Lady B's Birth Story-Part I

My Sweet Baby

Born 1/30/18 at 1:01 am

I spent so much time being afraid through the pregnancy journey that I didn't give too much thought to the birthing process. The doctor told me somewhere in the middle that I would be induced and I just accepted it.  At some point I was hoping for a c-section  since as the time got closer I thought how the effects of delivering vaginally would be cosmetically to my lady bits. I know....I know it was the least of my worries at the end. 

I went into this without a birth plan because I didn't want to have one, and then it not work and be disappointed. Looking back now since everything went completely left I am glad I didn't have one. It would have made it that much more stressful.

I do wish that there were more pictures both of me being pregnant as well as in the hospital but such is life....I cannot get those moments back. For me, it's so hard to be in the moment and document  at the same time. 

My last appointment on 1/26th I had a scare where the baby's heart rate was plummeting and we failed the Stress Test which looks like the below ( pic is not of me). Anyway I was sent to Labor and Delivery and she was doing fine and I was told I would be induced to come in Monday morning ( 1/29th) at 6:00 am. My husband met me at the hospital so as we were getting ready to leave I said let's get Chipotle....he asked me 3 times if I was sure and I will find out IT.WAS.A.BIG.MISTAKE. I was food poisoned. It didn't hit right away it was somewhere in the early morning Saturday when my husband heard me throwing my guts up and sweating/moaning from the pain then we both started to worry. I mean it was non stop and I couldn't even hold the water down. 

Due to  the food poisoning ordeal it magnified all braxton hicks contraction to level 10 but still it wasn't the real deal....or I didn't think they were.

Anyway this went on for a few hours and my husband said get dressed I am taking you to the hospital. I get there around the afternoon & was told the baby was doing fine but I was dehydrated.

 I kept on throwing up and it stopped after I  was given fluids. 

While this was all unfolding I forgot to mention  I threw up so much I peed myself. Luckily there was a caring nurse that helped me out of my pee soaked panties and since they thought I was ok they decided to release me. BIG.MISTAKE #2.

As I was being wheeled to the car I felt a wave of nausea and as my husband pulled the car around to  pick me up just in time to see me throwing up with the nurse. 

She said since everything is ok with the baby and you have 1 more day before induction just try broth and no food until this passes. She also looked worried and told me if I think I need to come back to the hospital to do so. I went home and tried to sleep through the pain, nausea and miserableness.

At some point on Sunday ( the day before D-day) my husband was about to set up the bassinet which I registered for but did not like once I received it.  This one

 

 We heard a knock on the door and it was an Amazon package for another one. Which was this one. It is the one we use and she is basically too big for but more on this in another post later on.

 

Okay getting back on track. I kept throwing up, being in pain, falling asleep. Rinse and repeat for several hours this kept on. Despite my husbands concern I said no I will hold out just a little longer since I wanted to be induced by the OB that was the nicest in the practice....until delivery day that is.

 Somehow I made it to 3:00 am Monday and it seemed to have gotten worse. My husband got up, dressed, got the suitcase and said let's go I am taking you in right now. I took a shower and laid down, I put my underwear on and laid down, I threw up and laid down. I was so exhausted and cannot even remember making it down the steps. We live in a condo on the 2nd floor, going up & down those steps while pregnant was not fun.

So we finally get to the hospital at 4:00 am, we live maybe 10 minutes away but it was the longest 10 minutes of our lives.

Initially I had plans for the days leading up to the induction with some exciting plans.

\We were gonna do a photo shoot that Saturday, I was going to record getting ready  & would record while in the car....all of this went out the window. I was in too much pain to concentrate on anything but my daughter and me while still  throwing up.

Labor & Delivery

We get to labor and Delivery and I was placed in a room, where much of the same happened but it slowed down slightly. They started the pitocin despite my pain already, so it was a double whammy.

I kept waking up to the pain and I told the on call nurse I want my epidural line in right now as well as I need the antibiotics since I tested positive for Strep B. I was going in and out of sleep through it.

The anesthesiologist came & his bedside manner was horrible but he got the medicine in and then all pain was gone so I fell asleep. I told myself I would definitely sent the hospital a letter about my ordeal with the guy's bedside manner administering the epidural as soon as I can but just haven't yet.

Anyway they kept checking me and I went from a 2 cm when I first got in there to a 6 cm somewhere in the late afternoon. Like I said there was no documentation and my memory is a little hazy on the time. The OB  came in and said "who said she is at a 6, turn up the Pitocin" she is at a 4. All of a sudden I started feeling the pain and then my once numb legs I could now feel and move them. I rang the nurse immediately because clearly the meds had worn off. She kept telling me  I should be fine. This went on for hours until I got to 10 cm to which she replied well it's too late and the anesthesiologist said he was busy and couldn't come back. I was so pissed, in excruciating pain and still throwing up.....just lovely. I could have strangled her right there. The OB came in at some point and told me to push and I said no. 

See Part II

The Clinic

Pic from here

I am forever grateful to God for our miracle & the assistance of the staff at CNY Infertility.-Albany. It was such a spa like experience.

My advice to anyone on this journey please "Do Not" base choosing  a clinic for IVF or any fertility treatment on just popularity. Please do your research & if they offer free consultations then go for it.Find out about their pregnancy rates & if they do patient batching, etc. Another important factor for me was finding groups of women that were presently cycling or had experience at the clinic I wanted to cycle with. My journey has been private for the most part so I was lucky enough to find a few on Facebook that had private & secret groups.

CNY is a great clinic & an affordable choice at $3,900 per cycle which includes ( ICSI & Assisted Hatching). Well this was the price I paid spring of 2017, it may have changed. They also offer in house financing with No Credit Check. I didn't use it but I think that alone is a great selling point for lots of women.

• ICSI is Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection is a specialized form of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) that is used for the treatment of severe cases of male-factor infertility. ICSI involves the injection of a single sperm directly into a mature egg.
• Assisted hatching is a newer lab technique that was developed when fertility experts observed that embryos with a thin zona pellucida had a higher rate of implantation during IVF. With assisted hatching, an embryologist uses micromanipulation under a microscope to create a small hole in the zona pellucida.

They offer top of the line service, labs  & while it has low outdated SART scores, they actually have high pregnancy rates. I know this because of the Facebook group of women that cycle there and just about daily we have several pregnancy announcements. Anywhere from the 20 something to the late 40 something. Luckily I found out through these women that the scores are low because they do not turn anyone away but it would not have deterred my mind anyway, I was ready to try again. 

Ultimately no matter your issue, or age ( OK not sure of the cut off but 50 yr olds are cycling) if you are willing to try they are willing to help and give you realistic expectations. I called CNY when I was just a month shy of my  at 37th b-day and was told my chances were 30%. I rolled the dices and I am glad that I did since we were successful on only 1 shot with 4 embryos frozen and waiting if we decide to try again.

If you look back at my posts from 2011-2012 I did mini IVF with a highly ranked clinic, I was younger and while I did get pregnant, I had no embryos to try again. I think it was due to the medicine I was taking but who knows. The second clinic I cycled I had plenty eggs and lots of blasts but told they were not of good quality to freeze and that cycle I did not even get pregnant. I am sure my hormones were too high for transfer but they did anyway. They retrieved 29 eggs & I couldn't believe ( I still do not) that there were none to freeze. It was a free cycle that I won there and I honestly think they discarded them but I digress.

I understand the desperation with wanting to try IVF to have just 1 shot of conceiving, I know this all too well. Thinking that a higher ranked SART clinic has got to the be the better choice but it is often not so at all.

My IVF journey started in 2011 and here we are 7 years later with a 12 week old. So much time has gone by, it makes me sad to think of the what if's. But it also make me think of the women that are still waiting and have waited much longer. I hope everyone is successful.

Just another note- High score based clinics such as the big name in Colorado ( you know the one) have very strict guidelines for IVF, they do not accept difficult cases which would explain the high ranking. Also, they are over priced and I have seen many bad review so again do not choose a clinic based on popularity. I just wanted to give someone hope with this choppy blog post. I hope it was at least somewhat insightful for the reader that may have to undergo IVF, the reader that needs treatment and think they cannot afford it, and perhaps the reader that is just about to start the journey.

Work After Maternity Leave-Separation Anxiety

Where the heck did the time go?

I have not blogged in so many months and I have so much catching up to do here.

Yesterday was my 1^st Day back to work and today my daughter is 12 weeks old. It is incredibly; gut wrenching hard to leave my daughter for work. On one hand it is nice to get back in the swing of working and make some income albeit it won’t be much, but on the other hand I hate to leave my sweet baby. It took us over 12 years to get her here and I am so happy she is finally here. I cried a few days ago like a big baby, then again 2 days before and then last night I held her so close. 

Returning to work for me is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life besides having to deal with my Dad's death my freshman year in college. In my opinion, it is especially so because of the means by which she was conceived, which is through IVF.  

Hubby depleted savings for us to have a chance & we did 1 cycle and thankfully it worked. The down side to all this is due to depleting the savings, there was nothing left for me while being out ( my company benefits suck and do not pay for maternity leave) & also for me to be out for an extended period for her 1st year. My heart aches but I must push on or find a solution that will work out for my family.

I think of the milestones I may miss, first walk, first word, & all the other firsts which make me feel guilty and sad all over again. It hits her daddy just as hard because he feels really bad he is not in a position to make this better for us both. The reality is we are closer to the lower end of middle income and we cannot afford for me not to work.  My student loan is higher than my paycheck and I am also repaying that as well. Quite frankly I would rather not stay home without any income to place more of a financial burden on my husband, why can't we win the lottery?

Even though I barely make much, I still feel it is still me doing my part & covering my share of the expenses. Things would be a lot better if I liked my job. I don’t hate it per se, but I definitely need more growth & better benefits. I do however like the people I work with and so far they have all been so supportive and check on me throughout the day. Let me just say this though, constantly being asked if I am ok will drive me nuts soon.

I am going to put up the birth story in another day or so before all thought and memory are gone. What a journey this has been, I am thankful for the happy ending.