Stress & Acupunture

Around this time of the year I am super & seriously BUSY.

 

This is just a quick short post on progress...

 

There is none....I will do the testing etc. after the holidays, it is way too stressful at work & I have no time. They have been sending me information on what they need so that is great news. All of the information is on the patient portal which I must remind my self to check daily. Obviously while cycling I will be more on top of it but for now.....it isn't a big deal..well not for me.

 

Anyway back to whining-I am incredibly busy plus family are coming in and I don't want them in our private affairs.

AT first I was planning to cycle in January but truthfully I think I will do it in February.

I have been eating bad & forgetting to take my vitamins. Since I plan to fix that nonsense then hopefully it will make a difference. They are now right on my night stand can't miss them.

We are paying 100% out of pocket so it is best to be sure and ready than rushed & regretful.

 

My very first acupuncture was Friday and it was good. I was a nervous and barely felt a thing.

It was really relaxing and his track record helped me settle down. According to him and his wall he has gotten lots of women pregnant plus he came highly recommended.

Truthfully it is not the most fun I have ever had but if it will help why not.

The cost will be substantial if I go weekly as he suggested so I will for 4v weeks and then every 2 weeks until stims ( 6-8 weeks total estimate) however my meds come first.

Technically we really can not afford this so I will stretch my already thin funds thinner just to get prepped & will stop if I cannot swing it.

 

I might definitely sell allot of my possessions on EBay to get some more $$$$ in.

 

 

 

I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday season but I won't get into that today. I will save

that post for when it is all over & I can breathe.

 

Dragging My Feet & Reminders

As excited as I was to get the consultation it is actually quite odd that now that I have instructions I haven't done anything with them. **Sigh**. I don't have a reason for my procrastination,.... ok perhaps I do.

After my D&C in 2012 I sort of stopped seeing my regular OB/GYN and have been seeing just a Gynecologist at Cleveland clinic instead. It is a big network and I just wanted to be a number & no longer a familiar face, didn't want the empathy or anyone feeling sorry for me, I wanted to be unknown. I was with my OB for almost 10 years and he is so kind but I associate him with that loss and I am not sure I can ever go back to that place.....
** My feelings are completely irrational. They were very nurturing and was rooting for me but they handled the end and I just couldn't face them again. Obviously I probably shouldn't fee this way but I 100% do.** 

Anyway some of the work up in the portal requires another Saline Sonogram and and a Hysteroscopy so where do I go from here? I can either book local with a new place or to Albany and I have been dragging my feet.
The instructions are dated 11/21 it's 9 days later and too late in my cycle anyway. Alas it will be accomplished, I will get this done some time in December. My plan is to cycle in January but I am not against pushing it back to February if we must. I have been out of Ubiquinol for a week again just so lazy but I ordered through Amazon prime so in 2 days to get it going.......

I plan to send them the genetic testing I did so those are not repeated. Hubby is not excited for another semen analysis but hey....this is where we are.

 Reminders

1. Expect people to say stupid insensitive things
2. Have faith in the process but expect setbacks
3. Resist the temptation to over analyze every detail of your treatment cycle
4. Keep living my life, save, travel on a budget ( local if we must), see friends ( connect/ reconnect)
5. Blog more, read a few more books, 
6. Learn to stay positive and just let it go.
7. Have plans set in place for Plan A or B, or C  ( God please let me not need any of them beyond A)

The Universe & Phone Call Done

First let me me just say the phone consultation went well. It was with Nurse L, & she answered the few questions I had, naturally I forgot some  but overall she did great.

 I do have the option for a follow up call from an R/E but I didn't think it was necessary..........for now.

 I told her a little of my history and the protocol she mentioned they would do my cycle

 tailored to me. We shall see how true this part really is.

 She asked me in detail about the last IVF

 and she asked me with the number of eggs they retrieved do I think I have PCOS?

 I said well no I have not been told that and have seen 3 R/Es.

#1. R/E 2005  1st Laparoscopy found the blocked tubes

#2. R/E 2011-2012 Mini IVF NYC

#3 R/E 2013 Antagonist Cycle

My main reason for not needing a followup right away is 

that  despite ordering my medical records since 11/3  I did not receive them.

I.WAS.PISSED.

Thankfully I called, gave them a stern talking to and got it bright and early today.

I was glancing over the notes and my eyes fell upon a tidbit I clearly did not know.

PCO noted for ovaries.... no not PCOS......it says PCO. A mistake? Not sure but let me tell
 you I thought WTF. I already have my tubes to contend with why must there be this crap too?

I have been wanded about 1,000,000 times and never told this but hell what can I do but deal with this blow too. Effing Infertility. First you kick me in the tubes, now the freaking ovaries. You will not win, You just can't Damn It. 

Also he noted that egg quality is an issue in one area and then that they were good blasts in another so I am confused. I wish I had 3 months to get my body together with supplements for this go around.

For goodness sake I was 34 and he noted something about age.....BASTARD. 

Sorry just his notes made me mad since much of it I was not told. Anyway I did start the Coq 10, Acai, Prenatals, Vitamin  D & Fish Oil. Melatonin when I remember too a few weeks ago.
So if it's a fight Infertility wants it's a fight there will be. If I could financially I would keep fighting not just for me, but for the countless women out there going through this disease they call elective so we cannot get insurance coverage.  I am angry but my choice of action is to better myself.

Let the games commence 

Bitter Chinese Herbs ( will gulp it gladly to clear tubes worked for some maybe me too)

Serrapeptase( scar tissue if any are present, did it often last year and sparingly this one)

Castor Oil Pack ( loosen up any scar tissue if present)

Supplements prior to this round

Try to commit 100% to a clean diet

Loose 10 pounds(seriously I was 10 pounds lighter at that cycle and he told me I need to loose weight  & he put it in the note)

 I am also going to do something I am terrified of ...... Acupuncture.

So a Big Fat EFF YOU !!

 Infertility and the horse you rode in on

The happiness you stole from me,

The tears I have cried,

The years I have watched go on,

The prognosis known and unknown,

Our empty arms,

The dumb ass questions we are asked by even strangers, &

The damn clock ticking in the back ground.

I already have the big guns, looks like I need bigger ones.

Let's GO

Consultation & Supplements before starting

This might be a little long

It didn't take long to get a phone call from CNY but I think the tone of the caller had me a little well uneasy, and quite frankly nothing bad was said. I think it's in my head, I initially wanted to cycle at Syracuse but I think I will change my mind to Albany "IF" I decide to cycle with them. Thus far there are LOTS of mixed reviews about this clinic which isn't making my unease any better but we shall see. Honestly we do not have cash lying around to test the waters, age is also no longer on my side.

 

Our  phone consultation will be on 11/21... YAY. I guess I am anxious and wanted sooner but heck such is life :-) . I think I am being a total nut especially since I planned on cycling closer to February. I know I will need to do another HSG, insurance sucks so I am pretty sure I DO NOT want to do another laparoscopy so Chinese Herbs it is to get any gunk in my broken tubes out.

Me waiting for the consult

 

In the meantime I am getting ready to order a few supplements to help egg quality. A few I used for the cycle in 2013 so perhaps posted before.

Side-Note
I have sleeping issues. Sometimes I am fine and can get 6-7 hours, but lately I am lucky if I can get 4 uninterrupted. It's not the bed ( we tried changing the mattress a few months ago which I love), I have been suffering with insomnia for a few years now. It is so bad that when my friend had her infant and was up doing late feedings, she would text me to pass the time because she "knew" I would be up.
 Lovely right?

Anyway saying all of that to say this.....1 of the supplements on the list is Melatonin so I did a test drive last night and got 6 1/2 hours and so score...

The CCRM's supplement list is below, if you decide to take any of them I suggest you do your research. For myself I don't plan on taking all of them, especially DHEA.

• Myo Inositol, 2 grams, twice daily ( Probably won't take this either)
• Melatonin, 3 mg, bedtime -
• Co-Enzyme Q10, 200 mg, three times daily -
• L-Arginine, 1000 mg, twice daily -
• Poor responders addition: DHEA, 25 mg, three times a day from compounding pharmacy
• Pycogenol-100 mg. 1 x/day
• Royal Jelly - Not from CCRM
• Chinese Herbs( stop at start of stims)-Not from CCRM
• Wheat grass juice -Not from CCRM 
• Fish oil or Omega 3 500 mg
• Vitamin C – 200 mg, 1x/day (in the morning)
• Vitamin E – 200 IU, 1 x/day
• Vitamin D

Supplements with great documented results for treatment of various problems associated with infertility in MEN

• CoQ10 - at least 300 mg
• L-Argnine
• PYCONOGENOL

I am not a pill popper which I have mentioned somewhere along the lines before, but IVF isn't cheap so why not try to up the already low odds.

Thankfully I have been eating fairly clean, ok perhaps 75% clean for 3 months I still have a long way to go. Ultimately none of this is up to me, it's on God's timing.

 

A Plan Is Underway

It has been quite the while, can't believe we are already nearing the end of October, wow time flies especially when your biological clock is ticking and your arms are empty and you are now 37 so a whole 12 years of dealing with infertility.....**Sigh**

On the bright side, we have a plan, not just a plan but funding for that plan...well 85% of it. THANK.YOU.GOD.

Hubby has been secretly saving for months and then hands me cash yesterday stating "here hopefully this is enough for perhaps 1 cycle, I tried my hardest and will try to add more in December" 

O.K. Back Up! What ? Holy Shit I almost passed out from the shock and joy. It dawned on me he was going to purchase a new car this year

Well it is enough for a full cycle at  CNY, New York, actually closer to 2 WITHOUT meds.

He knows I am resourceful and will find away to get the other 15% but I have to say my heart skipped several beats at him for being so sneaky and doing this alone but for making this sacrifice. He is always so selfless but for IVF he hasn't been all the way on board, I think like me we wanted, prayed & still hoping for a natural miracle. IVF has no guarantees but it is a step.

Am off to make consult appointments and have already made up my mind to cycle in January/February next year. 

Next step get the CCRM cocktail list and start preparing my body.

The race is still on...

This will be a short & sweet post.

Couch 25K
So in my last post over a month ago I talked about couch 25K. Technically I should have been almost done by now but the weather has messed up the schedule so several weeks later I am on week 3 of training...uggh the humanity. Okay,  not just the weather , I had to repeat week 2 about 3 or err 4 times, there I said it. Running and being out of shape really sucks...but I will overcome and I am overcoming. On a brighter note- I AM RUNNING...woo hoo...albeit slow, looking like an injured animal gasping for air. but.. I AM RUNNING.

As for IVF 
It's all about the where & the when now.

I told Hubby around the fall this year & he said....drum roll  please.........YES. Also, I said Mexico and he paused for a sec and then said ok so 2 out of 2. I am excited...but obviously there are many variables I have to weigh.

It is only my beginning phase of  researching the where since I am trying to figure out where to go. Mexico? NYC? Boston?

Where we go will  LARGELY depend on our finances or lack there of, but I  have not given up on being a mom, to go through pregnancy, to have my own child/children.  Serrapeptase is still in my arsenal of supplies and I am back to faithfully taking them daily. Thank goodness for notes & my blog since I have to refer to them on how to take my primrose oil and Dong Quai.

Looking back, sadly I was here a year ago, hopeful but ready and as you can see still not pregnant a year later. In life you have 2 choices dwell on the short comings or go out and find opportunities . For me it's a no-brainer let's keep moving.

Damn it 2016 please be our year  & please give us a break from infertility. Natural or assisted we just want our own child/children. Ok am done babbling until next time.

And so the race begins...sort of !

Sorry, I couldn't really think up a title to say I am here and I am back.

I tend to leave for long periods don't I?

Quite frankly when there is nothing new to report who wants to write about the same thing daily.

I want a baby, I am still broken, my bilogical clock is ticking, and so on.

As for the supplements, I stopped.  The ovulation tracking I stopped that as well. I got both bored, side tracked, busy, and all the other excuses there are. I basically wanted to have a cool out period which lasted longer than I anticipated. All will begin again slowly this month..honestly the Serrapeptase's effects must still be present because despite not using it for 4 or so months I still do not cramp. 

So what the heck is the title about you wonder?

2 things  (a). First I will start the couch to 5k program today...and if you need details please go here she does a great job of providing Details for Couch to 5K .

I decided I am getting way too heavy and finding all the reasons to not take care of it..many mentioned above and since I am ahem....getting older I need to take care of me.

Also I know that I need to be in optimal health for....

(b) & the second is that I am trying to figure out where to do IVF this year, financing etc.

(b) is tricky for a number of reasons but I will just say for now that, hubby is not really on board 100% with IVF even though we both still VERY much want a child.

 I won't force him..........who am I kidding? Let's just say I am gently easing him there. 

I have been researching in the mean time and found a reputable clinic in NYC that will do, 3 tries for $10K or 2 for $7K. I am not sure if I will go visit in the summer or start this in the fall but it will be sooner than later fingers crossed. 

And that's what's new folks....I am starting the couch to 5K, getting the eggs nice and healthy, and then hopefully will be doing IVF this year.

New Year, Same Goal

Happy New Year,

It's been quite some time since I have been here and even longer it seems that I tracked or kept up with anything. It's a new year but I still have the same goals. Hubby is really dragging his feet with a decision on IVF for March this year. I do not want to push but I will re-visit this again in a few weeks. 

I only just recently started taking my Serrapeptase again, the holidays are always the hardest with infertility plus being busy with other things. I am back on to tracking and according to my Glow App I am CD 26.

Not a resolution but I am working out again...it's the little things.

I purchased this book today from Amazon..... only a penny can't beat that deal. I can't wait to receive it. Technology would give me this in my hands right away but I prefer the book, to reference later or to pass along if needed..... oh well I guess I am  old fashion.