Dragging My Feet & Reminders

As excited as I was to get the consultation it is actually quite odd that now that I have instructions I haven't done anything with them. **Sigh**. I don't have a reason for my procrastination,.... ok perhaps I do.

After my D&C in 2012 I sort of stopped seeing my regular OB/GYN and have been seeing just a Gynecologist at Cleveland clinic instead. It is a big network and I just wanted to be a number & no longer a familiar face, didn't want the empathy or anyone feeling sorry for me, I wanted to be unknown. I was with my OB for almost 10 years and he is so kind but I associate him with that loss and I am not sure I can ever go back to that place.....
** My feelings are completely irrational. They were very nurturing and was rooting for me but they handled the end and I just couldn't face them again. Obviously I probably shouldn't fee this way but I 100% do.** 

Anyway some of the work up in the portal requires another Saline Sonogram and and a Hysteroscopy so where do I go from here? I can either book local with a new place or to Albany and I have been dragging my feet.
The instructions are dated 11/21 it's 9 days later and too late in my cycle anyway. Alas it will be accomplished, I will get this done some time in December. My plan is to cycle in January but I am not against pushing it back to February if we must. I have been out of Ubiquinol for a week again just so lazy but I ordered through Amazon prime so in 2 days to get it going.......

I plan to send them the genetic testing I did so those are not repeated. Hubby is not excited for another semen analysis but hey....this is where we are.

 Reminders

1. Expect people to say stupid insensitive things
2. Have faith in the process but expect setbacks
3. Resist the temptation to over analyze every detail of your treatment cycle
4. Keep living my life, save, travel on a budget ( local if we must), see friends ( connect/ reconnect)
5. Blog more, read a few more books, 
6. Learn to stay positive and just let it go.
7. Have plans set in place for Plan A or B, or C  ( God please let me not need any of them beyond A)

The Universe & Phone Call Done

First let me me just say the phone consultation went well. It was with Nurse L, & she answered the few questions I had, naturally I forgot some  but overall she did great.

 I do have the option for a follow up call from an R/E but I didn't think it was necessary..........for now.

 I told her a little of my history and the protocol she mentioned they would do my cycle

 tailored to me. We shall see how true this part really is.

 She asked me in detail about the last IVF

 and she asked me with the number of eggs they retrieved do I think I have PCOS?

 I said well no I have not been told that and have seen 3 R/Es.

#1. R/E 2005  1st Laparoscopy found the blocked tubes

#2. R/E 2011-2012 Mini IVF NYC

#3 R/E 2013 Antagonist Cycle

My main reason for not needing a followup right away is 

that  despite ordering my medical records since 11/3  I did not receive them.

I.WAS.PISSED.

Thankfully I called, gave them a stern talking to and got it bright and early today.

I was glancing over the notes and my eyes fell upon a tidbit I clearly did not know.

PCO noted for ovaries.... no not PCOS......it says PCO. A mistake? Not sure but let me tell
 you I thought WTF. I already have my tubes to contend with why must there be this crap too?

I have been wanded about 1,000,000 times and never told this but hell what can I do but deal with this blow too. Effing Infertility. First you kick me in the tubes, now the freaking ovaries. You will not win, You just can't Damn It. 

Also he noted that egg quality is an issue in one area and then that they were good blasts in another so I am confused. I wish I had 3 months to get my body together with supplements for this go around.

For goodness sake I was 34 and he noted something about age.....BASTARD. 

Sorry just his notes made me mad since much of it I was not told. Anyway I did start the Coq 10, Acai, Prenatals, Vitamin  D & Fish Oil. Melatonin when I remember too a few weeks ago.
So if it's a fight Infertility wants it's a fight there will be. If I could financially I would keep fighting not just for me, but for the countless women out there going through this disease they call elective so we cannot get insurance coverage.  I am angry but my choice of action is to better myself.

Let the games commence 

Bitter Chinese Herbs ( will gulp it gladly to clear tubes worked for some maybe me too)

Serrapeptase( scar tissue if any are present, did it often last year and sparingly this one)

Castor Oil Pack ( loosen up any scar tissue if present)

Supplements prior to this round

Try to commit 100% to a clean diet

Loose 10 pounds(seriously I was 10 pounds lighter at that cycle and he told me I need to loose weight  & he put it in the note)

 I am also going to do something I am terrified of ...... Acupuncture.

So a Big Fat EFF YOU !!

 Infertility and the horse you rode in on

The happiness you stole from me,

The tears I have cried,

The years I have watched go on,

The prognosis known and unknown,

Our empty arms,

The dumb ass questions we are asked by even strangers, &

The damn clock ticking in the back ground.

I already have the big guns, looks like I need bigger ones.

Let's GO