The InBetween

1. situated somewhere between two extremes or recognized categories; intermediate:

   Ex. "I am not unconscious, but in some in-between state"

 

This is how I feel right now.......................IN-BE·TWEEN. Sitting in this space with my anxious heart until we cycle in the next month or maybe 2.

 The nothingness drives me insane I don't do well with the in-between. I am waiting on hearing back from Compassionate Care on if we are approved for any assistance. My Disney wish is  to be approved with a minimum of  50% covered, & for this IVF cycle to begin & end successfully with our healthy baby/babies in our arms.

 

 

 I go between feeling elated and then completely deflated.

Elated because this is another chance, & then deflated because heck we are doing "this" again. *Sigh*

This isn't a fun place but I learn to live in it, and remember this

 “Be still and know that I am God.”

 

My faith has been tested over and over and over and over. I currently feel so out of touch with God, don't worry I won't go into that today. The worse part of the in between for me is  Doing. Absolutely. Nothing. I will continue to use this time taking my supplements and try to get myself completely purged.....just keep food away from me, the flesh is weak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bitching/Ranting I got on the scale & gained 5 pounds this last week. Are you freaking kidding me!! I needed to loose 10 it seems the harder I try the more I fail. W.T.F. I will dust off the treadmill and get walking today. I do the damage, I know what I eat and what I am doing, I have no one to blame.

 

Have you ever seen Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead on Netflix, if not check it out.

 

http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/

 

Clinic Testings & Medicine Discount Program Update

This has been quite the weekend...this post might be slightly long.

Their photo, I didn't take any of my own.

 

I flew up to the clinic for the first time this weekend and I must say I am impressed with the clinic.....not the weather it was freaking freezing I couldn't wait to get back to the warmth of Florida. **Remind me of this when I complain of the humidity in a few months. It gets so darn hot here too.**
The atmosphere was like being in a spa with dim lighting, actual comfortable couches, books & a fireplace. I felt like I was actually at a resort and everyone was so nice and friendly. It didn't feel clinical considering why I am there and why I will return there.
Now more than ever I am confident I made the right decision in choosing this place because of the kind and respectful way I was treated plus the way I felt there, it felt right.

Anyway back to the appointment- I  did my HSG and SIS testing's and the good news is all is clear...YAY tubes are open, no seen polyps or issues. Did you see that folks? MY.TUBES.ARE.OPEN.......albeit clearly not working but open nonetheless. Kudos to the doc on the 2nd Lap done 7/2013. 😍😍

 

* Silently Pondering* -You ( insert expletive) bastard tubes have been open and not yielded me a baby for 3 years ( after last lap surgery)!! Or did it happen because of the crap load of Serrapeptase I took in 2015-early 2016 along with the castor oil massages? Body why have you consistently failed me? Why? Ok am fine now! I am in a good place mentally am ready for this...sort of.

 

 Hysterosalpingography, or HSG, is an X-ray test to outline the internal shape of the uterus and show whether the fallopian tubes are blocked. In HSG, a thin tube is threaded through the vagina and cervix. A substance known as contrast material is injected into the uterus.

Saline infusion sonohysterography (SIS) or saline ultrasound uterine scan is a test where a small volume of saline (salt solution) is inserted into the uterus (or womb). This allows the lining of the uterus (endometrium) to be clearly seen on an ultrasound scan. It is also known as a saline ultrasound uterine scan. SIS helps to see if there is any thickening of the endometrium of the uterus, or if there are polyps. Polyps are small growths of the endometrium. The scan can also be performed in the assessment of post menopausal endometrium or possible Asherman’s Syndrome (a condition caused by the presence of scars in the uterine cavity).

While on this trip I did not get to see any of the city because really it was an in & out situation. In on Friday night & then out Saturday afternoon.

In an effort to document everything as well as if anyone is cycling in Albany this is roughly what I spent. It may be cheaper if you use Airbnb for a room and Lyft or Uber for a ride.

• Accommodations-Travelodge hotel $55 for the 1 night ( 2 star accommodations which is fine for 1 night. I prefer the Marriott or the Hilton but I sensible spending ladies and gents)The location is 10 minutes from the clinic, 9 from the airport and within walking distance of restaurants and the mall is across the street. SCORE !!
• Car Rental-Budget special $16 for the day ( I spent $40 to include all possible effects of loss or damage, no chances since am not use to driving in snow covered roads even though the roads were cleared and the snow was on the side banks)
• Flight- JetBlue $100 ( I called in a Buddy pass favor) I was trying to hold out until Egg Collection or Transfer for the favor but this came up. The doctors locally would not do both the HSG and SIS together or even do the SIS at all. So here we are.
• Co-pay for insurance $50.00-finally they cover something.
• Meals- $20.00-$30.00
• Parking my car at the airport $30.00 ( I was running late so didn't have time to use the $7 parking and parked right at the airport at the terminal when leaving to Albany this would have been 50% cheaper.)

It was not ideal to spend this since I could use this money for meds but the stupid clinics locally gave me a  hard time to do both procedures. Technically this would have been only $50 had they just done the orders, but at the same time I am glad I went and got a even better feel of the place.

I also received a free book while there, SCORE

Medicine Discount Program Update or Lack of- Denied for Compassionate Care reapplication, they are not accepting my w2's for 2016 or at all that I sent to verify income. The next step?  I have to go find 2015 tax records for both myself and hubby, lovely. If I haven't given details on the program before which I believe I did in 2013, I will update later.

 

Stayed across the street from the Colonie Mall

Medication Quote, Baseline & Coincidence

 

The Gonal F, Cetrotide, Menopur and Edometrin were quoted at  $5500 from Freedom. I think my husband swooned ( I had the phone on speaker). Holy crap...that is super duper high considering that was not all the meds listed. I gave them my insurance information praying that some are covered, dare I pray that all of them are covered?  Wishful thinking but I am hopeful for the relief, what are the chances IVF is not covered but the meds are.....slim I tell ya ..really slim.

 

So far I have an offer for donated Estrace from a successful cycle and possibly Gonal-F as well 1 unused pen with 75IU. Also I will order elsewhere if and when necessary which will be in a week or more. I am just waiting to hear back about the HSG and Saline Sonogram to make sure I have the all clear & medication list. My plan is to cycle in March BUT April will do if necessary. I am not rushing to have any regrets or make myself crazy. Another major thing is in an effort to fund the meds I will have to do 1 cycle at a time as opposed to the 2 cycle deal at a time. I will think about this some more before I make the final decision since in the end it would be cheaper to do them both at the same time. *Sigh* * Expletive* *Sigh*

 

On the previous post I mentioned I did baselines on Monday and didn't have much to report except no cysts....and no fluid in my abdomen  but there was more which I noticed today.

So for documentation purposed

Left Ovary 8 to 9 Follies

Right Ovary 10+ Follies

E2 -  31

P4-  .32

LH-  4.9

FSH-  6.9

Lining 10.7 

 

 

 

Coincidence- look where I noted that I went to watch the injection videos here

 

 

Better Late than Never

As the Title States Flow is in the Building.

 

She finally came Late Saturday Night-Saturday afternoon I had my 2nd appointment at the new place for acupuncture. I told her stupid flow is still M.I.A and is holding up progress. Anyway she said let's try to encourage her along. Several needles to the tummy, mixed with a dash of heat, & a few hours later the missing flow appears... YAY.

 

 

Baseline

Yesterday I went to do a baseline ultrasound & blood work.  Initially this was to see where Aunt Flow was but thankfully she came right on time. Can I just say outside monitoring will be a bitch as well as taking time from work? More on work to come. The Doctor's office while kind enough to see me only did so with the impression I was paying cash on the spot. I quickly advised that while I do not have Fertility coverage certainly the insurance will cover blood work and the ultrasound so she had me pay $50 specialist copay for now and a note explaining I may be billed or have a higher bill next time......at the moment I am in Limbo.  I have no idea if I will have to pay for these appointments or if stupid BCBS will pay, yeah just freaking great. For the life of me I am not sure WHY they didn't just check a head of time instead of thinking I would fork over cash because apparently I am made of money. *Sigh* I am really beginning to think the universe is trying to piss me off.

 

On the plus side I was in and out of there in perhaps 20-30 minutes tops and that included blood-work, ultrasound and waiting.  The results were STAT and it was uploaded today to the patient portal. I do have a slight concern ...they were STAT orders and done yesterday why did it take until this morning to see, is this what it will be like while stimming? This is no good for me but not a worry I wish to take on this second, I will ask in person. I won't judge based on this situation, we shall see.

 

I will be in Albany this weekend ( 1 day actually..I called in a Buddy pass favor) for my HSG & Saline Sonogram. The ultrasound tech wouldn't tell me how many antral follicles I had & it is not on the patient portal. What I did see are no cysts....and no fluid in my abdomen which is a SCORE. 

 

Work ( rolls eyes)- I can already foresee this will become an issue. I will likely mention work several times throughout this journey & what is happening along the way with the "boss". Sadly like the rest of the world pedaling through infertility in the low middle class, I do NEED to work. I need my job but  I will not worry about the office politics and their attitudes about me missing days for appointments. Truth is, I am replaceable and while I have a somewhat good relationship with my boss, at the end of the day it is about corporate mission/goals. My own personal family mission is at the forefront right now, it is what it is my friends.

 

CD 47 & counting

 

So it's CD 47 and stupid Aunt Flo is being a total B$#@h.

Of all the times to start acting up it is when I am actually anxious to get this IVF cycle going.

I notified the clinic and they will be sending me orders to get blood work done and an ultrasound.

We shall see what the bloody heck is going on.

 

Also the clinic was so kind as to send me the Compassionate Care Details ( I already planned to apply) to try to get approved. I have my fingers crossed that I will get approved at least 50% but if not then I am going to order abroad which I mentioned before. Every bit helps and I am trying to keep an eye on the cost as much as I can.

 

GRRRRR but on a few positive notes...😍

I did find a new acupuncturist and she was amazing.

I  LOVE her and she has more experience with IVF patients.

She even mentioned that I should try Myo-Inositol.
I have been just about faithfully taking all supplements Vitamin D, Prenatals, Vitamin C, Ubiquinol & Iron.

This is the link to the info I found on MyoInositol
http://www.naturalmedicinejournal.com/journal/2013-08/myo-inositol-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome