7weeks 1 day

**Warning Rambling Whiny Post**

I haven't been blogging like I thought I would about the progress of my pregnancy. Most of it has to do with this STUPID spotting that won't seem to go away and driving me crazy. Leave Me Alone!


The Events
Fathers Day I went to the grocery store, didn't pick up anything heavy and had hubby come to the car to get the groceries. I was home not doing much then went to Ross Stores., walked around got a few things in a cart...when I got back home there was wetness between my legs and you guessed it, Blood. I.WAS.NOT.HAPPY. Slight internal meltdown ensued but for the most part it is dark or brown and mainly only when I wipe so I wasn't in full on freak out mode.

Why is this happening to me? Everything I have read said it could be normal or it could be.....the M word. I have been praying and honestly I am not as afraid as I was the very first time it happened at 6 weeks. I did not go to the ER and unless there is blood gushing out of me I will not return to the ER. I feel like I was there for hours and still wasn't  told anything and given more anxiety for my time there. I meant they told me there was no baby, yes they said no baby....however 4 days later at the R/E not only was there a baby, there was a heartbeat....so I am not wasting time going there unless I think it is absolutely necessary. At this point I might even fight the hospital bill, I  don't think they did anything really to get paid for.

Anyway I have another Ultrasound tomorrow which will be my last local monitoring. The R/E from NY was planning to release me last week at 6 weeks 4 days but I was not ready. Anyway initially the scan would have been on 7 weeks 4 days but with this new spotting episode it is necessary to see things sooner. I am not anxious now but I am sure as the time gets closer tomorrow I will be a mess.
The worse thing of it all is that I won't see the doctor until 2 pm. Hopefully they can tell me why this is happening. Last week they thought they saw a degenerative fibroid, their words. The problem? I have never had fibroids, ever,  so not sure I can put much trust into that statement but they are the professionals.

I did book in with an OB for 6/27 at which time I will be 8 weeks 1 day. I am not so sure how I feel about this practice especially since the person making the appointment asked me to bring in proof I am pregnant...."Say what now?" Isn't this something they would do at their office? I will bring ultrasound pictures but plan to definitely ask them these things, seems silly to ask someone to do that. Are people calling and pretending to be pregnant coming to that office? Geez.

On a Side Note- I had to tell my boss. I had NO desire to tell anyone this soon much more my boss but I had no choice. I am going to appointments every single week. She congratulated me and said she suspected as much......hmmmm... Anyway onward and upward,  less than 24 hours to go until I get to see my little one. I have faith all is well, there is growth, heartbeat and there will be cause for this wretched spotting/bleeding episode.

Beating Heart

Today I am 6 weeks & 4 days pregnant.

I got my blood drawn and it was off to the ultrasound room where I got undressed and ready.  I hopped on the table praying to see a flutter.  The dildo cam was inserted and my pringle popped right up.  The empty sac from last week & this past Monday @ 6 weeks now had a fetal pole and a HEARTBEAT fluttering away! There was in fact a little one growing tight against the side of the gestational sac (they don’t do measurements because it will heat up the embryo) but the heart beat was there, and awesome and as always I stared at the screen in disbelief with tears in my eyes.  I am surprised that I did not cry, I did fight back tears.

As for me I was weighed and I am now 214 pounds…shit. I gained 6 pounds in a month. NOOOOOOOO I was already heavy prior to IVF at 194 in FEBRUARY, so 20 pounds is not good within 3 months. I will have to walk on my treadmill beginning today and start to watch what I put in my mouth. The thing is I have NO food aversions and I am hungry all the time. Snacks will have to consist of healthy fruits and veggies.

Official Symptoms:

• I have nausea I think…is it nausea when after eating you feel like you “might’ throw up?
• I have Dysgeusia. Dysgeusia is actually a fairly common symptom of pregnancy that generally occurs during the first trimester. It is the medical term referring to the change in your taste buds, specifically the feeling of a metallic or sour taste while pregnant. It tends to be present even if you aren’t currently eating. It sucks…your food is gross after you eat. YUCK.
• Hunger! I am hungry. Like I mentioned I have no aversions & I am hungry nearly all the time. I will feel starved, but then I will just eat a few bites and feel full - sometimes. Sometimes, I am so freaking hungry I will eat like I'm in a competition.
• Sore breasts – Off & On.
• Sleepiness- Not too bad but yes I am in bed at 7 and out like a light 30 minutes later.
• Bloated. I have the pregnancy bloat. My stomach is gross. Gas. It has to be said. And I know, I know...TMI. But seriously, I have it...bad.
• Cramping and spotting. I have off and on cramping but the tech pointed out Gas pockets in my stomach which explains all of that. I haven’t had any additional spotting since Monday whem I went to the ER.

More Waiting and Missed Appointment

Today I scheduled at Quest to do TSH blood work and I forgot or maybe a part of me just didn't want to. I really need to get this done so I will have to get up extra early and go without one tomorrow bright and early at 7:00 am.

The clinic likes to monitor this number in the event that I need to get medicated. I have also decided to not do anymore Endometrin inserts since the bleed. I upped the PIO to 2CC instead, my decision I haven't told the clinic yet but I plan to.

My head has been filled with thoughts about Monday's ultrasound and I am doing my best to block out the noise and negative thinking. I have read & while yes lots of people did see a fetal pole at this stage ( 6 weeks) there are many that did not but went on to have healthy pregnancies because it was seen either days or a weeks later.

The current focus is to work on my spiritual fitness, faith and so right now I am prayerfully claiming the below,

HCG Beta Over 75K & also seeing my baby with a heartbeat

 

 

Ultimately this is all in God's hands and his will be done.

So here I wait until Friday......

Lost in Limbo & Pain

 

So yesterday made 6 weeks, and I was unfortunately greeted with blood when I wiped at the end of the day in the office, cue internal meltdown. Since I was on my way home from work, I quickly gathered my things and went straight to my car where I called my husband and screamed to him "I'm bleeding".

 I could not concentrate on the road but was home in no time. I was there for no more than 30 minutes before I decided to call the clinic and they advised me to head to the Emergency Room.

After 3 1/2 hours I didn't get any further to knowing why I am bleeding and if this is a viable pregnancy. They saw  only seeing a gestational sac and yolk sack. I was told my diagnosis is threatened miscarriage which is devastating. I have been praying so hard, trying to stay positive , but broke down and cried this morning.  Here I am at work which I wish I didn't have to be, but I have no choice and no time.

My next consult is Friday 6/16th  for more blood work & ultrasound, I am praying for a miracle. At this time I should have seen a fetal pole...why is this happening to us?

 

My God, My God, where are you ? We need you.

5w4days Ultrasound Anxiety

**Will upload Ultrasound Pic Later**

 



Can I just say that I am in agreement with most clinics for NOT doing too early ultrasounds.

I did one today at 5 weeks 4 days and the stress it is causing me is so not worth it.

Before we began the ultrasound tech & the doctor tried to tell me do not freak out if we see nothing, this is just to see placement they kept saying.

 

You know what I saw.....NOTHING and freaked out, absolutely what they told me not to do.

Truth be told I did see the gestational sac and the tech had to zoom to show me the YOLK sac which I honestly still didn't see until I was outside holding up the picture. This worries me to no end. Now I find myself comparing with other women on the forum's pictures & Google.

 

Symptoms- NONE which makes all this that much worse.

 

I only had 2 Betas done and I did not push the issue for more, I hate blood work so naturally I was happy to not have to but in hindsight I should have done more to check progress.

 

The stress started before the scan though, I went to the clinic I typically do close to my house only to find they wouldn't do the ultrasound without a doctor and he is available at the other clinic north which was 30 minutes away. I was slightly annoyed but wanted to see so I went. It was over and done with fairly quickly and the tech was really nice.

 

Remember we transferred 2 embryos the 4BB & 3BB, well there is only 1 sac and I am actually sad about that, I wanted both. It's not that I wanted the twin novelty but more so I would not have to ever go through this process again. For right now I am still keeping faith for my little fighter in my tummy and hope the other will show up out of nowhere next week, stranger things have happened.

 

 

 

18dp5dt or 5w2days

Symptoms- NONE
Anxiety- Yes

The lack of symptoms  has me slightly worried. I am trying to stay occupied but honestly I do partial work at my desk and the other time I am logged on to Google trying to compare myself with others. I am having regrets for not demanding another beta, but then again what would that prove? If it went up I would be happy but worry, if it didn't I would worry, if it went down I would worry so the ultrasound for placement is best and Friday can't get here soon enough.

2 more sleeps until Ultrasound.

One thing I need to remember & was reminder after reading  the blog linked below,  "God is Faithful." I came across a blog here & the writer not only has an understanding of how I am feeling, but has scriptures to help me through it.  It's almost like it was written just for me, and I am so glad I found it.

The prayer dedication in my post I copied below but please go to the link and check out the full entry if like me you are newly pregnant and have fears.

Dear Lord,
 

I declare that you are the author and giver of life. Your Word says that all things have been created by and for you. You are before all things, and in you all things hold together. Today I ask that the spirit of life me on me and in me, providing everything this baby and my body need to bring forth life to the glory of God. I stand on the goodness and faithfulness of you, Lord, that will bless us with this healthy and whole child. May my life and theirs bring glory and honor to you.

 

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

I also came across the below!

 

16dp5dt & 2nd Beta Results

 

Every time doubt starts to creep in I start to pray, every time I read something that will make me worry I pray and move on from it. I am trying my hardest to not spend too much time on social media but I admit, I  have hash tagged like crazy to see others journey for exactly where I am in this process on Instagram. I love going through the moments with them and then the watching their journey unfold. I cannot wait to do the same.

 

I also have been browsing maternity clothes at Mothercare ( UK store), Pink Blush Maternity and Peas in Pond online. I am trying not to put the cart before the horse, I did that before and, well that was the past and I won't even get into it.

 

My Current Feelings- Happy, I am genuinely happy but naturally a little cautious.

Today at 16dp5dt I feel good so far (O it is 9:00 am and I am at work ). I have been feeling some cramps but after reading up  online it is normal especially since I have nothing else with the cramps. I am considering another round of Acupuncture this week but honestly I would rather throw that money towards paying down my credit card bill.

 

Surprisingly, Quest got the results to the Doctor on Friday 6/2/2017, albeit at the very end of the day but they did. I called the clinic at around 4:15 because I was super anxious for the results which are......


BETA #2 1314
E2   882
P4   50.6
TSH- Missing Quest unable to do STAT, will take a few more days.

Doubling Time (Hours): 32.65
I used this calculator http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/beta_doubling_calculator.php


My next appoint is this coming Friday on 6/9th. They basically want the same blood work including ultrasound this time. Praying hard for a wonderful outcome.

13p5dT & Lessons Not Learned

 

Yesterday was 12dp5dt from my FET ( frozen embryo transfer) and I felt maybe some twinges or maybe I think I did, this whole thing is just a rollercoaster of being positive and then feeling scared. Lots of ups and downs which makes me crazy. Right now work isn't as busy which is why I have so much time to sit and think about what may or may not be going on in there. I think I will try to throw myself in a lot of projects to take my mind off things.

Today it's only 8:20 am on 13dp5dt and I have zero symptoms. Nothing....Nada....Zilch. I was in the shower trying to will my boobs to be sore but no luck. I am trying not to use the last test under the sink or buy anymore but I am getting antsy and really anxious.

Actually I have had lower back and tailbone pain for most of the week, nothing so far today. After checking doctor Google it's not a good thing to have so no more Google consulting.

 

So let's talk about the lesson I didn't learn, I went in to Quest for blood work this morning.

Remember 3 days ago I was going out of my  mind upset because they are incompetent with STAT requests, but this morning I went because I had to anyway.

 

 I set up the blood work with the R/E this morning originally but it would have been at 9:00 am. On the blood orders they want to see TSH results...for some odd stupid reason the R/E's office will not do TSH testing. I asked the clinic to send me separate orders the day before with the idea that I would do TSH at Quest & then the others at the clinic. Here are the logistics, The R/E's office is in a medical center to the Hospital ( the one I plan to deliver-see that I am thinking positive), various treatments centers and a Quest Center. I decided why not get up early and get into Quest at 7. I was the only one there and then I thought why hang out for 2 hours for the other 3 tests when I can just have them do all. It made no sense to be stuck twice so I bit the bullet and gave Quest another try. I think I asked the Phlebotomist several times to confirm they will be handled STAT.

**Sigh**I told myself this time that I made the decision to use Quest and I will not be upset if results are received late. It would be totally on me and I will have to deal with it.

 

Let's see what happen !!

 

Beta Results

** I don't really have any active followers or constant readers but if you stumbled upon this blog and going through a tough time today with Infertility perhaps you may want to skip this post.**


So after my rant yesterday and going nuts which probably sent  my blood pressure through the roof, I received a call from my favorite nurse at approximately 4:30 pm ( the clinic closes at 4:00) to tell me the news. I still have not met her but I hope I do one day she is always so prompt and helpful even when I ask the craziest questions. Anyway the call was from the main number in Syracuse which I didn't recognize, luckily I answered. Anyway she started by  asking me how I was doing and toyed with me with a low voice...I said I am fine with heart beating and dreading the worse then...she said "Well good you are pregnant". I was squealing with joy and I kept saying really. ( I walked out the office once I realized it was the clinic calling). Tears welled up but I wouldn't let them fall. I saw the line on Sunday but it is nothing like hearing the words.

Beta 285

I then asked what Beta was and she said we want to see 50 and you came in at 285. Praise God. I kept telling myself I am claiming a number over 200 and my prayers were answered. Obviously I have a long, long way to go but for now and my Progesterone went down slightly from 57.5 last week to 52. This makes sense considering how many times I have forgotten to insert the Endometrin ( I forgot again last night). Anyway I am pregnant, we did it. One obstacle overcome and many more to go.

Symptoms- Hungry but I am greedy so totally not a symptom. I think sore boobs but probably making this up also, cramps but those are......you guessed it GAS. I am feeling pains in my sides around my ovary but I am holding out hope that my baby/babies attached to my uterus.

Repeat Beta testing is scheduled for 6/3 which is odd since I thought it would be in 2 days which would be tomorrow 6/2. I am not complaining for 3 days to give blood since I hate it. This time I want to see over 800 but I will take much higher.

So Pissed Off

**Rant**
Despite going into Quest at 7:45 am this morning, I called and they just received the blood work for processing at 1:45 this afternoon, then the customer service rep told me STAT results are 24 hours. I went livid on the phone.  STAT has never been 24 hours, last week when I called the other rep told me it would be 6 hours it is like they cannot keep their stories straight with their incompetence. The only reason I do not go into the R/E is due to having to do Copays and missing time out of work but screw it I am so over this. I can go in there do it at 8:00 and the clinic has it by 2:30.  I am not going into another center for blood work unless I have to. I  am calling the R/E to try to get in to do Beta on Friday. This is absolutely freaking ridiculous. I am trying to calm down but this is so repetitive with them that I am done. I pray the R/E can get me in on Thursday am over Quest and not going to dare try Labcorp. I will pay the co-pay for reliability.

**End Rant**

Update- Just like that the R/E will see me at 8:30 on 6/1 which is my second Beta. I am confident all will work out despite the blimps in the road. I am done with going into the Quest Centers unless I absolutely have to.

10p5dt & Blood Draw

Memorial Day- I salute our troops, they do so much for our country and on 5/29/2017 we honor and remember the fallen ones. It irks me that people only think of BBQ's and the beach on this day. I am not saying these aren't fun things to do with the family but it is more than that.

My BFF's brother is in the military and he is like a brother to me as well so this day means so much. I get just as anxious as they do when they don't hear from him and worry since he is stationed in Europe at the moment. He has lost friends along the way and I think people forget the sacrifices the military troops are  making for our freedom in the US.



 

*************************

 

Yesterday was Memorial Day & it was uneventful for me.....besides leaving the house to briefly shop at the Express Outlet, I basically vegged the whole day & it was glorious.

My appointment for blood work with Quest today was at 7:45 am. I was there at 7:05  & proudly
second in line....it didn't matter they literally called me back at exactly 7:45 ( my allotted appointment time, which I am glad I did since it was so packed after 5 more minutes but dang couldn't you have drawn my blood and sent me on my way? I was a few minutes late for work but no one noticed.

Note to self regarding Quest Diagnostic -there is no point in going before your appointment, they don't care. I was not suggesting they skip anyone for me just actually you know,worked. The techs both had long mad faces and were moving sooooooooooooooo  freaking sloooowwwwwwwwwww!!
Why do people take service related jobs without having service attitudes? It boggles the mind. Also s a side note, they suck at getting the results to the doctor on time..... I am prepared to wait until the morning for my results because they suck. I will still call them around 3 and ask them about the status.

How do I feel?- like I am going crazy, asking myself did I see a line on Sunday....what if I was wrong...etc. I had lots of cramps yesterday, some woke me up out of my sleep. My husband being the sweetheart said...uhmmm "are you sure it isn't gas cramps?" Well........ahem If I were a betting woman I think they are.

Symptoms?-  Is feeling hot one of them ? Because I feel like I am cold one minute then hot the next. Heart palpitations, headache, loosing my mind, hungry ( this is not a symptoms I am greedy most days), weird taste in mouth or lack of taste in mouth? Pulling in there making me wonder if they are in tubes....Dear God please let them not be in my tubes.

I am also on a lot of medications so any and everything could be a sign of any one of them. I am still pretty positive because that is my choice at the moment. Come on time......let's see what this Beta number will be....... I am looking for anything over 200 at this point.