I'm Still Here

I'm still here, still around just nervous to start the journey again...

I do feel defeated and with each birthday I am in the grips of panic as I hear my biological clock tick tock. 

Where are we now in the process? Still the same as where I left it both

March 2012 & November 2013...... here with 2 unsuccessful attempts, and scared, with a longing heart. 

We are flooded now more than  ever on the nagging freaking question I have come to despise 

"When are you guys going to have kids?"  

In the midst of things several of our friends have had babies... through the use of IUI but while I know life goes on WOW there have been so many new family additions and we are still left childless and the couple without a kid..

For the most part I keep my self busy so Infertility will no longer consume my thoughts.

The other day my BFF of 12-13 years said something so absolutely stupid to me that I am still pissed, and  I wanted to punch her in the throat.

It was a good thing she was over the phone- she suggested I allow my husband to have an affair so their is an outside child. I didn't hang up on her instead after a minute of awkward silence I asked "would you?" and to that she didn't answer but I said-No Thanks

I love her but that line from her actually changed the way I see her now, do you think 

me so desperate to do that? It's probably one of the most insensitive things she could have said......some space is necessary.

Currently I am browsing Waiting Miracles for embryo adoption, I had made up my mind that even if we cannot do another cycle the next step is Embryo Adoption. I may even join a forum for people that are considering donating their excess embryos and have completed their families, as long as there are options, there is hope.

For anyone else that is still waiting for your miracle, don't give up hope.