I have not blogged in so many months and I have so much catching up to do here.
Yesterday was my 1st
Day back to work and today my daughter is 12 weeks old. It is incredibly; gut wrenching hard to leave my daughter for work. On one
hand it is nice to get back in the swing of working and make some income albeit
it won’t be much, but on the other hand I hate to leave my sweet baby. It took us over 12 years to get her here and I am so happy she is finally here. I cried a few
days ago like a big baby, then again 2 days before and then last night I held
her so close.
Returning to work for me is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life besides having to deal with my Dad's death my freshman year in college. In my opinion, it is especially so because of the means by which she was conceived, which is through IVF.
Hubby depleted savings for us to have a chance & we did 1 cycle and thankfully it worked. The down side to all this is due to depleting the savings, there was nothing left for me while being out ( my company benefits suck and do not pay for maternity leave) & also for me to be out for an extended period for her 1st year. My heart aches but I must push on or find a solution that will work out for my family.
Returning to work for me is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life besides having to deal with my Dad's death my freshman year in college. In my opinion, it is especially so because of the means by which she was conceived, which is through IVF.
Hubby depleted savings for us to have a chance & we did 1 cycle and thankfully it worked. The down side to all this is due to depleting the savings, there was nothing left for me while being out ( my company benefits suck and do not pay for maternity leave) & also for me to be out for an extended period for her 1st year. My heart aches but I must push on or find a solution that will work out for my family.
I think of the milestones I may miss, first walk, first
word, & all the other firsts which make me feel guilty and sad all over
again. It hits her daddy just as hard because he feels really bad he is not in
a position to make this better for us both. The reality is we are closer to the
lower end of middle income and we cannot afford for me not to work. My student loan is higher than my paycheck and I am also repaying that as well. Quite frankly I would rather not stay home without any income to place more of a financial burden on my
husband, why can't we win the lottery?
Even though I barely make much, I still feel it is still me doing my part & covering my share of the expenses. Things would be a lot better if I liked my job. I don’t hate it per se, but I definitely need more growth & better benefits. I do however like the people I work with and so far they have all been so supportive and check on me throughout the day. Let me just say this though, constantly being asked if I am ok will drive me nuts soon.
Even though I barely make much, I still feel it is still me doing my part & covering my share of the expenses. Things would be a lot better if I liked my job. I don’t hate it per se, but I definitely need more growth & better benefits. I do however like the people I work with and so far they have all been so supportive and check on me throughout the day. Let me just say this though, constantly being asked if I am ok will drive me nuts soon.
I am going to put up the birth story in another day or so before all thought and memory are gone. What a journey this has been, I am thankful for the happy ending.
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