It's hum drum

I am happily counting the days down until Oct 4th, (next friday) when I go in and get some news..since I haven't started I do not have much to say here or to document. It's pretty Blah, hum drum around here.

MEDS
I did want to update that the person that was supposed to sell me the Menopur that I wrote about last week, did not. (Sigh) Oh well, DH said well just buy it from Freedom and call it a day or try 1 more time. Today I found someone in my state that had a cancelled cycle with just about all the meds I need. It sucks to have a cancelled cycle, but it could be due to great surprises, anyway she is shipping the menopur fingers crossed tommorrow and it will be about $400 for 3 boxes which includes shipping and the COD fee.
The nurse confirmed that she sent my prescription to Freedom Fertility yesterday 9-23 and I can say at this time I have not heard from them yet. I plan to call either later today or tommorrow. I have heard mostly good things about them but there are some not so good stories. Since we are paying out of pocket we will order as we go. Risky...? YES but at the same time it won't leave us completely at too much of a loss since they ship for free overnight. I hope I am not playing too much with fire but dropping too much on meds I will not use is NOT appealing either and running out will of course send me in a panic. I pray it will all work out and if necessary and I need to order at the drop of a hat then there are no worries, besides the clinic may have a sample stash they can help out with.

The ones we won't order until Day 1 (Oct 11) will be Endometrin and Progesterone in Oil. Why? For 1. I  need to know why are we ordering both since they do the same thing. In oil is $35 per vial roughly several days shots and the Endometrin is quoted at $400 plus for 63 pills ( vaginal insertion). I will happily get the one in my butt and deal with the lumps and not leaky mess ( sorry TMI). Here's another kicker if the prescription for Endometrin is called in from a Specialty Pharmacy it is $400 plus BUT when I quoted it online for Walgreens / CVS my insurance will cover and my co-pay would be $40....Don't you just love the insurance companies. (rolling my eyes)
I won't know what this is all about until I see the RE next week. In the meantime will order majority of the meds when I get the call from Freedom, sit tight, and wait to get this whole ordeal going.

BCP-I still hate them, my boobs have grown and I am moody and cannot sleep.

BCP

I HATE BCP's ( Birth Control Pills)...I absolutely hate the way they make me feel. Just absolutely disgusting and YAY me for being on them for another 3 weeks. ( rolling eyes)
On a brighter note-I  had a fabulous weekend, complete with hanging out and enjoying seafood. I admit I am tired of the isolation this whole experience causes....you are either thinking of becoming pregnant, cycling, waiting to cycle, or getting over a cycle. Infertility sucks.
The silver lining is that I was able to score 3 boxes of Menopur for the price of 1 from a previous cycler. I still plan to buy 1 box from Freedom though. My prescription is for 10 vials and I "plan" to get 20 vials to prepare, the worse case scenario is that I will not need as much but let's be realistic...even when I did mini-ivf the birth control pills I took for 2 weeks quieted it down my system too MUCH so I had to up the menopur dosage, it didn't help much but I am going to this a little better prepared.
On my script between this and th Gonal-F these are the bigger ticket items. My rationale is that I can always get the trigger the week I start stims...as well as the progesterone. It would be ideal to have ALL meds prior to cycling but realistically when paying Out of Pocket, this is extremely difficult but God's willing it will happen.
I am still at a standstill with the 7 pound weight loss but the good thing I feel healhier and enjoy power walking / jogging. 

The Ball is Rolling....well somewhat !

So the ball is sort of rolling which is a GREAT thing and so now I am documenting in the event I loose this loose piece of paper noted from the Nurse.

CD 1 9/6
CD 2 9/7-Started BCP ( Birth Control Pills)
CD 5-Nurse calls to advise me the game plan for the upcoming cycle and that she already called in my prescription......wait WHAT? I am paying out of pocket and need to be savy and price shop, my insurance covers NOTHING but thank goodness we do have the 75% from the compassionate program for Gonal F, Certrocide ( am sure this is spelt wrong oh well) & Ovidrel.

Anyway continue taking BCP until  10/4th which I am NOT happy about but at the same time whatever it is what it is.

Oct 4th- at 2:30 pm Baseline, Med Instructions, etc expect to be there for a few hours per nurse so not able to return to work
Oct 7th-Stop BCP
Oct 11th-Start Stims.

So that is the plan in a nutshell.  I am not a fan of the BCP's so far and remember being on them for a short time with the Mini Ivf in 2011, I was told that they shut down my system too well, we shall see... Ball is rolling and I am happy....

What the what?

So let me start by recapping my day yesterday

Thursday 9/5/13
I have been SUPER Cranky. I called the RE's office, annoyed as there is still no AF, then I was advised to do bloodwork the next day, and then ultrasound on 9/9. It is a step in the right direction but I was very irritated. I told my husband I didn't like what the nurse was implying, I mean they did say they would give me provera to get  my cycle going and I had to suggest perhaps the doctor should do an Ultrasound since I am concerned. I don't know, just didn't like the overall feeling of the phone conversation. My cycles have been missing since the Lap, DH told me not to worry and it will all work out. I said a prayer, remained grumpy but decided to leave it in God's hands and told DH, nothing before it's time I guess.

Which brings me to today
Quest Diagnostic @ 7am and did the bloodwork, on way to work felt slight cramps, thought hey those feel like AF could this be real....turned up the radio sang to work and forgot about it. Got to desk, started day then major cramps, what? go to restroom and there she is,  Aunt Flow.
It has been light all day but the cramps are the worse I can remember....I suppose my body took its own time to heal and now here she is. I jumped for joy in the rest room, and high fived the air. I was so ecstatic I called the clinic and told the nurse and she said, "you know funny thing the head nurse said yesterday I bet her cycle starts on friday....anyway she said start your birth control pills tommorrow cycle day 2, I have an IVF meeting with the doctor on tuesday and then I will get back to you with the rest of the protocol and meds....She also said I may be on bcp for only a week".....
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
I mean I guess I am in shock that this could possibly go so fast, then I question is my body completely healed? Why wasn't a game plan already in place? I have mixed feelings but I have ZERO control over the cycle, you see this is the price you pay for winning a free cycle, you feel like you just have to go along. I am sure him doing all he can to get me pregnant will only do good for his sart numbers, but at the same time besides that he gains NOTHING from my cycle, well no compensation, so I wonder if he will truly do his all to get us to our goal. I am remaining positive though, because at the end of the day I can "choose" to think positive and do what I can for my self...

On the weight front, it took me 4 weeks to loose 7 pounds,  I am borderline pissed off I run every day utilizing the couch to 5k. It is awesome if you are a beginner as I am, I love the way I fee after. While the scale is hardly moving, I feel lighter and my clothes are looser so that is my motivation....Since it seems I am in full swing I should be blogging more....lets see what tommorrow brings...lets see what this whole cycle brings.

Hindsight is 20/20

Hindsight is 20/20

Nothing new to report, absolutely nothing going on at all. I am just shooting the breeze and kicking rocks waiting for this to start, the anticipation is actually driving me nuts.

I am also having anxiety attacks about me starting a new job very recently ( 3 weeks) through this, DH was not really on board but it is much closer to home and it will come with new responsibilities, and here lies the issues for DH, rightly so by the way. I know, I know what the heck was I thinking or wasn’t thinking?

His concerns are valid and the top 2

• Point 1-Such as me being new and having to take time out for appointments.

Granted this is true BUT, I did state upon being hired that I had some pre-standing/ obligations and appointments that will take place Sept/October and I was told they are fine, now what happens as they start to play out is a whole other story.

• Point 2-In the event we are successful you will not have vested time in for FMLA.

Again he is right but he mentioned this part after I started…so if he had mentioned it prior I would have second guessed my decision so now yeah I am worried BUT let’s cross that bridge when we get there shall we.

 

This whole thing already makes me crazy so not in the mood to add another thing to the mix, whatever will be will be. I would HATE to loose this opportunity but would hate to NOT be a mother too, so being a mother wins. I can always find another job…

What's been up?

I have been quiet lately because it appears blogger hates me .....I just give up trying to post when its acting up.


Anyway on to more interesting things. I tested on friday (Doctors orders) to see if I was pregnant because you guessed it, still NO freaking AF. Well the nurse called me yesterday and of course NOT PREGNANT........gee what a shocker.

The good news according to my blood work, I will be ovulating soon and AF "should" be here soon and she did state the doctor is ready to cycle me. I am not sure how to feel...on one hand I am excited but on the next....where the hell is AF. All this happened AFTER me doing the lap in July and him saying he "fixed" a septate I didn't even know existed. I asked her what happens if in a week nothing and she said at that time I can take the Provera....again I still want to know where the hell is AF. For now I guess I will take their word for it and await the arrival and get this show on the road. I have my birth control pills here ready and waiting.

Let's see what else?............ I have been taking CO-Q1O Ubiquinol 100 mg twice a day ( 2 pills in the morning and 2 pills at lunch), so far the side effects for me is broken sleep but lots of energy during the day and I am very alert with work, no dragging feeling. On another note- I gained weight when I should have been loosing so 3 weeks ago I started couch to 5k to get my rotund butt in shape. So far I go running almost everyother morning on this plan, am down 5-6 pounds, I didn't want to obsess but I do feel better, some days I truly have to push myself but I know IVF will pack on some pounds so trying to get as much off as I can before the cycle starts. Hey a girl can only hope right..?

Good News & Bad News

Bad News-Aunt Flow is not here

Dear body,
You bitch, all I need from you is to cooperate so I can get on with cycling but alas you just need to be a selfish diva....what exactly is the hold up? Do u enjoy torturing us with what if thoughts....?
Genesis

Good News
We got accepted into the compassionate care program and our IVF meds will be covered 75%. YAY........truthfully I was aiming for 100% but I am thankful we got approved and will get some assistance. We are thrilled...so IVF to start soon√...IVF meds√...Period ?...who the hell knows perhaps she went on vacation, lovely.

I plan to post a tab with the compassionate care info later, this program is for self paying IVF patients to get some relief from the high cost of IVF meds. DH is not on board with provera but I certainly am..the sooner it comes, the sooner we cycle. Am I surprised?.....not really, I am convinced Infertility is torture and the unpredictable up and downs just some more hell.

Side Note-uuhhhmmmmmm my DH is completely in love with the idea of triplets or quads. While I am fond of reading stories of multiples and think it `may` be great, truth is HELL NO....that is all. :-)

Missing

AF (aunt flow) is missing....I am never "this" late....and nooooooooooooooo I am not pregnant, what I am is really concerned that this will delay us more. On monday I plan to contact the clinic and hopefully get prescribed provera to bring her on if she isn't here....this  is so frustating...:(

CD 38

It's cycle day 38 and aunt flow isnt here....naturally I am pissed.

Dear body,
This isn't damn funny bleed right freaking now.
Genesis

Thumbs Up & Meds

I have been trying to update this post for 4 days arrrgghhh, seriously considering wordpress. Also I cannot respond to comments but will as soon as I can to a kind message I recently received. :-)

Anyway using my tablet so ignore any and all typos and the errors :-)

My Dr's. Appt on 7/29 went well. YAY we cycle with my August period however July 's period isn't here yet motherfreaking great...and it's 8/1. If you have done IVF before you already know aunt flow does this all the time, never shows when she should but does when we don't want her. My cycles are 30-35 days in length and today is CD 35. I am excited but will not get a calender until my period starts, we still have no clue what meds will be used....I really want to know NOW, mainly because insurance does not cover meds, I want to price them out now, possibly get donated meds from the clinic or previous cyclers, and get unopened, unexpired meds from anyone willing to sell to me to keep cost low. I also will be submitting an application for free meds through the care program, the clinic gave me the info. At the end we will be smart and run everything by the doctor, we have an awesome nurse that is sympathetic to the costs associated. It's not that it was expected but a few posts prior I mentioned that with life even the best laid plans have HUGE bumps in the road. We have had to deal with some mindfields in the last few months...Anyway onward we go YAY.......

Dear body,
Please bleed today its CD 35 for goodness sake.

Thank you
Genesis

Enough Said