18dp5dt or 5w2days

Symptoms- NONE
Anxiety- Yes

The lack of symptoms  has me slightly worried. I am trying to stay occupied but honestly I do partial work at my desk and the other time I am logged on to Google trying to compare myself with others. I am having regrets for not demanding another beta, but then again what would that prove? If it went up I would be happy but worry, if it didn't I would worry, if it went down I would worry so the ultrasound for placement is best and Friday can't get here soon enough.

2 more sleeps until Ultrasound.

One thing I need to remember & was reminder after reading  the blog linked below,  "God is Faithful." I came across a blog here & the writer not only has an understanding of how I am feeling, but has scriptures to help me through it.  It's almost like it was written just for me, and I am so glad I found it.

The prayer dedication in my post I copied below but please go to the link and check out the full entry if like me you are newly pregnant and have fears.

Dear Lord,
 

I declare that you are the author and giver of life. Your Word says that all things have been created by and for you. You are before all things, and in you all things hold together. Today I ask that the spirit of life me on me and in me, providing everything this baby and my body need to bring forth life to the glory of God. I stand on the goodness and faithfulness of you, Lord, that will bless us with this healthy and whole child. May my life and theirs bring glory and honor to you.

 

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

I also came across the below!

 

16dp5dt & 2nd Beta Results

 

Every time doubt starts to creep in I start to pray, every time I read something that will make me worry I pray and move on from it. I am trying my hardest to not spend too much time on social media but I admit, I  have hash tagged like crazy to see others journey for exactly where I am in this process on Instagram. I love going through the moments with them and then the watching their journey unfold. I cannot wait to do the same.

 

I also have been browsing maternity clothes at Mothercare ( UK store), Pink Blush Maternity and Peas in Pond online. I am trying not to put the cart before the horse, I did that before and, well that was the past and I won't even get into it.

 

My Current Feelings- Happy, I am genuinely happy but naturally a little cautious.

Today at 16dp5dt I feel good so far (O it is 9:00 am and I am at work ). I have been feeling some cramps but after reading up  online it is normal especially since I have nothing else with the cramps. I am considering another round of Acupuncture this week but honestly I would rather throw that money towards paying down my credit card bill.

 

Surprisingly, Quest got the results to the Doctor on Friday 6/2/2017, albeit at the very end of the day but they did. I called the clinic at around 4:15 because I was super anxious for the results which are......


BETA #2 1314
E2   882
P4   50.6
TSH- Missing Quest unable to do STAT, will take a few more days.

Doubling Time (Hours): 32.65
I used this calculator http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/beta_doubling_calculator.php


My next appoint is this coming Friday on 6/9th. They basically want the same blood work including ultrasound this time. Praying hard for a wonderful outcome.

13p5dT & Lessons Not Learned

 

Yesterday was 12dp5dt from my FET ( frozen embryo transfer) and I felt maybe some twinges or maybe I think I did, this whole thing is just a rollercoaster of being positive and then feeling scared. Lots of ups and downs which makes me crazy. Right now work isn't as busy which is why I have so much time to sit and think about what may or may not be going on in there. I think I will try to throw myself in a lot of projects to take my mind off things.

Today it's only 8:20 am on 13dp5dt and I have zero symptoms. Nothing....Nada....Zilch. I was in the shower trying to will my boobs to be sore but no luck. I am trying not to use the last test under the sink or buy anymore but I am getting antsy and really anxious.

Actually I have had lower back and tailbone pain for most of the week, nothing so far today. After checking doctor Google it's not a good thing to have so no more Google consulting.

 

So let's talk about the lesson I didn't learn, I went in to Quest for blood work this morning.

Remember 3 days ago I was going out of my  mind upset because they are incompetent with STAT requests, but this morning I went because I had to anyway.

 

 I set up the blood work with the R/E this morning originally but it would have been at 9:00 am. On the blood orders they want to see TSH results...for some odd stupid reason the R/E's office will not do TSH testing. I asked the clinic to send me separate orders the day before with the idea that I would do TSH at Quest & then the others at the clinic. Here are the logistics, The R/E's office is in a medical center to the Hospital ( the one I plan to deliver-see that I am thinking positive), various treatments centers and a Quest Center. I decided why not get up early and get into Quest at 7. I was the only one there and then I thought why hang out for 2 hours for the other 3 tests when I can just have them do all. It made no sense to be stuck twice so I bit the bullet and gave Quest another try. I think I asked the Phlebotomist several times to confirm they will be handled STAT.

**Sigh**I told myself this time that I made the decision to use Quest and I will not be upset if results are received late. It would be totally on me and I will have to deal with it.

 

Let's see what happen !!

 

Beta Results

** I don't really have any active followers or constant readers but if you stumbled upon this blog and going through a tough time today with Infertility perhaps you may want to skip this post.**


So after my rant yesterday and going nuts which probably sent  my blood pressure through the roof, I received a call from my favorite nurse at approximately 4:30 pm ( the clinic closes at 4:00) to tell me the news. I still have not met her but I hope I do one day she is always so prompt and helpful even when I ask the craziest questions. Anyway the call was from the main number in Syracuse which I didn't recognize, luckily I answered. Anyway she started by  asking me how I was doing and toyed with me with a low voice...I said I am fine with heart beating and dreading the worse then...she said "Well good you are pregnant". I was squealing with joy and I kept saying really. ( I walked out the office once I realized it was the clinic calling). Tears welled up but I wouldn't let them fall. I saw the line on Sunday but it is nothing like hearing the words.

Beta 285

I then asked what Beta was and she said we want to see 50 and you came in at 285. Praise God. I kept telling myself I am claiming a number over 200 and my prayers were answered. Obviously I have a long, long way to go but for now and my Progesterone went down slightly from 57.5 last week to 52. This makes sense considering how many times I have forgotten to insert the Endometrin ( I forgot again last night). Anyway I am pregnant, we did it. One obstacle overcome and many more to go.

Symptoms- Hungry but I am greedy so totally not a symptom. I think sore boobs but probably making this up also, cramps but those are......you guessed it GAS. I am feeling pains in my sides around my ovary but I am holding out hope that my baby/babies attached to my uterus.

Repeat Beta testing is scheduled for 6/3 which is odd since I thought it would be in 2 days which would be tomorrow 6/2. I am not complaining for 3 days to give blood since I hate it. This time I want to see over 800 but I will take much higher.

So Pissed Off

**Rant**
Despite going into Quest at 7:45 am this morning, I called and they just received the blood work for processing at 1:45 this afternoon, then the customer service rep told me STAT results are 24 hours. I went livid on the phone.  STAT has never been 24 hours, last week when I called the other rep told me it would be 6 hours it is like they cannot keep their stories straight with their incompetence. The only reason I do not go into the R/E is due to having to do Copays and missing time out of work but screw it I am so over this. I can go in there do it at 8:00 and the clinic has it by 2:30.  I am not going into another center for blood work unless I have to. I  am calling the R/E to try to get in to do Beta on Friday. This is absolutely freaking ridiculous. I am trying to calm down but this is so repetitive with them that I am done. I pray the R/E can get me in on Thursday am over Quest and not going to dare try Labcorp. I will pay the co-pay for reliability.

**End Rant**

Update- Just like that the R/E will see me at 8:30 on 6/1 which is my second Beta. I am confident all will work out despite the blimps in the road. I am done with going into the Quest Centers unless I absolutely have to.

10p5dt & Blood Draw

Memorial Day- I salute our troops, they do so much for our country and on 5/29/2017 we honor and remember the fallen ones. It irks me that people only think of BBQ's and the beach on this day. I am not saying these aren't fun things to do with the family but it is more than that.

My BFF's brother is in the military and he is like a brother to me as well so this day means so much. I get just as anxious as they do when they don't hear from him and worry since he is stationed in Europe at the moment. He has lost friends along the way and I think people forget the sacrifices the military troops are  making for our freedom in the US.



 

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Yesterday was Memorial Day & it was uneventful for me.....besides leaving the house to briefly shop at the Express Outlet, I basically vegged the whole day & it was glorious.

My appointment for blood work with Quest today was at 7:45 am. I was there at 7:05  & proudly
second in line....it didn't matter they literally called me back at exactly 7:45 ( my allotted appointment time, which I am glad I did since it was so packed after 5 more minutes but dang couldn't you have drawn my blood and sent me on my way? I was a few minutes late for work but no one noticed.

Note to self regarding Quest Diagnostic -there is no point in going before your appointment, they don't care. I was not suggesting they skip anyone for me just actually you know,worked. The techs both had long mad faces and were moving sooooooooooooooo  freaking sloooowwwwwwwwwww!!
Why do people take service related jobs without having service attitudes? It boggles the mind. Also s a side note, they suck at getting the results to the doctor on time..... I am prepared to wait until the morning for my results because they suck. I will still call them around 3 and ask them about the status.

How do I feel?- like I am going crazy, asking myself did I see a line on Sunday....what if I was wrong...etc. I had lots of cramps yesterday, some woke me up out of my sleep. My husband being the sweetheart said...uhmmm "are you sure it isn't gas cramps?" Well........ahem If I were a betting woman I think they are.

Symptoms?-  Is feeling hot one of them ? Because I feel like I am cold one minute then hot the next. Heart palpitations, headache, loosing my mind, hungry ( this is not a symptoms I am greedy most days), weird taste in mouth or lack of taste in mouth? Pulling in there making me wonder if they are in tubes....Dear God please let them not be in my tubes.

I am also on a lot of medications so any and everything could be a sign of any one of them. I am still pretty positive because that is my choice at the moment. Come on time......let's see what this Beta number will be....... I am looking for anything over 200 at this point.

8dptdt Wowza

It is currently 6:00 am and in 3 1/2 hours it will officially be 9dp5dt. I know, I know real specific.

Anyway let's start with at 1:00 am Sunday morning between 7 days post and a few hours to 8 days post (  it makes sense to me to count it based on my transfer time 9:38 am on 5/20). Anyway so I woke up realizing the Endometrin is on the night stand and not inserted at 8pm per usual. I drank some water....inserted, pulled it out and my faced dropped. BROWN freaking discharge. My brain screamed "Holy Shit Noooooooooooooooooooo" . Hubby was up watching TV so he looked over asked me what's wrong and I told him. I got up, went to pee, wiped and there was nothing on the TP so either I irritated my cervix or it just hasn't trickled down yet. Logic wasn't coming to me at 1:00 am, rather  fear was creeping in and I felt well there you have it. I dozed off and woke up still gripped in fear but tried to put it aside.
I did a quick Walmart run for breakfast items and got 2 of the cheapie (.88 cent) tests. I wasn't sure I was going to use it so I threw it under the sink. The day before I was walking around Target with hubby and he asked me if I was going to test and I said no....he asked because I walked down the test isle....on purpose...because I am a nut. Anyway so I got home cooked breakfast....and was feeling well "periody".

Truthfully I have felt periody all day Saturday and then Sunday basically periody as well too. Not major period cramps but sensations like my period is on the horizon. I prayed and tried my best to go about the day. We ate breakfast and vegged all day..... I seriously need to clean my house & dust.

Anyway I got up cooked dinner which we ate and watched a movie. So here it is Sunday officially 8dp5dt and the test began to summon me...lol. I went to the bathroom, closed the door and did it. Within 3 minutes the faintest line came up......I called hubby to look and he said no...then he said why did you test. I will post the 3 minute image here later on....and I said not sure couldn't wait. Anyway within 10 minutes it got darker and I left it there and it got even darker. He was cutting his hair and said hey babe it's darker. While he was stoic about it, so was I, this is what infertility does. We have had a positive in the past....we have had positive betas but we do not have our child so I understood his fear and need to be just as guarded as I am right now. But on the positive side... I AM PREGNANT. Personally I have never gotten a positive test when I was not positive, I do have another test I could take but I wont. Also I wanted to add that my urine was not held long. I have to pee all the time but I am drinking so much water so it is hard to hold it.

7dp5dt

Today is 7dp5dt (7 days post 5 day transfer).  I can't really believe that it has been a week since my transfer. Eek, last week at this very time ( 5:37 pm) I was in the hotel resting, watching Netflix after having my transfer and acupuncture earlier in the day.

Only 3 more days to my beta on Tuesday, it would have been Monday but due to the memorial day holiday the clinic will be closed.  A lot of people feel like the 2WW (2 week wait) to the pregnancy test is unbearable and they are right it kind of is.  Overall though for me it has been OK.  I have tried not to think too much about it which was difficult.   I'm feeling OK, not super optimistic, but also not defeated (yet).  My feelings have been flip flopping. One minute I am super excited and hopeful and the next due to the lack of symptoms I get nervous. Honestly, I feel kind of....... meh.  In a way, I want to get the beta ASAP so I can just find out what the result is.  On the other hand, I don't really want to know.

It has been so hard because I have experienced "embryo quality comparison" with everyone else's. It seems so many have at least gotten 1 embryo with an A letter and I did not. The picture we received of our babies ( Embabies)  also to me looks like they are still not expanded and still frozen. It sucks we didn't get any grade A embryos but I am very thankful for the ones we did get.

Grades were as follows:

1 4BB - transferred 5/20

1 4BC -frozen

1 3BB-trasferred 5/20

2 3BB-frozen

1 5CC- frozen ( this one was frozen on day 6)

The Facebook clinic support group has ladies that have had their lower grade embryos have turned out to be wonderful babies.  And sometimes even their best quality PGS/PGD tested embryos did not result in babies.  So I guess, I should not give up and remain positive.

6dp5dt-FET Nothing to Report

Quick Update-

I feel just about the same, nothing really to report. I am doing my best not to loose my faith in this cycle and it is hard. Everything I am feeling in my stomach is still all gas. I have a huge bruise due to the Lovenox. I was doing so well without them but I did the injection yesterday in a rush and put on my tight pants ( they use to be loose). The bruise is at the site where the waist was pulling at the injection site. It is terrible but I put ice on it and hopefully it will resolve soon. Typically if I do it slowly and wear loose fitting clothing no issues...so one huge purple bruise is currently my new beauty mark.

If you are not aware Lovenox (enoxaparin) is an anticoagulant that helps prevent the formation of blood clots. Lovenox is used to treat or prevent a type of blood clot called deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which can lead to blood clots in the lungs (pulmonary embolism).

Since I did a freeze-all cycle my Doctor recommended Intralipids and a blood thinner with my FET. I am all for doing anything that might help. Really I think one lesson I have embraced is get serious early and give it your all because you don't know what is next around the infertility bend.

Anyway I think my nipples were sore off and on but I may be imagining those things...same thing with the twinges I think I am feeling.
I cramped day 1-3 after transfer in 2013 and it was a big fat negative. I would prefer no cramps actually so not feeling them is fine with me.

The one time I was pregnant...... I felt incredibly bloated and peed every hour.....not this time so of course my mind goes negative.

I am not sure if I want to test Sunday or Monday, the torture is bad, seeing negative is bad, waiting to hear the answer sucks too... What can I say? Infertility Seriously Sucks.

5dp5dt FET

I did something stupid. I tested......it was negative and for a split second or two I was gutted.
I quickly tossed the stupid test in the trash and told myself I am still pregnant and nothing will say otherwise than the blood test. It definitely was not good seeing it. I used a test strip one of TTC ladies sent me when I bought Gonal-F. It is a UK brand but it didn't say how low it would pick up HCG. Anyway it was also 3rd morning urine or 4th I get up all night long to pee but regardless I don't think I will test again........well maybe..... unless I do it day before or day of beta.

On another note I saw my results from my lab work done yesterday on the patient portal, no calls from the nurses.

• My TSH was .47 on 5/20th and 1.27 on 5/24/17
• E2 was 167 5/20th and 678 on 5/24/2017
• Progesterone was 17.5 5/20th before transfer and 67.50

On the home front things are great, me and hubby apologized to each other and are back to our happy self. I have forgiven his harsh words or have I? No I think I need a Coach purse or something. Just kidding we are barely getting things in order plus I have a balance on the credit card that I barely made a dent on an apology expensive purse won't do it. A positive beta and my baby/babies will do though. He is human and he is under just as much stress and pressure, I suppose we women tend to own this journey and forget the men sometimes have feelings too. Anyway onward and upward on this ride. Prayerfully waiting for a positive line.