deal this would be great for both me and my daughter.

 

WRONG. Family will let you down sometimes.

 

 The one that works part time offered to quit her job, and watch my daughter permanently. She also said she would  take her college courses at night to which I promptly declined.
It is not her responsibility to do that.  She is a young woman and I want her to do more & enjoy college life. Anyway, every day I go home on lunch to check on my daughter and things appeared ok.....there were some things I saw and mentioned but overall I figured she was home so all is well.

 How wrong I was. Sadly, it was brought to my attention the other  family member of the 2 did not want to watch my daughter. This hurt me to my core because this very family member I use to baby sit and take care of . The freaking irony of it all.
As a result of this, today is her first day with a sitter.
I  could go in on more details on this subject matter on this blog  but the more I think about it the angrier I get so I decided against it.
 It isn't just about not wanting to watch her that bothers me, it's the fact that it was mentioned behind my back despite me asking for honesty and clarity. No one is obligated and I never let anyone feel that way.
 

Did I mention that I am also paying for them to do this so it was in no way free? It was a serious punch to gut.
 

The sitter will be getting only $15 more than they were getting so I was not taking advantage.

They are in my home, watching TV all day with the AC and I provide food. I am so disappointed because of my giving heart with my family. Lesson learned though and now I move on from it. There are still no hard feelings about it but I just won't ask this person to ever watch her again if I can help it. I would rather call out for the day & risk my job than to deal with this betrayal. It concerns me now that my daughter may not have been getting the care she needs due to this.  The bottom line is she is MY daughter & responsibility so I have to do what I had to in order to change the situation and that's what I did.

 

The change is a sitter that my co-workers used on their children but I did not personally know her until recently. I meant her twice including taking the baby to her on one of the visits. It is really hard to leave your baby with a stranger and I am not doing too well with it at the moment but what else can I do? She seems ok and the baby did not cry so that is at least good news. Currently I am counting down the hours at work until it is time to go see her for lunch and then hubby can pick her up after. Her dad will be doing most of the pick ups' since he is out of work sooner than I am. My heart is breaking.

 

Funny how life will change our priority. Never in a million years would I think I would want to be a stay at home wife and mother but I do. Financially we cannot afford for me not to work so the first thing I plan to do is find a part time job where I can work minimal hours daily. I would like to work from 8 or 9 to 2:30 or 3 and if I can swing it I would like a work from home bookkeeping job or work a few days in a law office. I am now on the hunt for another job. I will miss my co-workers but I know my boss would not work with me on time, she is not the most pleasant to deal with.  My fingers are crossed things will work out and I will find something else soon. I to think long and hard about this...I have been here in 2 months will be 5 years so I have some great bonds here...it will be hard to do but I also know I have to do what's best for me and my family when necessary.