Avoiding the Pain

I avoid this blog to avoid brining up memories, to avoid feeling like a failure. It's not healthy and it is not right but I truly do, I feel like I failed at Mini IVF and failed at traditional  IVF( well this one is questionable considering where I went and my thoughts) but still ARRGGGHHH we cannot afford it, can we stretch our selves thin....who am I kidding thinner? YES but should we...NO. DH has an elderly mom currently going through dementia and he is an only child persay. It's a sad situation that neither of us planned for but that's life for you. You can't always get what you want.

A close family member of mine that is barely out of high school is pregnant with twins, the news just about devastated me, she conceived around the time the cycle failed and guess who they called to plan the baby shower....yeah you guess right. (INSERT EXPLETIVE)
Here it is April and we have no set plans on what to do next and we are SICK and TIRED of being asked "When are you guys going to start?". The expletives that float in my mind are endless but I push it aside and say a silent prayer. I know I need to find my faith again, to accept the things I cannot change and move on with a plan to try again or not,  but importantly to deal with my feelings, our hurt, our longing.

On the sort of plus side, I found a FREE IVF trial and close to us ( yeah am always looking for any trials to help us) but guess what I do not qualify for another 6 months and there is no guarantee that they will be accepting people then. (Roll Eyes )

If anyone is out there still reading please pray for us, pray that we start our family, that we get into this trial regardless of the meager qualification that is keeping me out.

Also, to anyone that may read this and will start a cycle soon do not be discourgaed, so far I don't have a silver lining in my cloud but many have. Do not give up the fight and start fighting NOW.  New Hope is still offering Free IVF if you get into their Study protocol, I urge you to try to get in, they are the best. If I had responded better am sure things may be different. I need an attitude adjustment but things will get better and they will look up soon. Just needed to vent and be real, just needed to throw a tantrum.