JANUARY FET CANCELLED.....WTF,...my hopes like the dragon slain again

Just like the title reads I have been cancelled yet again. I know that if I wasnt a little stronger I would be a crazy right now...no not like saying expletives crazy but rocking back and forth, mumbling some gibberish crazy. ( no offense to anyone's family or them personally that line may offend). I mean you have to understand it is hard enough to be on this journey. Hopes slain....back to the benches and waiting for Aunt Flow for February, I hope she wont be a beast and show up late.....she can be such a pain in my rear.

STORY RETOLD
Let's recap shall we, went to New Hope June 2011 and signed papers, they didnt have me come back until August did a god awful lot of testing, did ER 9/24 cancelled due to lining in October, Did Hysteroscopy November and allowed Uterus to heal for December and then January 2012 comes around, I am elated, planning my wedding, ready for the FET and Lining is perfect BUT I ovulate while on my period.........yeah I know....WTF. Anyway the clinic will now move forward with a HRT FET, I cannot help but to feel they could have saved me months of waiting and done this from the start.

POSITIVE SPEAKING 101
Even though I was cancelled to be honest, I wasn't sad, disappointed maybe a little because I so wanted to do this. I guess the longer it is put off then I know I have an opportunity but once its done its done...Does that make sense? The time draws near for it to be final, just so final. I have a cute crush on the research lead Matt, ooohhh his sexy accent. It's just a harmless crush though, I think he has grown on me. Oh yeah back to positive thinking....hhmmmmm lets see...Not before God's time, and I know I have to wait for my blessings. I am still on my spiritual path but I do sometimes fail and a few not to nice words come out....I am human after all. :-) Life is wonderful though, I love DH, I love his strength, why ever would he want to marry an infertile is beyond me.....

WHAT THE HECK TO DO NOW
Well I guess I should loose some more weight before its time to get back on the grind. I am tempted ONLY tempted to take the supplements my friend takes, she has lost so much weight but then again I shouldn't. i stress and happy ate for the last several months and packed it on so I must work to get it off, the WII game I got for christmas will certainly help....so much fun.

HIGHLIGHT OF THIS WEEK: Finding the spot for our reception...

To have a dream wedding, obviously it helps to know your dream........hhhmmmm what the heck is my dream? I dunno really.. I am a girly girl that loves her shoes and PINK is of course my color along with other hues and I try to stay within the fashion trends with my own personal twists here and there....I absolutely LOVE hollywood GLAM and the 1920's pin up. I have been wanting to do a pin up shoot for DH FOREVER...preggers or not I will be doing one for his bday in July...yep even if I have a huge tummy I will be doing it. I know I try not to talk too much about baby thoughts, I drown myself into everything else and this wedding planning, but truth is I was planning this into my life, being pregnant, having the baby and fitting myself in a dress post baby. I dont want to get emotional about my what if thoughts....so I leave you with this wonderful picture.