Doctor's Report

On 7/9 I received a call from the RE`s office that a new script for antibiotics have been called in my pathology report over all is fine but shows that I have an inflammation. I was confused, asked for more details but nothing, take pills twice a day for 10 days..

ERYTHROMYCIN sucks bad....I have just about all the side effects and worse of it all I have never had this diagnosis which leads me to think something with the SIS I did?.  Anyway it is what it is I will truck along, my next appt is 8/5 and then we go from there.

3 more weeks come on......

ROYAL JELLY

Not sure if any one else is on it, has heard of it or used on their IVF journey but I decided to use it a little over a month ago. ROYAL JELLY AND BEE POLLEN in Honey, along with baby aspirin, prenatals, & folic acid occassionally drinking wheatgrass.

With me everything is usually Gung-Ho, at first and then of course I start slacking, a BAD habit but I do get bored easily with repetition, blah blah. OCD perhaps? Not sure but anyway this is what I started to do and will continue to do...I THINK. Actually let me give you the breakdown.

The middle of May I started on wheatgrass drinks, I blend my own at home after buying my grass from Whole Foods and YES it is very expensive if I keep this as a regular habit. I ran out and I haven't gotten more but I probably will today or tomorrow. If you are interested The Royal Jelly is sold at the Vitamin shop for $20 and lasts for a month, the first three weeks I was taking it like clock work around the last week or so though I did it maybe once a day or when I remembered but at the moment the jar has been empty for a week and I will start again tommorrow and probably until the start of the next IVF cycle or until I offically start with stims-supposedly you should take it ideally for 3 months to see a difference. At my last AFC count around cycle day 12 in June I had about 32 all together with my Left Ovary being the rock star my right apparently is a little lazy.

DO NOT GET ME WRONG- I am not into gimmicks or quick fixes but if you were to read the reviews it is supposed to be good for AFC, and I read a forum where it helped with egg quality and I thought why the heck not. I was never told I had an issue with either but there are some things I did notice from my MINI IVF cycle fall 2011. On that cycle while the average person had about 5 eggs retrieved, we only had 3, but ended up with 1 blast. The other girls in the forum had about 5-6 on average so it had me thinking, perhaps I needed to do all I can wth quantity and quality. I KNOW this may not have been the only contributing factor, I also remember being told my hormones were wacky but I still test normal even with this RE, wacky related to I was shut down too much on birth control pills, I ovulated too soon in my cycle or too late, and also that it took awhile to respond to the low stims and clomid. The Ultrasound tech in FL (at that time)  saw so many small follies that wouldn't go past a certain point with the menopur, but from the beginning that same dominant follie that while it did respond to the low stims still was basically doing what it would of done on its own naturally. By the time I went to NYC for the retrieval it basically was the one that kept on, our little engine that could, that tried, even after weeks of nothing on U/S the week before my D & C is when they finally saw a Yolk Sac...hmmmmm I think there may be something to that Uterine Septate maybe? WHo knows...perhaps I am just being hopeful, perhaps I should stop rambling and get back to Royal Jelly? OK.

Anyway if I haven't bored you to tears, please go to Dr. Google and research IVF & Royal Jelly and draw your own conclusion. If you had or will use it please tell me your experiences. I planned cycle should be starting with my AF (Aunt FLO) coming August, so the sooner the better.

Post Op & Heart Uterus

I am still sore but wanted to document my surgery and post op in the event someone will need the info later on or someone who is on the IVF journey.

7/2-Day of Surgery...we woke up and got ready for the hour drive. I was nervous as expected but did my best to remain as calm and positive as possible..it almost went completely to hell as I walk in the procedure area on the first floor and see a woman recovering, and looked so pale and out of it. YEP there goes my nerves. So they ushered me to the restroom to get changed, get me prepped and on my bed as I await my fate  turn. I see someone being wheeled out from recovery moaning....at that moment I seriously thought of getting dressed and running out of there but instead I prayed and asked God for peace. The Doctor came over, asked if I was ok, told me his plans and I said ok. I didn't whine, didn't tell him don't take my tubes out...nothing I just said okay....you see remember I had prayed for peace and even though I was nervous I was at peace.....hard to explain. ANYWAY:-) the anesthesiologist came in, told me what was to come, pretty soon I went into the procedure room, about almost died from being overwhelmed and then woke up with the tremendous urge to pee and of course being sore and the doctor talking to me while I am trying to come out of it ( my thoughts-why are you talking to me?). So I head home, starving, ate and this is where it went down hill and fast.
I threw up ALL night and then ALL wednesday..DH was so nervous and we contemplated taking me to the hospital.

In the end, the Doc phoned in Zofran for the nausea, and I came around by 4th of July.

7/5-Follow up post op. He removed the foley catherer ( hated that crap) and dropped a bomb on me...
Dr: You had a septate uterus  and I repaired it,
Me: Uhhmm what? What are you talking about
Dr: Well the good news is I did not remove your tubes, I told your husband after your surgery that I did not have to remove your tubes, they were medium damaged so I re-opened them and suctured them back, ( looking at the photos he did a good job).
Me: ( inwardly stating) Thank. You.  GOD
Dr: But I noticed that you had a heart shape uterus and there was a uterine septate that shows that there was no blood flow at that spot, this is probably what caused your miscarriage, it typically causes miscarriages and I amd happy I found it. Anyway expect to cycle within 6-8 weeks in the meantime take the Estrace as prescribed, see you in a month to make sure you are healing. Take care.
Me: OK

What did you notice? He didn't call me Maam YAY....anyway as if the IF road is not crazy enough now I have a heart shape UTE and busted tubes that won't pick up DH's sperm even if we were to "chance it". I am remaining positive, there are enough negatives to think about so why worry....just enjoying my road to recovery and counting down the days. In the meantime I plan to loose some weight, remain postive, keep posting on my daily activities and oh yeah try to figure out WHERE in the heck we will get the funds for the MEDS. After going over 1 hump there is always another. I leave you with a picture from Dr.Google for your viewing pleasure.

Tommorrow is surgery

Here I am fasting and quite hungry with still too many hours before surgery.
I am definitely NOT excited about the upcoming day. I have to be honest, I do not want to do surgery but I also know I need to put my big girl panties on and move forward...

Right now I have a splitting headache and will probably try some chicken broth...not that it will help...I am starving and would like food, yes to ginger chicken please..I guess I will have to wait until after. The anticipation to the surgery is the worse, the memories from the pain when I did it previously 8 years ago. I keep chanting to myself......"pain is temporary love is forever". Bull#$%*, it's gonna be quite sore the first 24-48 hours, that much I remember well.

I will go back to blog reading right now as currently my fascination has been with quad pregnancies...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO way am I considering being knocked up with 4 but from all the information I have gathered I would be prepared if it were to happen...again my aim is for a healthy baby and perhaps babies...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to quads, we cannot afford that and  I would be terrified to carry them. If you happen upon this blog please keep us in your prayers....we so desperately want a family of our own, to share our love, to carry on our legacy. Thanks in advance

We're all a go.....I think?

First the good news, heard from the insurance company that told me that the RE's office only just sent them the pre-authorization paper work the day before........are you surprised? Nope not me however I was surprised to get a followup call from the RE's office todat...**gasp*...without me calling them first...**gasp**....oh my. Anyway I guess it is a go for 7/2.

Now the bad news-DH will not be able to be with me or take me home after the procedure...I am still thinking about putting it off until the following week. He will be home later that same day BUT I think it is such a personal situation NOT to mention private so I cannot ask anyone to get me or to stay with me. He did tell his friend...which I am sure he did not think through since he will CLEARLY see the name of the practice and what they do on the building, in the waiting room, etc....oh well I guess you cannot win them all. I guess we will figure it out by monday either it is a go or I reschedule for the following week when he is home. I would rather to do it and get it over it though. We shall see, I did the procedure before and the first day is the worse with the pain and walking etc...I remember by the second or third day I was walking just about fine and then by he 5th day I was pretty much back to normal just slow walking for a few days. :-)
The RE said we would cycle 6 weeks after the Lap/Hyst...he said Sept/Oct. I am still adamant about not having my tubes removes unless they are deemed extremely useless and sucturing will not be beneficial to me.

TLC a baby story....
After the D&C last year I stayed clear of everything baby related as much as I can which is pretty difficult. Anyway I left the channel on TLC while I was cleaning and the show started, I didn't change it and the story was of a couple that had to use IVF to get pregnant and of course you get to go through the emotions with the couple while in Labor & Delivery, it was nice to see the love and support they received from their families. Nice touch on that TLC, not everyone can just "RELAX" and let it happen.

Ramblings
Then I found out something else, last year a friend of mine (call her T) and I were preggers at the same time and suffered miscarriages at the same time..yeah ODD right?. I had a D&C and she went the natural route. I told her about my loss after she told me hers via email...you just never know...BUT what are the ODDS that things would align in such a manner. ( AGAIN, no one knows our struggle with Infertility or have done and will be doing IVF, for now it is just our personal pain but I am sure people have figured perhaps we are having an issue getting pregnant)...actually I did tell 1 person but she is such a good source it is like talking to myself so she doesn't count and besides I was extremely VAGUE...so vague that she isn't sure what really it all entails, just that we went to a specialist in NYC, we did a treatment I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage.  Why am I going on and on about T?  well I didn't hear from her since my wedding, looking at the pictures she looked...sort of glowing...come to find out.. She was pregnant and suffered an early loss around my wedding ( she emailed me this info and my heart broke). WTFudge right? Anyway I guess all in all with my whining about the cycle and pre-starting and the tests, this journey is so hard, while she has no problems getting pregnant on her own seemingly, now she will need to find out why she has early losses...so sad and I pray that she is able to get her answers. Another friend I will call her H, she confided that she went on clomid and after trying naturally with her hubby, she lost the desire..I tried to sell her on going to a specialist and trying other tests, such as HSG, etc but she said "its too hard, I hate this, I don't even care anymore," that broke my heart too, I want to tell her look you are 32 do it NOW, time is not on your side onces you get to 35. I am 33 and 34 looms in 2 months...I know my chances decrease each day, each year... ok enough of the rambling...

Really?

**Warning-A little Ranting**

Today I decided to do the follow up since CLEARLY I was not going to hear from the clinic about the procedure planned for 7/2/13 and the antibiotics I was not prescribed and the paperwork I was not given.

THANKFULLY I have done the Hysteroscopy procedure before and know that I am supposed to be on antobiotics prior to the procedure  (roll eyes) lets see when the nurse will call me back or call in the prescription....I know one thing...no way are they going to do this and not prescribe those pills, no thanks on getting an infection. However the icing on the cake is the office billing clerk telling me that I need to call the insurance company because they sent in a pre-authorization for the procedure and still haven't heard back...well I did get a little snippy I admit it, I mean it was only a week ago since you were supposed to do this and next tuesday is the day, exactly WHEN were you going to tell me this information, just great...just freaking great. I will probably call the insurance company but not this second...perhaps later this is too ridiculous for words....thank goodness I am my own advocate.

MY ADVICE -to everyone going through IVF, research, research some more, ask questions ( which I do) double and triple check and find at least one competent person at your clinic to speak to, have an occassional glass of wine when it gets crazy and of course EXHALE :-)....I have my go to person at the clinic but sadly she is on vacation and will return the day of my planned surgery, I cannot wait....it is such a pleasure to deal with her and she is great at following up. :-) But not going to dwell so much on this craziness, I know I have to be a step forward and be on my toes at ALL times....

Totally Un-Related But FUN

 It's summer and I am so into bright colored lipsticks, sadly I look like a clown wearing them boo :-(.....it doesn't mean that I don't like to see them on others and secretly wish I could wear it...I wonder if I am the only one with the bright lipstick fetish... LOL :-) My new fave MAC's Candy Yum Yum...I will have to give it away to my sister, it does nothing for me...
*Side Note-this lippie am sure have been out forever and it is me that is late in noticing, perhaps because I am not a lipstick person....yeah I am weird...but the bright colored ones are just so cute* LOL

Better at reading than posting....

The title says it all. I have been reading an average of about 3 or more IVF blog stories on a day to day basis from the stirrup queens blogroll, check it out so many emotional struggles and upligting blogs. It is very enlightening, empowering, and gives you lots of hope for your own journey. Go here Stirrup Queens Blogroll  I guess until I start cycling everything is uneventful at the moment. I know I should definitely get back to blogging so I can remember this journey with respect to documenting my own feelings.

RE UPDATE ( roll eyes)
So we finally had our followup with our RE on 6/19 about the IVF cycle.
I have to be honest if this cycle was not free due to us winning the raffle then I am not so sure I would use this doctor. My DH is a little more forgiving but I cannot help but feel that.....he does not take the time to review the records BEFORE meeting with his patients and that he comes off quite distant...or removed..?

So we walk in and he introduces himself as if this was our first meeting... (thinking)uhhmmmm you were in my wooo haaa 2 weeks prior and said you needed to do a Saline Sonogram....this is a follow up appointment buddy not to mention we did this whole speil a month prior don't you review your notes?)...Ok so perhaps I was being anal but I just didn't like that, or that this is the second consultation and both times he told us to wait while he finished taking notes about the prior patients.......alrighty then...or throughout the consult he kept referring to me as "maam" ( I suppose my name was not on any of the stack of files in front of him). I HATED that the most, it was so cold, so unattacted to address me that way.
The meat of the appointment is him telling me that everything from our records were fine Woo Hoo ( by the way he was trying to read the notes while speaking with us)....Ok I glanced over at DH and took a deep breath and then he got to the "BUT" word and he said well one of the criterias for the free IVF raffle is that you have to have healthy tubes and since you have hydros in both we will need to do a laproscopic surgery to remove....I was a little pissed off, not that I do not want to do everything in my power to make it a favorable home for my emby but he HAD all this information in front of him prior, and there is NO WHERE it is listed about any criterias such as that, there is only 1 and it states that you cycle within 60 days of winning the raffle that is all.
I listened intently as he went on to say that it was likely the fluid leaking to my uterus that caused my prior miscarriage....again I was pissed. He has NO evidence of that. As a matter of fact, he first "thought" ( because apparently he cannot read) that there was no implantation at all, he even said ( which is laughable considering the way is) that being a trial patient meant that I did not get personalized care. After I let him go on and make a fool of his self, I pointed out that actually NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...it did implant and was deemed a blighted ovum...I also asked isn't it a fact that people without tubal issues ALSO have oblighted ovums. He then went on to show me the pictures of a healthy tube and a hydro tube..I closed my eyes and said a prayer so I wouldn't come off as smart ass.... ( maybe it wasn't him...could be the memory of it all :-( )  HELLOOOOOOOO genius...I TOLD you about the hyrdos, I told you about doing a lap in 2005, I also provided you with records. I am well aware of these pictures and don't want to see them. This went on for what felt like forever but was probably 20 minutes tops, honestly I am done talking about it for now. At the end of the day he wants to do the Lap to remove the tubes prior to IVF but what I am uneasy about and a little put off is he wanted to now do a Hysteroscopy as well, at the same time....why? You just did a saline sonogram and said my uterus looks beautiful. In one thought I just feel he is reaching and the other perhaps he wants to make sure this cycle is successful. As it stands he has a 50/50 chance for someone within my age range.  This journey is full of ups and downs and I have to accept this as a strange turn. Let me just add too that while I did not get individualized service at NH, it was impeccable service while cycline there. I have no complaints. If I could have afforded it, I would be cycling with them as a paying patient right now. I would say about 8 out of the 10 of the girls I cycled with got pregnant and they have their take home babies so hey go figure.

I know how it sounds after reading this post...why would you use him with such distrust?
Well I am also a religious woman... ( one that occassionly curses out loud, get mad, and loose my way but God has forgiven me ). I do believe that it was fate that caused us to consult with this doctor, get into the raffle and ultimately winning. I do believe that God lead us to him so I will have faith in his medical capabilities but will still be my own advocate. I hope and pray with all my heart that we will have a successful cycle and have our take home baby/babies.

On the brighter note ALL is well with me and DH's tests beyond me having to remove my busted tubes. I do not want to remove them, I would rather them being suctured back or snipped off so I can keep em ( i guess am attached)....to have them completely removed would just make IVF our ONLY option ever to get pregnant. I am not naive I know that our chances are slim to none with hydros in place ( by the way neither of the Ultrasound techs saw swollen tubes on the ultrasounds ...not even the RE so in my opinion leave em....but I am not a doctor and will have to learn to let them go)...but slim is better than absolutely none. DH is ready to say goodbye to them though...( if we have to that is). LOL he is ready to be a daddy and he said have faith baby, this will work. So right now waiting on AF, the plan is to do the Lap on 7/2 so as I told them A/F should be here by 6/25, heres to A/F showing up on time. Per the RE 6 weeks after the lap we move right into the cycle. So now I wait for the follow up from the clinic and A/F to start

I`m still here

Ok....I have some updating to do but since I will be consulting with the RE tommorrow might as well wait until then

Quickie Update

Arrgghhh the good news is the bloodwork is done, the bad news, caught in a claustro...@#%. Whirlwind of cobra health continuation since my insurance cancelled... Will update more after RE reviews my med records, etc..,eitherway they owe us a free cycle. I will not stress, this will all work out.

Day 3 Update
5/28/2013

So first thing in the morning....ok around noon :-) I faxed what little medical info I had to my local RE and they in turn faxed me a blood request to redo all testing. I requested all previous info from New Hope but that will take 10 days....just great. Anyway next week I have to do a Saline Sonogram for the RE to see if my uterus is fine.  Sadly my insurance ends at the end of this month so I was happy to do it but nervous it cannot be done...we shall see

Blood work-I was so excited..NOT.. I wasn't, I was mad, angry I am here again, angry that 2 years ago this very time I was gearing up to go to NYC to sign papers and get on a mini-ivf journey.........I held back tears, filling 10-12 vials of blood is cruel.....eff u infertility. But I am back on the journey....isn`t that what this is all about? My veins were shot for months after that cycle, my DH was worried and hated seeing me in pain, but here I am again, back on the road, this one with more needles than the one before. Our need is so great,we desperately want a family..he would allow up to 3 to be transferred if we have the chance....actually i told him no....as much as we want this 2 is standard and the max that we should transfer back.

Positively Speaking

Anyway I am blessed once more with Free Ivf which is surreal. We do not live in a mandated state so it isnt offered but we get one more shot at this, and we are one step closer so I will be glad, rejoice and remain positive.I asked for a breakthough for 2013, I just pray this is it.

On another note-I am trying to loose the extra 20 pounds gained grrrr, started ligthly excercising daily, taking prenatals,and now royal jelly. I didnt do anything crazy before but Iiked what I read about its effect, will stop if it makes the cycle crazy....we shall see.

Am back...IVF take #2

It has been 13 months since I have updated this blog and said goodbye, quite frankly am not sure why I didnt delete it but glad I did not. :-). Excuse any and all ramblings..as I am still in disbelief about this whole thing.

5/2012-5/2013 Quickie Update
So what's happening in my life...? Well after the D&C I was really depressed but since I was wedding planning I occupied my brain with ALL things wedding, sure I had my moments of sadness but life had to go on. I got married to my bestfriend 2013 and prayed for a break through for 2013. Truth be told my faith has waivered but thank goodness my hubbys did not. I started a new job and just enjoying this new chapter in my life.,.if you recall my previous posts I mentioned hubby  as DH for Dear Heart and not Dear Husband as commonly referred...so we never gave up hope BUT knew my insurance did not cover IVF but decided to consult with a local clinic that offers 3 tries for $9900 no meds of course..this is with the intention of possibly financing the cost, while at the consultation the nurse advised that twice a year the RE offers 2 seminars for infertile couples about IVF and if u attend u win a free consultation as well as 1 free IVF cycle with ICSI. As u have it the first of 2 would be in a week...we got there late, hubby annoyed because am Always late (lol)...yeah even to our wedding anyway lots of couples....we listened, asked questions, turned in our form and thought nothing of it...matter of fact. FORGOT about it and then a week ago 5/17/2013 on our way to dinner we got a call...

"Congratulations you are the winners of our 2013 free IVF raffle"...We...ok I screamed and kept saying thank you God....thank you God....we cycle August..Yaaahoooo......a second chance, we feel like we won the lotto...

More to come...