Enough Said

5 More Days

Just as the title shows, we have 5 more days to see the RE for the follow up. I moved it up 1 week because I am having insurance issues and would rather be safe than sorry.

There isn't much going on around here, life is less than exciting and summer is "almost drawing" to a close. I am NOT sad to see it go because I am anxious to start.....well I hope I start. Moving up the appointment is risky because AF ( Aunt Flo) is due on the same day but we shall see. I did not go on a diet as I said and did not loose any weight ( not that I was advised to but still ) however I did not gain ( Woo Woo have to get your excitement where you can) any and have been walking here and there again to get some physically activity in.

Disconnect
My life has been so wrapped with nothing but Infertility that I am not sure who I am anymore. I use to really love fashion and now I am not so much interested or even care. I guess all things are not as important when you are trying to grow your own family and it feels like it is out of reach, I have become so introverted and I hate it. Struggling with Infertility in silence is tough but at the same time it is easier for us to deal with it this way, we cannot deal with having others emotionally invested, I cannot deal with feeling like a failure if something were to go wrong. I know that Infertility is a disease but it would be EXHAUSTING to have to explain this to friends and family, and I don't want to, perhaps later but for now no. I know that it may be better to have this out there for more people to know about this epidemic. I am sure they are somewhat aware that we have issues but it is still "grey". I mean one of my closest friends asked me 4 days ago, "So are you guys trying" and I answered not right now WHICH is true....Not right now because I know we are not cycling at the moment but I did feel bad that I couldn't be honest with her. Another friend shared that even though she has 2 children it was due to her love for her husband because she had no plans of EVER having kids..... I was CRUSHED, but it isn't her fault, those are her true feelings. I feel so disconnected from them both because they are parents and I am not.

20 Questions

I got this idea from another blog, sorry I didn't link it and thought it would be a great idea to share a little more about me. Might as well since I am trying to pass the time until I see the RE again.

1.  What was the last thing you threw in the garbage/recycling?-McDonalds Bag ( don't judge me) :-)
2.  What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?-Don't have 1 nor do I want 1.
3.  What is your favorite quote?-If you can’t find the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
4.  What chore do you absolutely hate doing?-ALL of them but dishes is at the top of the list
5.  What is your favorite form of exercise? Walking even though I have been lazy for a month.
6.  What is your favorite time of day/day of the week? Fridays are good.
7.  What is on your bedside table?-A big basket with several bath and body lotions...running out of room
8.  What is your favorite body part?-My eyes, reminds me of my Dad
9.  Would you use the power of invisibility for good or evil? I dunno, give me the power then lets talk.
10.  If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? 21
11.  What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? LONG VACATION then IVF- ( roll eyes) I know, but I absolutely want a baby though so there you have it
12.  What is your biggest pet peeve?-My husbands always mellow attitude, it makes me crazy but at the same time I love it..WHAT? did I confuse you well why yes I am completely crazy at times.
13.  If you could know the answer to any question, what would it be? Why the hell is IVF not covered by my insurance
14.  At what age did you become an adult? 18
15.  Recommend a book, movie, or television show in three sentences or less.-Investigation Discovery, American Dad, and Family Guy. 
16.  What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?
Having a smart mouth.
17.  What was the first album you bought with your own money?
I don’t really remember… I really like listening to the radio instead.
18.  If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title?
Crazy in Heels......
19.  What story do you wish your family would stop telling about you?
My mom telling the one about me being a "lazy" child but ultimately got up one day and walked for food, no indication, no crawling, no cruising just directly to walking to grab her food. I believe her.
20.  True or false: The unicorn is the greatest mythical creature. State your case.
Unicorns?  Really?  I must have missed something here…

Skipping Along Happily,....where the heck is August

There are some challenges that we have been facing together financially but I have not and probably may not elaborate on that coincidentally began since the start of this new journey ARGGHHHH   WTF. In a nutshell sometimes when you have the best laid plans, SH$T   happens and causes so much change. I am nervous about it and as a matter of fact wonder how we will move forward but we will not cancel and as a matter of fact we cannot cancel without forfeiting the cycle therefore we will have to make it happen. With prayer we are sure it will all work out, albeit extremely dififcult but we will make it work....somehow.

After my second Post Op check 8/5, we are hoping that my period at the end of August I should be placed on birth control and it should take off from there into the IVF cycle.
What  am I hoping for?-A successful cycle yielding twins ( I say twins only because of my recent dreams/fantasies,) we will be happy with one healthy baby of our own.

Happy Hump Day and for your viewing pleasure....hmmmm this looks delicious, I love Red Velvet cupcakes and heels what a great marriage done here

Doctor's Report

On 7/9 I received a call from the RE`s office that a new script for antibiotics have been called in my pathology report over all is fine but shows that I have an inflammation. I was confused, asked for more details but nothing, take pills twice a day for 10 days..

ERYTHROMYCIN sucks bad....I have just about all the side effects and worse of it all I have never had this diagnosis which leads me to think something with the SIS I did?.  Anyway it is what it is I will truck along, my next appt is 8/5 and then we go from there.

3 more weeks come on......

ROYAL JELLY

Not sure if any one else is on it, has heard of it or used on their IVF journey but I decided to use it a little over a month ago. ROYAL JELLY AND BEE POLLEN in Honey, along with baby aspirin, prenatals, & folic acid occassionally drinking wheatgrass.

With me everything is usually Gung-Ho, at first and then of course I start slacking, a BAD habit but I do get bored easily with repetition, blah blah. OCD perhaps? Not sure but anyway this is what I started to do and will continue to do...I THINK. Actually let me give you the breakdown.

The middle of May I started on wheatgrass drinks, I blend my own at home after buying my grass from Whole Foods and YES it is very expensive if I keep this as a regular habit. I ran out and I haven't gotten more but I probably will today or tomorrow. If you are interested The Royal Jelly is sold at the Vitamin shop for $20 and lasts for a month, the first three weeks I was taking it like clock work around the last week or so though I did it maybe once a day or when I remembered but at the moment the jar has been empty for a week and I will start again tommorrow and probably until the start of the next IVF cycle or until I offically start with stims-supposedly you should take it ideally for 3 months to see a difference. At my last AFC count around cycle day 12 in June I had about 32 all together with my Left Ovary being the rock star my right apparently is a little lazy.

DO NOT GET ME WRONG- I am not into gimmicks or quick fixes but if you were to read the reviews it is supposed to be good for AFC, and I read a forum where it helped with egg quality and I thought why the heck not. I was never told I had an issue with either but there are some things I did notice from my MINI IVF cycle fall 2011. On that cycle while the average person had about 5 eggs retrieved, we only had 3, but ended up with 1 blast. The other girls in the forum had about 5-6 on average so it had me thinking, perhaps I needed to do all I can wth quantity and quality. I KNOW this may not have been the only contributing factor, I also remember being told my hormones were wacky but I still test normal even with this RE, wacky related to I was shut down too much on birth control pills, I ovulated too soon in my cycle or too late, and also that it took awhile to respond to the low stims and clomid. The Ultrasound tech in FL (at that time)  saw so many small follies that wouldn't go past a certain point with the menopur, but from the beginning that same dominant follie that while it did respond to the low stims still was basically doing what it would of done on its own naturally. By the time I went to NYC for the retrieval it basically was the one that kept on, our little engine that could, that tried, even after weeks of nothing on U/S the week before my D & C is when they finally saw a Yolk Sac...hmmmmm I think there may be something to that Uterine Septate maybe? WHo knows...perhaps I am just being hopeful, perhaps I should stop rambling and get back to Royal Jelly? OK.

Anyway if I haven't bored you to tears, please go to Dr. Google and research IVF & Royal Jelly and draw your own conclusion. If you had or will use it please tell me your experiences. I planned cycle should be starting with my AF (Aunt FLO) coming August, so the sooner the better.

Post Op & Heart Uterus

I am still sore but wanted to document my surgery and post op in the event someone will need the info later on or someone who is on the IVF journey.

7/2-Day of Surgery...we woke up and got ready for the hour drive. I was nervous as expected but did my best to remain as calm and positive as possible..it almost went completely to hell as I walk in the procedure area on the first floor and see a woman recovering, and looked so pale and out of it. YEP there goes my nerves. So they ushered me to the restroom to get changed, get me prepped and on my bed as I await my fate  turn. I see someone being wheeled out from recovery moaning....at that moment I seriously thought of getting dressed and running out of there but instead I prayed and asked God for peace. The Doctor came over, asked if I was ok, told me his plans and I said ok. I didn't whine, didn't tell him don't take my tubes out...nothing I just said okay....you see remember I had prayed for peace and even though I was nervous I was at peace.....hard to explain. ANYWAY:-) the anesthesiologist came in, told me what was to come, pretty soon I went into the procedure room, about almost died from being overwhelmed and then woke up with the tremendous urge to pee and of course being sore and the doctor talking to me while I am trying to come out of it ( my thoughts-why are you talking to me?). So I head home, starving, ate and this is where it went down hill and fast.
I threw up ALL night and then ALL wednesday..DH was so nervous and we contemplated taking me to the hospital.

In the end, the Doc phoned in Zofran for the nausea, and I came around by 4th of July.

7/5-Follow up post op. He removed the foley catherer ( hated that crap) and dropped a bomb on me...
Dr: You had a septate uterus  and I repaired it,
Me: Uhhmm what? What are you talking about
Dr: Well the good news is I did not remove your tubes, I told your husband after your surgery that I did not have to remove your tubes, they were medium damaged so I re-opened them and suctured them back, ( looking at the photos he did a good job).
Me: ( inwardly stating) Thank. You.  GOD
Dr: But I noticed that you had a heart shape uterus and there was a uterine septate that shows that there was no blood flow at that spot, this is probably what caused your miscarriage, it typically causes miscarriages and I amd happy I found it. Anyway expect to cycle within 6-8 weeks in the meantime take the Estrace as prescribed, see you in a month to make sure you are healing. Take care.
Me: OK

What did you notice? He didn't call me Maam YAY....anyway as if the IF road is not crazy enough now I have a heart shape UTE and busted tubes that won't pick up DH's sperm even if we were to "chance it". I am remaining positive, there are enough negatives to think about so why worry....just enjoying my road to recovery and counting down the days. In the meantime I plan to loose some weight, remain postive, keep posting on my daily activities and oh yeah try to figure out WHERE in the heck we will get the funds for the MEDS. After going over 1 hump there is always another. I leave you with a picture from Dr.Google for your viewing pleasure.

Tommorrow is surgery

Here I am fasting and quite hungry with still too many hours before surgery.
I am definitely NOT excited about the upcoming day. I have to be honest, I do not want to do surgery but I also know I need to put my big girl panties on and move forward...

Right now I have a splitting headache and will probably try some chicken broth...not that it will help...I am starving and would like food, yes to ginger chicken please..I guess I will have to wait until after. The anticipation to the surgery is the worse, the memories from the pain when I did it previously 8 years ago. I keep chanting to myself......"pain is temporary love is forever". Bull#$%*, it's gonna be quite sore the first 24-48 hours, that much I remember well.

I will go back to blog reading right now as currently my fascination has been with quad pregnancies...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO way am I considering being knocked up with 4 but from all the information I have gathered I would be prepared if it were to happen...again my aim is for a healthy baby and perhaps babies...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to quads, we cannot afford that and  I would be terrified to carry them. If you happen upon this blog please keep us in your prayers....we so desperately want a family of our own, to share our love, to carry on our legacy. Thanks in advance