Beta Results

** I don't really have any active followers or constant readers but if you stumbled upon this blog and going through a tough time today with Infertility perhaps you may want to skip this post.**


So after my rant yesterday and going nuts which probably sent  my blood pressure through the roof, I received a call from my favorite nurse at approximately 4:30 pm ( the clinic closes at 4:00) to tell me the news. I still have not met her but I hope I do one day she is always so prompt and helpful even when I ask the craziest questions. Anyway the call was from the main number in Syracuse which I didn't recognize, luckily I answered. Anyway she started by  asking me how I was doing and toyed with me with a low voice...I said I am fine with heart beating and dreading the worse then...she said "Well good you are pregnant". I was squealing with joy and I kept saying really. ( I walked out the office once I realized it was the clinic calling). Tears welled up but I wouldn't let them fall. I saw the line on Sunday but it is nothing like hearing the words.

Beta 285

I then asked what Beta was and she said we want to see 50 and you came in at 285. Praise God. I kept telling myself I am claiming a number over 200 and my prayers were answered. Obviously I have a long, long way to go but for now and my Progesterone went down slightly from 57.5 last week to 52. This makes sense considering how many times I have forgotten to insert the Endometrin ( I forgot again last night). Anyway I am pregnant, we did it. One obstacle overcome and many more to go.

Symptoms- Hungry but I am greedy so totally not a symptom. I think sore boobs but probably making this up also, cramps but those are......you guessed it GAS. I am feeling pains in my sides around my ovary but I am holding out hope that my baby/babies attached to my uterus.

Repeat Beta testing is scheduled for 6/3 which is odd since I thought it would be in 2 days which would be tomorrow 6/2. I am not complaining for 3 days to give blood since I hate it. This time I want to see over 800 but I will take much higher.

So Pissed Off

**Rant**
Despite going into Quest at 7:45 am this morning, I called and they just received the blood work for processing at 1:45 this afternoon, then the customer service rep told me STAT results are 24 hours. I went livid on the phone.  STAT has never been 24 hours, last week when I called the other rep told me it would be 6 hours it is like they cannot keep their stories straight with their incompetence. The only reason I do not go into the R/E is due to having to do Copays and missing time out of work but screw it I am so over this. I can go in there do it at 8:00 and the clinic has it by 2:30.  I am not going into another center for blood work unless I have to. I  am calling the R/E to try to get in to do Beta on Friday. This is absolutely freaking ridiculous. I am trying to calm down but this is so repetitive with them that I am done. I pray the R/E can get me in on Thursday am over Quest and not going to dare try Labcorp. I will pay the co-pay for reliability.

**End Rant**

Update- Just like that the R/E will see me at 8:30 on 6/1 which is my second Beta. I am confident all will work out despite the blimps in the road. I am done with going into the Quest Centers unless I absolutely have to.

10p5dt & Blood Draw

Memorial Day- I salute our troops, they do so much for our country and on 5/29/2017 we honor and remember the fallen ones. It irks me that people only think of BBQ's and the beach on this day. I am not saying these aren't fun things to do with the family but it is more than that.

My BFF's brother is in the military and he is like a brother to me as well so this day means so much. I get just as anxious as they do when they don't hear from him and worry since he is stationed in Europe at the moment. He has lost friends along the way and I think people forget the sacrifices the military troops are  making for our freedom in the US.



 

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Yesterday was Memorial Day & it was uneventful for me.....besides leaving the house to briefly shop at the Express Outlet, I basically vegged the whole day & it was glorious.

My appointment for blood work with Quest today was at 7:45 am. I was there at 7:05  & proudly
second in line....it didn't matter they literally called me back at exactly 7:45 ( my allotted appointment time, which I am glad I did since it was so packed after 5 more minutes but dang couldn't you have drawn my blood and sent me on my way? I was a few minutes late for work but no one noticed.

Note to self regarding Quest Diagnostic -there is no point in going before your appointment, they don't care. I was not suggesting they skip anyone for me just actually you know,worked. The techs both had long mad faces and were moving sooooooooooooooo  freaking sloooowwwwwwwwwww!!
Why do people take service related jobs without having service attitudes? It boggles the mind. Also s a side note, they suck at getting the results to the doctor on time..... I am prepared to wait until the morning for my results because they suck. I will still call them around 3 and ask them about the status.

How do I feel?- like I am going crazy, asking myself did I see a line on Sunday....what if I was wrong...etc. I had lots of cramps yesterday, some woke me up out of my sleep. My husband being the sweetheart said...uhmmm "are you sure it isn't gas cramps?" Well........ahem If I were a betting woman I think they are.

Symptoms?-  Is feeling hot one of them ? Because I feel like I am cold one minute then hot the next. Heart palpitations, headache, loosing my mind, hungry ( this is not a symptoms I am greedy most days), weird taste in mouth or lack of taste in mouth? Pulling in there making me wonder if they are in tubes....Dear God please let them not be in my tubes.

I am also on a lot of medications so any and everything could be a sign of any one of them. I am still pretty positive because that is my choice at the moment. Come on time......let's see what this Beta number will be....... I am looking for anything over 200 at this point.

8dptdt Wowza

It is currently 6:00 am and in 3 1/2 hours it will officially be 9dp5dt. I know, I know real specific.

Anyway let's start with at 1:00 am Sunday morning between 7 days post and a few hours to 8 days post (  it makes sense to me to count it based on my transfer time 9:38 am on 5/20). Anyway so I woke up realizing the Endometrin is on the night stand and not inserted at 8pm per usual. I drank some water....inserted, pulled it out and my faced dropped. BROWN freaking discharge. My brain screamed "Holy Shit Noooooooooooooooooooo" . Hubby was up watching TV so he looked over asked me what's wrong and I told him. I got up, went to pee, wiped and there was nothing on the TP so either I irritated my cervix or it just hasn't trickled down yet. Logic wasn't coming to me at 1:00 am, rather  fear was creeping in and I felt well there you have it. I dozed off and woke up still gripped in fear but tried to put it aside.
I did a quick Walmart run for breakfast items and got 2 of the cheapie (.88 cent) tests. I wasn't sure I was going to use it so I threw it under the sink. The day before I was walking around Target with hubby and he asked me if I was going to test and I said no....he asked because I walked down the test isle....on purpose...because I am a nut. Anyway so I got home cooked breakfast....and was feeling well "periody".

Truthfully I have felt periody all day Saturday and then Sunday basically periody as well too. Not major period cramps but sensations like my period is on the horizon. I prayed and tried my best to go about the day. We ate breakfast and vegged all day..... I seriously need to clean my house & dust.

Anyway I got up cooked dinner which we ate and watched a movie. So here it is Sunday officially 8dp5dt and the test began to summon me...lol. I went to the bathroom, closed the door and did it. Within 3 minutes the faintest line came up......I called hubby to look and he said no...then he said why did you test. I will post the 3 minute image here later on....and I said not sure couldn't wait. Anyway within 10 minutes it got darker and I left it there and it got even darker. He was cutting his hair and said hey babe it's darker. While he was stoic about it, so was I, this is what infertility does. We have had a positive in the past....we have had positive betas but we do not have our child so I understood his fear and need to be just as guarded as I am right now. But on the positive side... I AM PREGNANT. Personally I have never gotten a positive test when I was not positive, I do have another test I could take but I wont. Also I wanted to add that my urine was not held long. I have to pee all the time but I am drinking so much water so it is hard to hold it.

7dp5dt

Today is 7dp5dt (7 days post 5 day transfer).  I can't really believe that it has been a week since my transfer. Eek, last week at this very time ( 5:37 pm) I was in the hotel resting, watching Netflix after having my transfer and acupuncture earlier in the day.

Only 3 more days to my beta on Tuesday, it would have been Monday but due to the memorial day holiday the clinic will be closed.  A lot of people feel like the 2WW (2 week wait) to the pregnancy test is unbearable and they are right it kind of is.  Overall though for me it has been OK.  I have tried not to think too much about it which was difficult.   I'm feeling OK, not super optimistic, but also not defeated (yet).  My feelings have been flip flopping. One minute I am super excited and hopeful and the next due to the lack of symptoms I get nervous. Honestly, I feel kind of....... meh.  In a way, I want to get the beta ASAP so I can just find out what the result is.  On the other hand, I don't really want to know.

It has been so hard because I have experienced "embryo quality comparison" with everyone else's. It seems so many have at least gotten 1 embryo with an A letter and I did not. The picture we received of our babies ( Embabies)  also to me looks like they are still not expanded and still frozen. It sucks we didn't get any grade A embryos but I am very thankful for the ones we did get.

Grades were as follows:

1 4BB - transferred 5/20

1 4BC -frozen

1 3BB-trasferred 5/20

2 3BB-frozen

1 5CC- frozen ( this one was frozen on day 6)

The Facebook clinic support group has ladies that have had their lower grade embryos have turned out to be wonderful babies.  And sometimes even their best quality PGS/PGD tested embryos did not result in babies.  So I guess, I should not give up and remain positive.

6dp5dt-FET Nothing to Report

Quick Update-

I feel just about the same, nothing really to report. I am doing my best not to loose my faith in this cycle and it is hard. Everything I am feeling in my stomach is still all gas. I have a huge bruise due to the Lovenox. I was doing so well without them but I did the injection yesterday in a rush and put on my tight pants ( they use to be loose). The bruise is at the site where the waist was pulling at the injection site. It is terrible but I put ice on it and hopefully it will resolve soon. Typically if I do it slowly and wear loose fitting clothing no issues...so one huge purple bruise is currently my new beauty mark.

If you are not aware Lovenox (enoxaparin) is an anticoagulant that helps prevent the formation of blood clots. Lovenox is used to treat or prevent a type of blood clot called deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which can lead to blood clots in the lungs (pulmonary embolism).

Since I did a freeze-all cycle my Doctor recommended Intralipids and a blood thinner with my FET. I am all for doing anything that might help. Really I think one lesson I have embraced is get serious early and give it your all because you don't know what is next around the infertility bend.

Anyway I think my nipples were sore off and on but I may be imagining those things...same thing with the twinges I think I am feeling.
I cramped day 1-3 after transfer in 2013 and it was a big fat negative. I would prefer no cramps actually so not feeling them is fine with me.

The one time I was pregnant...... I felt incredibly bloated and peed every hour.....not this time so of course my mind goes negative.

I am not sure if I want to test Sunday or Monday, the torture is bad, seeing negative is bad, waiting to hear the answer sucks too... What can I say? Infertility Seriously Sucks.

5dp5dt FET

I did something stupid. I tested......it was negative and for a split second or two I was gutted.
I quickly tossed the stupid test in the trash and told myself I am still pregnant and nothing will say otherwise than the blood test. It definitely was not good seeing it. I used a test strip one of TTC ladies sent me when I bought Gonal-F. It is a UK brand but it didn't say how low it would pick up HCG. Anyway it was also 3rd morning urine or 4th I get up all night long to pee but regardless I don't think I will test again........well maybe..... unless I do it day before or day of beta.

On another note I saw my results from my lab work done yesterday on the patient portal, no calls from the nurses.

• My TSH was .47 on 5/20th and 1.27 on 5/24/17
• E2 was 167 5/20th and 678 on 5/24/2017
• Progesterone was 17.5 5/20th before transfer and 67.50

On the home front things are great, me and hubby apologized to each other and are back to our happy self. I have forgiven his harsh words or have I? No I think I need a Coach purse or something. Just kidding we are barely getting things in order plus I have a balance on the credit card that I barely made a dent on an apology expensive purse won't do it. A positive beta and my baby/babies will do though. He is human and he is under just as much stress and pressure, I suppose we women tend to own this journey and forget the men sometimes have feelings too. Anyway onward and upward on this ride. Prayerfully waiting for a positive line.

4dp5dt & a Toll on my Marriage

 

Yesterday was 3dp5dt and I have to say I didn't feel anything. At first I thought perhaps I was feeling cramps but no it's ahem..... TMI coming......... gas. I am still trying my hardest to be and remain positive and spent the day trying to focus on work and listen to meditation while working. I was able to squeeze in acupuncture at the end of the day and while there I had an epiphany about the number 6. A few years ago I had a dream that 6 kids were following me and my husband. I couldn't quite say where we were but walking in a downtown area with cobblestone streets.....they followed us all the way home and got in bed. 4 boys on one side & 2 girls on the other ( a variety of ages if I were to guess from 4-6). I said "who are you and why are you following us" and here and one of the boys said "because you are my mom silly". I woke up instantly told him and he didn't really have much to say but just stared at me blankly. LOL So while on the acupuncture table the number 6 jumped out at me and I said in the darkness alone with the needles in my body "holy shit..... I had 6 frozen embryos. I transferred 2 and 4 left on ice. My six kids.....my six." I was breathing heavy and just freaking out slightly that I didn't not even realize the relation before. How freaking crazy is that ?

On another note I went in for blood work today to check my progesterone level and in my rush to get out the door as well as being hurt from the argument ( see below) I forgot to insert the Endometrin. I plan to drive home and get it in around noon for lunch but still....oh why oh why did I do this. Which reminds me let me take the prednisone. I have been cheating and injecting a higher level of PIO ( progesterone in oil) so I am good for a few hours but I should be more careful.

Infertility & Marriage - I wasn't sure I was going to even blog about this....but I want to look back and remember this, even if it is darkness. At a time that I need my husband the most, a stupid argument caused him to say some very harsh things including him not caring, etc. Writing them would only make me angry again so I won't even go into details. I am not sure I can forgive him but I know I need to for me not for him. The hubs and I had an argument which started in bed the night before and went on to today.

Today he just about let out a huge frustrating exhale, laced with a barrage of insults and complete with him saying he does not caring about this cycle or our marriage. I know in the heat of an argument all bets are off but while I can forgive I will NEVER forget the words he said.....never. So much so I am sitting here contemplating on 4dp5dt to separate from him. The argument was over something so stupid but he took it such an unforgivable level that I will never look at him the same.....not ever. It has changed my thinking but I am still holding out hope for this cycle...even if it I am doing it alone. I will do my own PIO shots as much as I am terrified to do so I will figure it out and not ask for his help. I feel completely removed from this man. Surprisingly I am not sitting here falling apart about the argument, I feel the opposite. Perhaps he needed to get some things off his chest and perhaps there needs to be changes in our life whether it is apart or together anyway onward and upward. I rebuke the enemy from my home, welcome in Jesus and ask God to fill our hearts with love, peace and forgiveness.

 

2p5dt FET

No symptoms but super gassy, besides I wouldn't be able to decipher if I  had symptoms since I am taking Estrace & Progesterone daily. After researching Google which I shouldn't many people felt cramps starting day 1....I feel nothing but gas. I need to stay away from Google as much as I can or else It will make me crazy.

Am I worried? Yes. As much as I wish I could just not think about it, I am. The good news I was able to squeeze in acupuncture tomorrow which was recommended. Apparently it "may" help with blood flow or implantation if you do it immediately before and then after transfer, & then between days 3-5 after embryo transfer. So here is another $80 being thrown at this cycle come tomorrow. Sigh....

Currently at my desk with socks on. It is super cold in here but warm feet means warm uterus

FET Week & Transfer Recap

Long Post

 

I am back...let's see if I can recap as best as I can.

Last Week on 5/15 I started Lovenox twice per day,  PIO shots,  as well as I was taking Estrace Vaginally, & added Endometrin twice per day ( I really hate them) with a mix of lots of immune drugs. Let me just say here I have no immune issues that I am aware , but the R/E is trying to up my chances of success for this FET. The rest of the week was kind of boring...I can feel the bloat since I added the shots & the Lovenox burns like a beast.

Anyway finally Friday 5/19th rolls around and I hit the road at 4:00 am to the airport.
I get to Albany at 10, checked in the hotel and leisurely walked the Mall. I bought the below book & also a baby outfit at Macys. More about the outfit shortly.

This is the book I purchased
Living Courageously: You Can Face Anything, Just Do It Afraid
by Joyce Meyer

It is absolutely fitting considering how I was feeling at the time. As I was walking through the mall I had this overwhelming feeling to get an item for my child. See there...I am speaking boldly. So I got a newborn outfit brought it back to the room and prayed. I woke up the morning of transfer and prayed so hard. I know I have no control and there is nothing I can do to help it along but it felt good to just release it all to God.

So 5/20/17 Transfer Day.  I am up at 2:00 am reading and praying, not quite nervous but still anxious. I watched Netflix and fell asleep again around 4:30 and then up at 5:45 ish. I slowly start getting ready, had a pastry and took my pills. I hopped in the rental car and off I went to the clinic. I travelled alone due to the expense. While I would have loved to have hubby with me,  he couldn't make it but he called while I was heading there and got there.  He asked me did I pray which I confirm he said a quick prayer over me. Anyway I got to the clinic at 7:45 ( they were expecting me at 8:30) yeah I was ready. I changed into my spa robe...I have pics  I "might" upload later. I sat in the  cozy waiting area complete with the fireplace for the pre-transfer. Acupunture was amazing and the room was so tranquil...it was like a spa day not egg transfer. I was escorted down stairs to transfer which was great except the needle pokes for bloodwork and I did the Intralipid Infusion. I received pics of our embryos, grades 4BB and 3BB. I peed before transfer......couldn't hold it then laid on the table for 45 minutes after due to the infusion. I basically ran to pee after, the nurse gave me my PIO shot, I went back upstairs for after transfer acupuncture and then I left.

I felt so relaxed and at peace...it felt right and wonderful. As I was leaving a got a quick pic of the sign and then I drove off. I stopped and got the customary fries from McDonalds. It is a thing with the TTC community...you get hot fries after transfer for good luck. Anyway I went back to the room and rested for most of the day. Around 6:30 I was hungry so I went to get Chipotles. I wanted dessert so I ordered room service..... and freaked myself out. I lifted the heavy tray. I am still not sure why I even did that, I could have let them in and have it dropped off but no I wasn't thinking. I freaked out and prayed but then realized most people that get pregnant have no idea...I know what I did so I naturally am nuts...am sure the tray wasn't more than the 10 pound limit..it was a slice od cheesecake and ice cream.
In between this I was speaking with Hubby, Reading, Walking around the room, Laying down, Watching TV to kill time. I fell in and out of sleep and then yesterday got up for the airport.

At the airport I had to bend, lift the bag ( am sure it was 10-15 pounds or less) for TSA, went through  the scanner ( the doctor said it was ok) put the bag in  the overhead compartment, take it down when landed and lift it in my parked car. I finally got home, kissed my hubby and enjoyed the rest of the day.......he did the cutest thing. He rubbed my stomach and said " My pregnant wife".

The joy I felt hearing those words are indescribable as well as the fear of disappointing him that came with it. For now I am focusing on the positives & that right now I am PUPO ( Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)  and PASP ( Pregnant and Staying Pregnant).

5 More Days to FET Counting Down .........

I am at 5 days until my frozen embryo transfer.  I feel weird, or is that nervous,  not really sure what I feel to be hones but I don't feel fear mostly just a little  anxiousness.

Anyway, all these damn pills I'm popping are getting on my nerves.  I have to highlight my list to make sure I'm taking everything at the right time, on the right day. I went to a wedding this weekend so everything was pretty much taken/done late.  Today I get to add in more to the madness & also am waiting to hear back from the nurse since I couldn't start Lovenox as prescribed on 5/12.

I have never taken Lovenox before but I it is a blood thinner that will sting and sucks according to the IVF community. I am not looking forward to it but at least I am glad I know what to expect, yay me.

Tonight I add in the progesterone suppositories and the shots in oil. I have no plans to stay on the suppositories too long. I would prefer a jab than anything  up my lady parts.

All that's left on my list now are acupuncture and telling my Boss I need Friday off, actually I think I will just take another sick day. I fly out pretty early to Albany and return Sunday afternoon.

One good thing on this journey to debt is I used my Chase Sapphire to pay for the IVF cost which incurred me points to in turn pay for the travel for FET. Pretty sweet right?