Clearing the Dust & New Path

It has been sometime since I have been back here....honestly I didn't have much to say, and had no idea where to start. Currently I am  a month shy of 36 yrs old & still childless. Just typing that hurts but at the same time I am in a MUCH better place emotionally & mentally.

A few months ago I visited a friend that also had fertility issues ( for 4 years) but she was blessed in 2014 with her first try using IUI. I am so incredibly happy for her....more so because I know the hurt she felt....the same hurt I feel........waiting with empty arms. Thank God her prayers were answered and her arms are now filled. For me there is no jealousy, she felt pain, she felt sorrow, she had longing. But I do ask myself.......

 

I often think about the New Hope Mini IVF Trial  I participated in from 2011-2012 & feel so sad that it did not work for me. Many of the ladies that I followed on the clinical trial  thread thankfully went on to have their child / children and here I am several years later..............still waiting. The good thing I did take away from that is, ( in my mind anyway) if I had more than 1 embryo, I am almost 100% confident I would have gotten pregnant and had my child. They promised me they would get me pregnant even though sadly I had a miscarriage, they lived up to their word. Matt looked me directly in my face without a smile and said it with conviction........he was right. I find peace or perhaps I am delusional, that if only I had more embryos then I would have my child today. Obviously there is no way to know for sure....but  heck....it gives me peace.

The New Path

For the last several months I have been on a spiritual journey.......being infertile has taken so much from me. My joy, my spirit, and a big chunk of my time worrying, hoping....and being depressed. My eyes and mind are so focused on my longing for a child it has affected so much of my life that I did not even notice. Slowly I have been turning this around, I have been making time for ME. Last year went by in a blur....and then this started with no plan and finally there is a plan, and it is GOD centered.

It came to my spirit in June to find ways to unblock my tubes....life can be weird like that
So much time spent trying to find either trial IVF or low cost IVF but not to find ways to heal my body. Why didn't this come to me at 25 or 30 why now? For anyone reading this that have been diagnosed with blocked tubes, try to exhaust ALL possible NATURAL routes before surgery of any kind. Wish I knew then what I know now.....oh well...here we are...so I use what I now know and work on it.

Anyway I happened upon a group of women on Baby-center who just like me had blocked tubes, took natural / holistic products and not only did they unblock their tubes, they became pregnant.I felt completely lead to that thread and for the last 2 months I have been taking Serrapeptase and doing Castor Oil Pack massages. I am careful not to put my trust into the things I am learning, because GOD is our healer. So I pray for guidance as I venture on my way with these natural elements.

 I will give more details in another post but for now this is the new path because